Today, I picked up a lady's dropped wallet and chased after her... - FML

By fmlsrslyahhh - 6/9/2011 19:40 - Singapore

Today, I picked up a lady's dropped wallet and chased after her despite my sprained ankle. When I finally caught up with her, she smashed her chili sauce filled hotdog across my face and kicked me in the groin, accusing me of stealing her wallet. I was kept at the police station for 3 hours. FML

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Serious times

Instadrama

Daydreaming

By Darkness162000 - 8/1/2010 00:21 - France

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML

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By pathetic_girl - 14/10/2010 14:45 - Canada

Today, I accidentally admitted to two girls in my first year university astronomy class that I have a strict 10pm bedtime. FML

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By Ab - 10/2/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

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By Bee - 26/9/2020 23:02

Here, there and everywhere

Today, I installed a pool in my house. Unfortunately, it was in my hallway. The floors are ruined all through my house, everything smells like mildew and no one is in a hurry to fix it because of Covid lockdowns. FML

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By FYLyfer - 26/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

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By theDarkandtheLight - 11/6/2017 20:00

Star Bores

Today, my boyfriend and I binged Star Wars. Now he keeps talking about how the Empire is superior to the Republic, digging up Reddit threads / YouTube videos / expressing his own political ideas to convince me of this. I just wanted to watch the movies. FML

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By Zinfandel - 7/8/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML

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By bored - 27/11/2012 18:05 - United States

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

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By Chris - 13/2/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I put my hamster in his ball, and spent about an hour cleaning his cage. When I came back, I realized he wasn't even alive. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2013 06:52 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I was at a piano lesson playing a song I had worked very hard to make perfect. Halfway through, my teacher abruptly stops me and asks, "Did you notice that I rearranged the furniture?" FML

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By now my watch begins - 31/7/2017 04:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times during Game of Thrones. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2013 16:06 - United States

Today, I removed the side rails from my truck because I didn't think I really needed them. An hour later, I went to Wal-Mart, forgot they were gone, and busted my ass in public while getting out of my truck. FML

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By ChickenBallsPlease - 28/1/2014 11:16 - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to bring down a very old fan from the attic. I plugged it in, and as soon as I turned it on, tiny spiders were blown all over my room. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2013 21:44 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

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By unknown - 2/11/2013 21:10 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

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By laywer_man - 7/3/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML

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By lonleystoner91 - 3/9/2010 08:30 - France

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months decided to wrestle with my younger brother. He has gotten more action than I have. FML

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By Jim - 11/1/2012 01:32 - Belgium

Today, I told a co-worker to "lighten up, and stop wearing black all the time, it makes you look depressed." I didn't know his father had died the week before. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2013 22:22 - Australia - Padstow

Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When I came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

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By 3some? uh, no - 1/2/2013 19:59 - Dominican Republic

Today, I finally found the courage to ask a guy I like out for a drink. He accepted, we drank, and when it came time to go home, I half-drunkenly left him my number. Once I got back home, I realized I'd actually given him my dad's number instead. FML

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By dayum - 10/12/2009 21:03 - Mexico

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/10/2015 13:07 - United States - Niles

Today, I had my first open job interview, which is when a group of applicants are interviewed together. I also found out that despite being great at one-on-one interviews, I will panic and make myself look like a complete moron when I'm part of a group. FML

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By Eddie - 7/8/2011 19:43 - Israel

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

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By Jessica - 21/8/2012 08:21 - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

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By MeowApp - 1/2/2017 10:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2013 19:11 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML

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By mhm - 6/5/2012 02:21 - Canada - Woodbridge

Today, on the bus, I caught the eye of this ugly, sweaty girl giving me a death stare through the driver's mirror. I gave her a death stare back. Only then I realized I was staring at myself. FML

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By baby_trex_arms - 5/5/2015 15:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

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By strugglingartist - 26/1/2013 06:14 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I came home to find two letters from a publishing house that I'd submitted my manuscript to. The first was congratulatory, stating that my book had been accepted for publishing. The second was apologetic, stating that the first letter had been intended for someone else. FML

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By jobsearching - 21/11/2012 20:43 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having an S and M theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

