Work: Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career... - FML

By kawaiixalice - United States

Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML

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Late term

How to make a sociopath

Nerves of steel

By

Long thought

Today, I was on the toilet and jumped when I saw a face at the window. It was my own reflection. FML

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By bluediva24

Today, I spent all day preparing a big, elaborate Italian dinner for my boyfriend, who recently discovered he was part Italian. He came home, turned up his nose and said "I was in the mood for Chinese". FML

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By Gretchen

Today, I went to see my banker. As we were finishing everything up, I leaned forward to sign something. As I went back to sit down, my 2 year old pulled the chair out from under me, and I crashed down to the floor. FML

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By Radgirl - United States

Today, while on a run off campus with my german shepherd, I tried to impress a couple of hot fraternity guys playing football outside of their house. I broke out into a full sprint. I then got tangled in my dog's leash and fell straight in to a parked jeep knocking myself unconscious. FML

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By gutsforme - New Zealand

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for for his birthday in a couple of days. He replied "to be single" and walked out of the room. FML

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By Anonymous - India

Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML

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By Anonymous

Cockstepblocked

Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML

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By chubbyg - Australia - Clarinda

Today, my boyfriend asked me when I was going to shave my arms now that summer is coming in Australia. FML

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By Ackbar - United States

Today, I fell out of the shower. It was still on. Bracing my fall, I reached into the toilet. It wasn't flushed. FML

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By anne - Canada

Today, my 20 year old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

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By cakefete2 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was reviewing documents at work, only to find one of my coworkers has been signing off on paperwork, claiming he's been walking one of the residents daily. Aside from being a double leg amputee, the patient died two weeks ago. The state review board comes this week. FML

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By Fran - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, a student's mother sent me an e-mail complaining that I was requiring her child to read a book containing mild profanity. She then demanded me to let him read an easier book. This would've been somewhat acceptable if the student wasn't in the 12th grade. FML

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By oh hey there

Today, I went shopping for a nice outfit to wear for a job interview. A fake job interview. One that I just made up so my mother would get off my case about finding a job. I don't know which is sadder, the fact that I can't get a job, or that my mother actually believed me about the interview. FML

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By space_cadet90818 - United States

Today, I woke up with one of the worst migraines I've had in months. My mother (who thinks I'm a hypochondriac) began to scream at me about "making up an illness". When I asked for my meds, she called me an addict and dumped my $300 prescription down the sink. FML

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By unknown relationship - United States - Shorewood

Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship after he told me he loved me. FML

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By liilii - India - Trivandrum

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma and I were watching the Ranger's playoff game. As Henrik Lundqvist received a standing ovation from the crowd after blocking 38 shots, she says to me, "Check out his equipment!" My 80-year old grandma just commented on Henrik Lundqvist's package. FML

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By ManInPain - United States

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

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By Star_Wars_Lover - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

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By littlebigbrother - Japan

Today, we got a call that my brother stuck a rock up his nose and couldn't get it out. My mom had to pick him up and take him to the hospital. My brother is 20. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, seconds after my mom put my yorkie onto my bed, he threw up. His head was not fully over the bed itself, so the wet chunks fell straight into my backpack onto my new school books. FML

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By OL2R - United States - Somerville

Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML

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By fxck - South Africa - Durban

Today, while walking home, I passed some guy loudly whining that foreign imports are destroying our economy, and that we should all be deported. When I pointed out that the mobile phone in his hand was clearly a Samsung, he turned bright red and punched me in the gut. FML

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By KasSmoke - United States - Justin

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

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By flyakite - United States

Today, my boss decided our 4 year relationship was unethical, so she broke up with me, then terminated my employment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wilmington

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

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By sad fat drunk - 25/5/2020 05:00

Boozehound

Today, I realized that my one and only motivation to lose weight was the fact that it would take less alcohol to get me blitzed if I didn’t weigh as much. FML

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By over_protected - Canada

Today, I received a message from front desk that my concerned father is trying to contact me. I call only to hear that my parents were freaking out that I wasn't answering my phone. They saw me 9 hours ago. They were going to call the police. I'm in college and also don't live with them anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out I'm allergic to mosquito repellent. I fly out on a two month trip to India on Saturday. FML

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By sunshine19217 - United States

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

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By Geese Ahoy - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I was reading on a park bench not far from a grassy spot and a pond. A flock of geese landed on the grassy patch and began to eat some grass. I thought that I may be bothering the geese, but decided if I left them alone, they'd leave me alone as well. I was wrong. Geese are assholes. FML

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By Just Set Me On Fire

Nope.

Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML

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By extants - United States

Today, I found out my broker invested my $6000 in the wrong stock. How did I find out? He called me to let me know the stock crashed. FML

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By .... - Canada

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Franklin

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2020 05:00

Beautiful

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

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By

Today, after months of delays, my home renovation is nearing completion. Well, it was nearing completion. Last night, a pipe burst, flooding the entire house. The water damage will cost more to repair than the entire renovation. FML

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By sorejecteditmakesmewannacry - France - Poissy

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

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By fuckdubstep51 - United States - Willingboro

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

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Top comments

By Endo22 | 0

#741157 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:28

FYDL

fuck your dads life. Honestly you're mad about one day, that guy lives the shit 24/7. (no pun intended)

By CBR77 | 0

#741158 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:28

Same shit, different day. xD

COMMENTS

By ipwnallmen | 10

#741153 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:27

sounds like a shitty day

Reply

crazzle | 0

#741177 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:35

zing

Reply

revieced | 13

#741209 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:47

hahahaha

Reply

swgipe | 9

#742093 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 4:02

I would LOVE to talk to your dad about his job. I'm a RVT and running fecals is a big part of my job. I see some really cool parasites and would love to know how often humans contact the zoonotic ones.

Reply

GeorgeBoosh | 0

#742441 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 6:46

I think, but I'm not too sure, it's his way of saying his Dad is gay.

Reply

danceintherain_ | 0

#742563 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 8:18

http://www.ihatestacy.com/index.php?id=c66ee44265ba3b89d30a5c5e1165d13c

Reply

ipwnallmen | 10

#742828 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 11:40

wtf what happened to my comment!!! I had said, guess it was a shitty day or something like it, and wtf now!
stupid commenting system, idiot site, dumbass fml staff..
this is a reply to 1.. this is so blow!

By Endo22 | 0

#741157 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:28

FYDL

fuck your dads life. Honestly you're mad about one day, that guy lives the shit 24/7. (no pun intended)

Reply

krnmafia92 | 0

#742018 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 3:36

He probably make a lot of money, since he's doing a job that no one likes to do.

Reply

tisiphone_fml | 0

#749545 - Saturday 2 January 2010 1:24

^^^ this. Research job, in a less than desirable field. Big bucks there, and plenty of guidelines to stay sanitary.

By CBR77 | 0

#741158 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:28

Same shit, different day. xD

Reply

Sockturtle | 17

#5670550 - Thursday 12 September 2013 20:01

Stephen King quote?

By netfreak | 0

#741160 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:29

talk about the ass end of a career choice

By mrburling92 | 0

#741165 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:30

Well, if your dad knows that you don't like his job i don't think that it would be terribly out of line to decline and just keep trying to find one. And you probably should have tried looking for someone ahead of time instead of just waiting at the last moment like I would have. Preperation pays off.

Reply

turdburgers | 0

#741483 - Monday 28 December 2009 23:18

Preparation H?

Reply

mrburling92 | 0

#745924 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 23:57

Yes
Preperation H

By ipwnallmen | 10

#741167 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:31

3 and 4 FTW!!!

By RyanKaufman | 7

#741168 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:32

Yeah, that's not even Mike Rowe worthy.

By youthink_fml | 0

#741172 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:33

So what?! I'm sure you wore protection and it's only one day. Some people cry about every little thing.

By Microbiologist | 0

#741179 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:35

There is nothing wrong with looking at stool samples! Get the fuck over yourself. It's not a FML to do that, it's really interesting, if you catch a good one you just changed someones life long term.

I hope you get Taenia and no one looks at your stool.

Reply

Microbiologist | 0

#741477 - Monday 28 December 2009 23:15

nub - me! (clue's in the user name!)

Reply

Malinkrot | 3

#741573 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 0:02

there are things you can do everyday that are bad such as crack

Reply

swgipe | 9

#742098 - Tuesday 29 December 2009 4:04

I wish cryptosporidium on them (: --Registered Vet Tech

By lebeek | 0

#741182 - Monday 28 December 2009 20:37

nom nom.