By idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - United States - Mesa Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML I agree, your life sucks 31307 You deserved it 4189 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML I agree, your life sucks 25826 You deserved it 44252 227 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jaqen h'garrrhghhgfgjhfuck - France - Toulon Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML I agree, your life sucks 39858 You deserved it 9426 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By al0406 - United States Today, I was at lunch with my grandpa and my sister. My grandpa looks over at my sister and says, "Wow. You're so beautiful." Right after, he turns to me and says, "And you have a nice coat." FML I agree, your life sucks 65222 You deserved it 4194 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lizzie - Canada - Sherwood Park Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML I agree, your life sucks 85012 You deserved it 5302 221 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML I agree, your life sucks 2631 You deserved it 393 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GoAggies - United States - Herriman Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML I agree, your life sucks 15889 You deserved it 2481 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CPN - United States Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML I agree, your life sucks 86230 You deserved it 9089 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lordtimbit - Canada - Calgary Today, I fell in the shower and knocked myself out. When I came to I turned off the water and called my mom. She seemed more worried about the amount of water I "wasted" than she was about me. FML I agree, your life sucks 34578 You deserved it 3104 90 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML I agree, your life sucks 4835 You deserved it 639 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML I agree, your life sucks 26783 You deserved it 3604 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bilirubin - United States Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 33620 You deserved it 3907 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hatetheroommate - United States Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had brought her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the adderall they found in my desk. FML I agree, your life sucks 27697 You deserved it 129668 606 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By J.Smith - France Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 31893 You deserved it 2162 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DeepCleanAcne Irony Today, I found out that my intense acne is actually an allergic reaction to the "deep clean" product I've been using to reduce it. I've been using this product for the past ten years. Ten years of suffering through "acne" could have been easily avoided. FML I agree, your life sucks 3735 You deserved it 1129 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MonCoiffeurAdoré Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 34912 You deserved it 2116 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WhyAppleWhy - United States - Sarasota Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML I agree, your life sucks 22486 You deserved it 52559 201 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cherie - United States Today, I received a private message on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, subject: "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML I agree, your life sucks 34216 You deserved it 2441 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dummy - United States Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML I agree, your life sucks 32603 You deserved it 5633 139 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Denmark - Aarhus Today, I saw a homeless guy in the street. It really upset me how everyone's spirit of giving vanished as soon as Christmas was over, so I said fuck it and gave him about $50 worth of money. I barely made it 10 feet away, when another guy mugged him for the money I just gave. FML I agree, your life sucks 40571 You deserved it 3645 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By surfergal91 - United States No Ragrets Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML I agree, your life sucks 45605 You deserved it 4130 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By littlemiss - Canada - Whitby Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML I agree, your life sucks 38501 You deserved it 3030 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I decided to try this new cardio workout video I got. As I was obnoxiously bouncing around my room I heard a noise behind me. Turns out there were three boys outside my window watching. FML I agree, your life sucks 18042 You deserved it 29041 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anon Not the nuggets! Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML I agree, your life sucks 4783 You deserved it 471 27 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Olihime - United Kingdom Today, while playing spin the bottle, my two spins landed on two really pretty girls. The first girl I missed and kissed her chin. The second girl I headbutted and gave a nosebleed. FML I agree, your life sucks 14044 You deserved it 44299 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DisgustingCreatures - United States - Houston Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML I agree, your life sucks 13506 You deserved it 1141 48 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML I agree, your life sucks 35772 You deserved it 5028 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FullOfNick - United States Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML I agree, your life sucks 17618 You deserved it 35750 169 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dancing King - Norway - Egersund Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML I agree, your life sucks 29329 You deserved it 43053 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 08:02 - United States - Ann Arbor How's your hovel? Today, I was cooking in my Airbnb and grabbed a pan, only to find it had some kind of beetle and droppings all over it. I realized soon after that the whole place was infested, but the person in charge of maintenance won’t answer my messages. FML I agree, your life sucks 1049 You deserved it 80 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BlueBallMcGee - United States Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML I agree, your life sucks 64593 You deserved it 