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By SadisticSatire - 11/10/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, I went to work to find two new beautiful trainees. I thought maybe I might be able to hook up with one of them, so I walk up and flash my blue eyes and begin to act like a gentleman. Not five minutes into our conversation the girls ask me if there are any cute guys working here. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2011 00:49 - United States

Today, I finally figured out why my mechanic was so cheap; he wanted to sleep with me. After I politely declined, he charged me regular price plus extra for "humiliating" him. He's 60. I just recently turned 18. FML

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By bringthemback - 29/3/2014 10:34 - United States - Columbia

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

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By PizzaBoySwag - 4/6/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

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By HowAreYouAlive - 9/7/2014 04:24 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

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By subtweetqueen - 9/9/2016 04:18 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML

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Top comments

By eltapatio16 | 5

#3248641 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:13

You deserve an apology.

By SlimShady167 | 3

#3248643 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:13

Psh, what a dumb bitch. FYL

COMMENTS

By eltapatio16 | 5

#3248641 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:13

You deserve an apology.

Reply

schpanki | 11

#3248678 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:16

Indeed, YDI! (the apology, of course)

Reply

SCREAM4meeee | 0

#3248708 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:19

People are fucking stupid.

Reply

ImFrackinBored | 13

#3248741 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:24

And more...

Reply

NKG7896 | 3

#3248749 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:25

yeah that womens probly just going to drop it again. What a dumbass

Reply

changesinme | 0

#3248753 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:25

she treated you a hotdog didn't she! kicking you in the groin was just her way of saying thank you! well, apart from you being in the police station

Reply

7mood75 | 7

#3248765 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:26

What's with the chasing here on FML lately?

Reply

CHizzy963369 | 3

#3248882 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:44

What a bitch. At least you didnt get convicted of stealing

Reply

tjv3 | 10

#3248917 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:49

no good deed goes unpunished . next time just throw it away or maybe start yelling at the person before you get there that they dropped it. I would file assault charges just because she was a douch

Reply

swimchica22 | 0

#3248920 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:50

32- she sent him to the police station because she was impressed with his bravery and wanted to offer him a job as head police officer.

Reply

stro88 | 6

#3249128 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 1:33

Shoulda dropped kicked that ho and ran away again with the wallet. I'm sure you coulda used the money :-) no one can say you didn't try bud.

Reply

fatgirllovesfml | 0

#3249296 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 2:16

Karma well do the rest ;)

Reply

Damn_Hippster | 11

#3249386 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 2:38

Who do you think you are doing good deeds like that?! (sarcasm)

Reply

Damn_Hippster | 11

#3249389 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 2:38

Who do you think you are doing good deeds like that?! (sarcasm)

Reply

Damn_Hippster | 11

#3249400 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 2:42

Hhhh. Didn't mean to post that twice :p

Reply

EvilPotato | 14

#3249451 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 2:52

what kind of a robber would that be anyway, steal your stuff then he show it to you.

Reply

krazy_glu3 | 0

#3249465 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 2:55

People nowadays are making it hard to do good deeds. Sheesh

Reply

GardeningHoes | 0

#3249670 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 3:56

Wait... Is that why I always get caught?

Reply

GardeningHoes | 0

#3249694 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 4:03

That was meant for 102

Reply

xSwaGKinGx | 0

#3249906 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 4:49

in this kind of economy humanity is a shame

Reply

Jammy01jams | 2

#3250157 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 5:50

57 - my motto is that first four words

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3250908 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 7:27

Phree chili!!

Reply

Daralea | 21

#3252752 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 17:59

agree with tjv3. Assault charges FTW!

By SlimShady167 | 3

#3248643 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:13

Psh, what a dumb bitch. FYL

Reply

imaberry95 | 0

#3248877 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:42

You should have kicked her bitch ass

Reply

MichellinMan | 20

#3249356 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 2:31

More like a fat bitch.

Reply

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#3249672 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 3:56

Rofl 2 ur pic goes perfect with ur comment

Reply

Uncle_Moe_Lester | 3

#3250119 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 5:43

Op I'm guessing you read fmls if ur posting so this is totally a YDI because this app has proven that you can't help anyone these days

Reply

Euronymous93 | 29

#5629576 - Friday 16 August 2013 3:49

Stupid bitch doesn't deserve good people like you helping her if she's just going to be ungrateful and rude to you, OP.
Hope everything was sorted out!

