Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML
Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML
Today, my parents told me that they had planned two kids (my older siblings) and I was born because my father "thought" that he was wearing a condom. FML
Today, I was working in bed when my boyfriend stumbled in, drunk as hell. He got on top of me saying he wanted sex. After a moment, he paused and said, “Sorry, I thought you were Stephen.” I’m a girl. Stephen is my father. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML
Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML
Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. An ex? A friend? A side guy? Nope, none of those. I called him “Dad”. FML
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Top comments
CurvyisCool 22
I'm sure it wasn't meant to be that... Offensive. I mean, kids cost money.
kendallfireHD 16
Well at least you slipped through.
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Comments (57)
LegalLoitering 12
Hey, penicillin was an accident too. Accidents aren't necessarily bad
gramirez23 9
"If I believed in protection plans you wouldn't be here" -George Lopez
riptor911 10
Peanut butter was an accident to. And hey, so was i! LOL.
NicH1799 20
At least you know he resents you now. That's always a confidence booster.
Batman_1872 20
******* as dhole
detectivedipsiht 12
they must have kinda wanted you on some level or else they could have just like, gotten rid of you in a number of ways
Aquila_Umbrae 26
Strong swimmer
Corvo_Attano_4 12
Being born due to an accident isn't a bad thing; your dad just said that because he doesn't want more kids so don't take it personal
sbarua219 17
Sorry Steven
soulreaper12296 28
I'll never understand how with FMLs like this people can say "you deserved it".
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Some people do it to be contrary, some people accidentally hit the YDI button, some people do it for the YDI badge, etc. I don't understand why someone has to comment this on every FML where it's obviously not a YDI situation.
animelover9427 11
Yehh it iz kinda rude
PoisonOrchid 21
I wouldn't take it too personal, honesty. I doubt he meant any offense by it. I've said things similar about my son, but I don't mean that I'm sad I have him or anything remotely similar. I wouldn't give up my son for anything, but he was definitely not how I had planned my senior year of college going.
ElectroThunder28 16
Even if you were an accident, it doesn't give your life any less meaning