Transportation: Today, I picked up my driver's licence and my keys off the floor... - FML

By Anonymous - 30/01/2012 06:36 - Australia

Today, I picked up my driver's licence and my keys off the floor at the same time, using only my toes. This was the highlight of my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 840

You deserved it 6 204

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Same thing different taste

Trust

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 06:01

Today, my dad trusted me to go driving by myself in his car. I foolishly celebrated by doing a jump heel click, landed awkwardly, threw my hand out to stop myself falling, and scraped the whole bunch of keys down the driver's door. He trusted me for like 3 seconds and I blew it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 1 415

By chevygirl51 - 28/05/2014 21:12 - United States

Today, I took my driving test. It was all going well until out of habit from driving with my boyfriend, I reached over and held my instructor's hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 915

You deserved it 18 095

By catherineratley - 06/05/2012 04:09 - United States - Carmi

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 427

You deserved it 2 980

By supergirl7 - 27/07/2011 22:21 - United States

Today, I discovered I can properly operate the television remote with my feet. I then realized that it is pretty much my only talent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 404

You deserved it 8 667

The Brian Harvey

By Yougotmail - 17/07/2022 06:00

Today, I managed to run over my own foot with my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 619

By Anonymous - 23/08/2015 17:34

Today, I passed my driver's test. My instructor took the learner signs off his car and let me drive back to my place. I guess he didn't bet on me crashing the car just a few blocks from the test center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 443

You deserved it 5 725

By gmian - 06/12/2015 05:06 - United States - Amherst

Today, at work, I used my foot to flush the toilet, lost my balance, and ended up catching myself with my foot in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 379

You deserved it 11 002

Licence to drive

By Anonymous - 10/09/2009 06:19 - Australia

Today, after failing my learner's licence twice in the previous weeks, I finally passed. As I got home, I went for a drive with my dad. I smashed my mum's car into an old lady's fence and ended up in her backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 599

You deserved it 37 913

By sopissed - 13/06/2012 18:13 - United States - Laurel

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 671

You deserved it 3 624

By nightput - 17/11/2008 06:02 - France

Today, I took my driving test. I spent 30 minutes with the handbrake on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 447

You deserved it 28 694

Next

Top comments

griffins33 4

Monday 30 January 2012 15:55

That would totally be the highlight of my day

Potterhead1 3

Monday 30 January 2012 15:56

Wingadrium Leviosa is much easier

Comments

Yak99 0

Monday 30 January 2012 17:01

That is pretty dam impressive

linkinpark98 23

Tuesday 31 January 2012 1:29

Your picture..... Uh...... Never mind.

Pelreskovich 11

Monday 30 January 2012 17:05

Now that's what I call talent!

Hustlasaurus 9

Monday 30 January 2012 17:19

That is a marketable skill, not an FML

perdix 29

Monday 30 January 2012 17:27

The good news is that you still will have dexterity even if you are handcuffed. That could come in... *lowers sunglasses* handy.

rightside5 2

Monday 30 January 2012 17:28

I untied, re-tied, and double-knotted my boyfriends shoe laces in 10 min. I have to say it was the coolest thing I've ever done! Be proud of your monkey toes!

hermitknut 22

Monday 30 January 2012 18:12

I just stared at your comment trying to work out how that was cool. Then I realised that obviously you meant with your toes. *facepalm* I'm half asleep. But I used to be able to type with my toes... I now feel the need to see if I still can...

KittyJay 3

Monday 30 January 2012 17:33

Idk why that's an Fml... That's pretty ******* amazing...

leilaostara 1

Monday 30 January 2012 17:38

Hey, it would be the highlight of my day too! That's awesome!

Arxikist 3

Monday 30 January 2012 17:58

Quite the unique handyman around the house, eh?

DocBastard 38

Monday 30 January 2012 18:05

You may think I'm a heel for saying this, but that's a very impressive feet! I am toetally impressed with you.

Giantsfann7 0

Monday 30 January 2012 18:13

Winning

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Keywords

Video games Annoying Gamers Abuse Birthday Relatable Social Media Money Scams Parents School Kids Education Health Public freakouts Grieving Mental health Music Geek Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Bikes Cops Transportation Fight Family Customers Work Gross

The Top

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 229

Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 72

The Top

Today, I walked out of my platonic coworker's office, after he got my lunch order wrong. My exit line? “Get your creamy pork sausage out of my taco.” The entire bullpen started hooting and hollering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 1 225

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 917

You deserved it 7 613

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 690

You deserved it 38 983

Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 255

You deserved it 2 026

Today, I babysat a five year-old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 301

You deserved it 92 917

Today, my mom caught me absentmindedly staring at my puppy's butthole. She'd also been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 1 971