6992 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Elephant1718 - United States - The Dalles Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 46779 You deserved it 3033 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By danyelicindereli - United States Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML I agree, your life sucks 21191 You deserved it 48027 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous BURN Today, at work, I cashed out a sweet old lady. As I handed her the bag, she looked at me kindly and said, “Don’t worry sweetie. It will get better!” to which I responded, “What will get better?” She smiled at me and said, “Your face.” FML I agree, your life sucks 4618 You deserved it 348 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/8/2020 02:01 Rude Today, my brother-in-law still insists on referring to me as "his brother's wife" and tells everyone I'm not his "sister-in-law." I've been married to his brother for 10 years. FML I agree, your life sucks 1370 You deserved it 138 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By obsessed - United States Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML I agree, your life sucks 9223 You deserved it 89111 458 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lauren - United States Today, I discovered that my cleaning lady steals valuables from me, and covered it up by saying that "the vacuum must've eaten it." FML I agree, your life sucks 40000 You deserved it 7078 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Lake Dallas Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML I agree, your life sucks 25460 You deserved it 53062 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By losingit - United States Today, I learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young. My girlfriend was sitting next to me when I got the news, and several hours later broke up with me in a text stating, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have real parents." FML I agree, your life sucks 84041 You deserved it 3792 368 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By vinniesuckmadack - United States Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML I agree, your life sucks 47373 You deserved it 37915 263 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jay - United States Today, my boss asked me to pick up some supplies for a presentation. I entered the store in the middle of an armed robbery, was knocked to the floor, and had my cash, phone and credit cards stolen. When I told my boss the story, she said, "So were you able to get the binder clips?" FML I agree, your life sucks 67334 You deserved it 3366 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sir_ND_Pity | 35 #5261185 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:59 Suuuure, OP. Your wife put it there. Gotcha ;) Send a private message 140 2 Reply
By lostcrazydiamond | 10 #5261186 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:00 I find your username amusing, OP. You don't like them "that much"? Send a private message 89 2 Reply
By RougeRamirez | 8 #5261170 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:54 Is your name Joe Dirt? Send a private message 18 51 Reply
Reply AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml | 12 #5261244 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:30 No, his name is "I don't even like butts that much" :D Send a private message 42 4 Reply
Reply spekledworf | 18 #5261790 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 15:09 I thought of Joe Dirt too, if it helps Send a private message 4 16 Reply
By melsaraj | 9 #5261172 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:56 Man up a little and peal it off Send a private message 4 1 Reply
By zenrael | 21 #5261173 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:56 Please rip that off right now. Fuck that shit. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
By kyliebear | 15 #5261178 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:57 just take it off? Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By SApprentice | 33 #5261182 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:58 Just remove it? If you explain that it makes you uncomfortable then she shouldn't mind too much. Send a private message 53 10 Reply
Reply SaltukBugraHan | 8 #5261679 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 14:07 It's the fact that it was there for a while that makes it FML worthy. Send a private message 20 0 Reply
Reply oj101 | 33 #5261822 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 15:27 #28 - I wonder how he hadn't noticed it? I notice even the tiniest scratches on my car/phone/laptop etc. Granted, not everyone can pay such attention to detail but surely the average person would have noticed a new bumper sticker immediately? Send a private message 3 14 Reply
By pastnastificatio | 4 #5261183 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:59 No idea how long that's been on there, eh? Send a private message 29 5 Reply
By Sir_ND_Pity | 35 #5261185 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:59 Suuuure, OP. Your wife put it there. Gotcha ;) Send a private message 140 2 Reply
Reply Werken247 | 14 #5262582 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 20:48 uh huh... right next to the rainbow sticker Send a private message 15 0 Reply
By lostcrazydiamond | 10 #5261186 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:00 I find your username amusing, OP. You don't like them "that much"? Send a private message 89 2 Reply
Reply fsomelife | 26 #5261393 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 11:58 Not enough to have a bumper sticker about it. Send a private message 5 7 Reply
By Thisfreakingguy | 10 #5261191 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:01 Lol, I'd say its time to start a bumper sticker war! Send a private message 41 3 Reply
By robo_thunder | 13 #5261193 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:03 Better than covering your car in political stickers...right? Send a private message 36 7 Reply
Reply TheDrifter | 23 #5262107 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 17:34 Political bumper stickers are fun. I look for the most extreme and non PC ones I can find for my truck, just for the look on peoples faces. Send a private message 3 3 Reply
Today, the guy who told me he “wasn’t looking for a relationship” started being in a relationship with another girl. I lost my virginity to him and went... I agree, your life sucks 153 You deserved it 62 4 Comments
Today, I had to create a new password for my computer. I had to do it to stop my father from watching porn on my computer. FML I agree, your life sucks 476 You deserved it 30 1 Comments