By Bravo11 | 14

#3248644 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:14

Shouldn't Steal Then. Duh.

Reply

ImmaB3AST | 7

#3248704 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:18

Why Do People Talk Like This? What's The Point...?

Reply

Bravo11 | 14

#3248784 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:28

Shit. I know it's lame. I couldn't think of anything and got excited to stumble upon a chance to be first. I didn't want to say FIRST! :D Though...cause that's worse. I failed either way though. I apologize to my fellow FMLers.

Reply

skata | 4

#3249881 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 4:44

40- what is the point of your comment?

Reply

Bravo11 | 14

#3253388 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 20:53

Lol nothing now. My original post was #3. it's no longer there. It was instantly thumbed down multiple times.

By KentuckyRebel92 | 8

#3248647 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:14

Dont Pick it up next time

Reply

MagicallyFat | 12

#3249253 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 2:05

No good deed goes unpunished. Sorry to hear

Reply

sxe_beast | 11

#3249526 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 3:13

Actually just keep it next time.

Reply

GlitteryMasakali | 1

#3250751 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 6:31

"no good deed goes unpunished"

Reply

GlitteryMasakali | 1

#3250756 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 6:34

88 I'm sorry for my unintentional copying of your post. I shouldve read before posting.

Reply

Georgieeporgiee | 9

#3250989 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 8:18

Next time just keep it

Reply

jajajapun | 5

#3252321 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 16:20

What do you mean by "next time"? It's not like she's going to drop her wallet around him ever again.

Reply

sxe_beast | 11

#3254476 - Thursday 8 September 2011 0:42

I meant next time you see an innocently dropped wallet just keep it. Lesson learned.

By failsammich | 0

#3248651 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:14

this sounds like something in a movie

Reply

jumikate | 0

#3249988 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 5:05

No... not really.

Reply

lifesucks1234567_fml | 2

#3250792 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 6:47

If that was in a movie the movie would be bullshit

By Duladian | 19

#3248653 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:15

She deserves to have had it taken!

Reply

JPChiQYaya | 0

#3248790 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:29

7 - Cool story bro ; tell it again.

Reply

Duladian | 19

#3248909 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:47

Sorry, apparently it double posted. I'd delete it if I knew how.

By Duladian | 19

#3248655 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:15

She deserves to have had it taken!

Reply

yojo62 | 5

#3248966 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 1:01

So your picture of you aiming a gun is allowed but mine of just holding a bazooka isn't lol

Reply

DrewsFML | 8

#3249690 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 4:03

ikr, look's like he's making a last stand a Waco for chrissakes and that pic is okay?

Reply

R4P3DwithALOHA | 0

#3251404 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 10:39

thts un fair

Reply

Duladian | 19

#3256647 - Thursday 8 September 2011 9:37

I'm actually sitting in a friends room in iraq >_>

By WTSchool | 0

#3248656 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:15

Was the hotdog okay?

Reply

ArcadePie | 10

#3248726 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:22

Was that suppose to make me laugh?

Reply

WTSchool | 0

#3248792 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:29

Was I asking for a bitch comment?

Reply

leadman1989 | 15

#3248943 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:56

That made me laugh.

:)

Reply

AnagenisisZagus | 13

#3250262 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 6:08

26, Is he supposed to care about how you feel?

Reply

amoscore | 5

#3251879 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 13:58

The fact that this comment got so many thumbs down made me laugh.

Reply

sccrismyantidrg | 4

#3253066 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 19:26

#8 made me giggle out loud :)

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#3253344 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 20:45

8 is naturally concerned about the welfare of the poor hotdog who was the victim in this FML...

Reply

False_Stupidity | 41

#3253357 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 20:46

8 is naturally concerned about the welfare of the poor hotdog who was the victim in this FML...

By ThreeSheetsGone | 12

#3248658 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:15

No good deed goes unpunished, OP. It's a crazy world we live in.

Reply

Jammy01jams | 2

#3250169 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 5:52

My motto :D

By ImmaB3AST | 7

#3248659 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 0:15

nothing good comes out of being nice.

Reply

TylerOMFG | 7

#3249164 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 1:43

But most of the time it is.

Reply

KennKenn | 0

#3251602 - Wednesday 7 September 2011 12:21

Nice guys always finish last. If you know what I mean.