Kids: Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom,...

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 21:19 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 809

You deserved it 3 491

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Same thing different taste

By my honest father - 10/07/2013 16:33 - United States - Kansas City

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 056

You deserved it 3 747

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 048

You deserved it 5 821

Third on the podium

By Anonymous - 25/03/2023 06:00 - Pakistan

Today, my parents told me that they had planned two kids (my older siblings) and I was born because my father "thought" that he was wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 141

By thishasbeenaverytellingnight - 08/10/2017 16:00

Today, I was working in bed when my boyfriend stumbled in, drunk as hell. He got on top of me saying he wanted sex. After a moment, he paused and said, “Sorry, I thought you were Stephen.” I’m a girl. Stephen is my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 484

You deserved it 333

By fml - 22/06/2009 09:03 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 431

You deserved it 5 473

Go forth and NOT multiply

By MirandaKristine - 06/03/2020 12:31 - United States - Miami

Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 326

By diesel444 - 23/08/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 825

You deserved it 23 186

By LoveMyNewBro - 04/01/2011 10:56

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 135

You deserved it 5 918

Busted

By Stacy - 21/03/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 789

You deserved it 121 732

Freud intensifies

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 22:01

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. An ex? A friend? A side guy? Nope, none of those. I called him “Dad”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 1 158

CurvyisCool 22

Monday 25 August 2014 5:17

I'm sure it wasn't meant to be that... Offensive. I mean, kids cost money.

kendallfireHD 16

Monday 25 August 2014 5:17

Well at least you slipped through.

Comments

itsjusttofunny 8

Monday 25 August 2014 20:00

I totally understand your dad's pain. You kids destroy any life your parents might have had.

ebrainer1 9

Monday 25 August 2014 21:11

Why post anonymously then?

TheLastSaiyan 1

Monday 25 August 2014 21:21

It just means you were unplanned, not unwanted.....

StanSmith2013 26

Monday 25 August 2014 23:18

Story of my life bro!

Olivia93 20

Tuesday 26 August 2014 3:45

Maybe you was a mistake OP I'm sure your a mistake there happy with thou ?

DQFEdits 7

Tuesday 26 August 2014 22:37

I'm sure he didn't mean it to be a dick to you. He was probably joking around. Kids cost a lot anyways.

moondoggie 20

Wednesday 27 August 2014 15:35

pleased to meet you Phteven

mercy1434 12

Thursday 28 August 2014 8:19

This is awkward...well think of yourself as a happy accident. I mean they love you after all right? :)

_purepxrcelain_ 6

Friday 29 August 2014 14:45

maybe he was just trying to make a point, not that you're existence is bad, OP.

what_the_fuckery 3

Saturday 13 September 2014 16:14

Well then that makes you not very anonymous, does it?

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Today, on my friend's birthday, I met a guy I really liked at a club, and he asked me to go home with him. At 2 a.m., my friend called but I missed her calls. When I woke up, she'd texted me pictures of all my things that I had at her place thrown outside in the snow. All because I didn’t go home with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 1 202

Today, I left my job, fulfilling my one month's notice after receiving a job offer from a much better-paying role. After saying goodbye to everyone, I left the building. Not two minutes later, the company who was offering the new job called to say they'd changed their minds, and there was now no longer a job on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 623

You deserved it 135

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 2 837

You deserved it 218

Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 1 340

Today, I got a rose from my boyfriend. The card read, "It's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 566

You deserved it 2 709

Today, I lost a glove while snowboarding. I got off my board to find it, when a bunch of kids took the opportunity to kick my snowboard down the hill, while yelling "Run, Forrest, run!" as I frantically chased after it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 200

You deserved it 4 487

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I agree, your life sucks 6 006

You deserved it 456

Today, I got kicked in the balls twice in two hours. The first was my (now ex) girlfriend when I confronted her about cheating on me, and the second was her overprotective friend who thought that I was the cheater. One is a cheerleader, and the other is a soccer player. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 124

You deserved it 363