Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that... - FML

By idontevenlikebuttsthatmuch - United States - Mesa

Today, I noticed my wife put a bumper sticker on our car that says "Cowboy butts drive me nuts." I've driven that car to work every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31289

You deserved it

4184

Tweet

Share

No justice

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

Bird's eye view

By Anonymous

Today, after I'd remembered to start writing a list of my PTSD symptoms for my shrink, because I'm extremely forgetful, it finally took me three days to remember to write down forgetfulness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1415

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By Aether - United States - Lake Jackson

Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39465

You deserved it

4737

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39755

You deserved it

2624

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54232

You deserved it

5196

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, the water was shut off, so I had to wash down my anti convulsants, anti depressants and sleep aids with an old, flat, non-alcoholic beer from the night before. I don't think I've ever had a more mentally dysfunctional cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3646

You deserved it

684

Tweet

Share

By disturbedgd - South Africa

Today, after years of listening to my coworker complaining about everything in her life, including her job, I finally stood up to her and bitched at her for complaining and not doing anything about it. She went to my boss, and now it's in my job description to listen to her when she complains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17901

You deserved it

1871

Tweet

Share

By blackntangirl - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53229

You deserved it

13956

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bloomdale

Today, my husband and I switched phones by accident. I've already received several naked pictures from one of his co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65576

You deserved it

4379

Tweet

Share

By Application - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28617

You deserved it

2089

Tweet

Share

By aprilfools22 - United States

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29813

You deserved it

12572

Tweet

Share

By grlzze444 - United States

Today, my swim coach had me swim a 400 meter freestyle. Feeling a little sick near the end, I lifted my head to breathe, then burped, and threw up violently all in the pool. All my team mates screamed horrified running out of the pool, and now they have to drain it. I was told not to come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33338

You deserved it

4117

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40450

You deserved it

7019

Tweet

Share

By sobasics - United States

Today, I finally got a phone call from a publisher saying they would publish the book I'd written. I'd gotten loads of rejection letters, so I was so excited. Until I realized it was my dad, feeling sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47305

You deserved it

3702

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Mommy Issues

Today, my mother-in-law yanked my corset so tight that I shit myself. While wearing my dress. On my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4391

You deserved it

373

Tweet

Share

By cheese123 - United States

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30193

You deserved it

3207

Tweet

Share

By MomLovesMeLessThanTrash - United States

Today, I slipped on a plastic bag that my mom, the hoarder, was keeping on the stairs. I fell and sprained my ankle, getting rug burn in the process. Her response? Getting mad at me, putting the bag back on the stairs, then getting another to add to the pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32038

You deserved it

2692

Tweet

Share

By Noob - United States - Houston

Today, I restarted my desktop computer at work. Nobody told me, but it turns out that my computer holds the licenses used for all programs on the server. Needless to say, a lot of people hate me right now. It's only my fifth day here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4677

You deserved it

429

Tweet

Share

By Anon - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36187

You deserved it

125942

Tweet

Share

By Stu - United States

Today, my girlfriend got a Twitter account. Now she won't stop hashtagging everything she sends me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23584

You deserved it

2750

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was moving. While packing, I found an old photo that had been laying face down in the bottom of a drawer for some time, and some of the ink transfered to the drawer lining. There is now an image of my ex-girlfriend's face permanently burned into the bottom of my nightstand drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31999

You deserved it

5725

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28084

You deserved it

2653

Tweet

Share

By stelssy - United States

Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32159

You deserved it

12905

Tweet

Share

By only1bigdogme - United States

Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12729

You deserved it

53012

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Kingston

Today, my girlfriend dyed her hair from blonde to brunette. An hour later, she found one of her blonde hairs on my pillow, and accused me of cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30304

You deserved it

2052

Tweet

Share

By mykodu - Canada - Toronto

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35215

You deserved it

4850

Tweet

Share

By Dulok Warrior Princess - United States - New York

Today, at gym class, coach placed the boys on an "advanced level" rope climb by having a girl cling on their back. I got paired with my crush. As he climbed, we were trailing behind so I cheered for him to go faster. He loudly responded, "Why don't you go on a diet!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

