Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML
Today, I'm on new medication that has a side effect of keeping me awake all night. Now I get to listen to my parents having sex at 2am when they think I'm fast asleep. FYI, my dad likes being spanked and being told that he's a really bad boy who needs punishment. FML
Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML
Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML
Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML
Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
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Top comments
BigLatchZatch 14
That's just ******* mean.
pandalover69 26
I'll sleep with you if it'll keep that from happening.
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Comments (55)
WasabiMars 21
Rape is never a good thing. You know better OP.
melooters 11
Roofies for lyf
joshi42 16
Did he mention, who should take it?
RedPillSucks 33
That's when you say She didn't need it dad.
Axel5238 29
Terrible thing for dad to say though why would be making that joke to begin with? He might be an ass, but you might want to think about why he thinks you have trouble with women?
Wakachulak 22
Could it be because he was raised by a dipshit?
worldclassrager 41
I am for sure going to hell for laughing at this... Stand your dad up get a girlfriend and then make him a grandparent later in time
IWishIWasObama 12
That's just like the show IT Crowd! Awesome!
kiaora_fml 11
And that's when you should of said "Is that how you got mum?"
allplayedout 20
Well raping a woman and sleeping with a woman are in no way the same thing, so your dad is wrong on multiple levels. Just...so...wrong.
Omniprism 15
Don't listen to your dick of a dad. You could confront him and tell him his words hurt. It depends on how you feel about your relationship with him. Second, there is someone for everyone. You don't give up. Use this comment as fuel.