Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML
Today, I'm on new medication that has a side effect of keeping me awake all night. Now I get to listen to my parents having sex at 2am when they think I'm fast asleep. FYI, my dad likes being spanked and being told that he's a really bad boy who needs punishment. FML
Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML
Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML
Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML
Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
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Top comments
BigLatchZatch 14
That's just ******* mean.
pandalover69 26
I'll sleep with you if it'll keep that from happening.
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Comments (55)
feven 32
That's when you come back at him and say "that's why I slept with your lady last night right"... oh wait never mind.
JKROB 16
what about hookers?
patrickalamo 48
Tell dear old Dad he is correct, but you think one of his friends are cute. Mess with him right back
siggy_mcsigx 22
That type of help will help you get arrested
olpally 33
Thanks for the confidence boost dad... Sheesh what a terrible thing to say.
Emmers__27 7
So... He's saying the only way he thinks you'll have sex is if you rape someone. Wtf. Even if he' "only" saying it as a joke, that's really messed up.
DenverTyrrell 13
And the parent of the year award goes to.....not that guy that's for sure!
arich6210 22
You're in nc I'll sleep with you lol
Unrecognisable 12
Not only is he being a dick, but what the hell? That's a ****** up thing to suggest.
dustin007 15
UR dad know how to party haha no but and lest that wuz all he said ?