3325

You deserved it

642

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/5/2020 23:05

What a charmer

Today, after surgery on Monday, I can’t do much because of where my scars are until they heal. My husband won’t clean the house at all, dishes are all over my kitchen bar, laundry is all piled up by the washing machine. When I asked for help, he said it’s not his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2027

You deserved it

533

Tweet

Share

By Obee - Canada

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77137

You deserved it

27425

Tweet

Share

By iloveretail - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14755

You deserved it

796

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49754

You deserved it

6721

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the airport about to leave for my business trip. In the restroom, I put my purse on the edge of the sink and got my lipstick out. I leaned closer to apply my lipstick and my open purse fell into the sink, triggering the automatic faucet, filling my purse with water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26682

You deserved it

9957

Tweet

Share

By Loho - Canada

Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18874

You deserved it

104778

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30788

You deserved it

2524

Tweet

Share

By Hikara - Australia

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

165082

You deserved it

24299

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15948

You deserved it

32279

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11731

You deserved it

1265

Tweet

Share

By Dopeboyfresh71 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was a bill from my parents. Apparently, the rent is due on the 1st. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34859

You deserved it

3250

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy who sits beside me every day leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22877

You deserved it

2419

Tweet

Share

By Flattie

Today, I finally measured myself to find a properly fitted bra. I'm AAA, a size which doesn't technically exist. Goodbye self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3481

You deserved it

326

Tweet

Share

By "Geric Brawner"

Today, my car broke down in traffic. It's okay though, everyone honked in support while I moved my vehicle from the busy intersection. Only the third time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4540

You deserved it

987

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Sir_ND_Pity | 35

#5261185 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:59

Suuuure, OP. Your wife put it there. Gotcha ;)

By lostcrazydiamond | 10

#5261186 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:00

I find your username amusing, OP. You don't like them "that much"?

COMMENTS

By RougeRamirez | 8

#5261170 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:54

Is your name Joe Dirt?

Reply

AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml | 12

#5261244 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:30

No, his name is "I don't even like butts that much" :D

Reply

spekledworf | 18

#5261790 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 15:09

I thought of Joe Dirt too, if it helps

By melsaraj | 9

#5261172 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:56

Man up a little and peal it off

By zenrael | 21

#5261173 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:56

Please rip that off right now. Fuck that shit.

By kyliebear | 15

#5261178 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:57

just take it off?

By SApprentice | 33

#5261182 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:58

Just remove it? If you explain that it makes you uncomfortable then she shouldn't mind too much.

Reply

SaltukBugraHan | 8

#5261679 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 14:07

It's the fact that it was there for a while that makes it FML worthy.

Reply

oj101 | 33

#5261822 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 15:27

#28 - I wonder how he hadn't noticed it? I notice even the tiniest scratches on my car/phone/laptop etc. Granted, not everyone can pay such attention to detail but surely the average person would have noticed a new bumper sticker immediately?

By pastnastificatio | 4

#5261183 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:59

No idea how long that's been on there, eh?

By Sir_ND_Pity | 35

#5261185 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:59

Suuuure, OP. Your wife put it there. Gotcha ;)

Reply

Werken247 | 14

#5262582 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 20:48

uh huh... right next to the rainbow sticker

By lostcrazydiamond | 10

#5261186 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:00

I find your username amusing, OP. You don't like them "that much"?

Reply

fsomelife | 26

#5261393 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 11:58

Not enough to have a bumper sticker about it.

By Thisfreakingguy | 10

#5261191 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:01

Lol, I'd say its time to start a bumper sticker war!

By robo_thunder | 13

#5261193 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 9:03

Better than covering your car in political stickers...right?

Reply

TheDrifter | 23

#5262107 - Wednesday 19 December 2012 17:34

Political bumper stickers are fun. I look for the most extreme and non PC ones I can find for my truck, just for the look on peoples faces.