Work: Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career... - FML

By kawaiixalice - 28/12/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I needed to job shadow someone for my winter break career project. Not finding someone to take me along to their job, my mom suggested shadowing my dad. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I went with him. All day I sat and helped him test human poop samples for parasites. Some was diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 888

You deserved it 4 079

Batman

Dementia or hate? You decide

Good kid

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 566

You deserved it 19 133

By ywouldudomelikethat - 03/01/2016 20:02 - United States - Renton

Spicy

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 505

You deserved it 4 552

By Worsttreeever - 05/12/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 332

You deserved it 3 510

Get it on, bang a gong

By DrySpellcaster - 07/10/2020 16:57

Spicy

Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, even my wet dreams are about doing it solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 204

By crapped on - 16/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 939

You deserved it 4 140

By agnosticstudy - 28/01/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, all three of my meals consisted of 2 hot pockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 889

You deserved it 27 679

By yacoob - 24/01/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I figured out that my baby-powder container can be closed by twisting the cap. I just got back from a long trip. My suitcase used to be black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 605

You deserved it 25 127

By thanksdad - 16/03/2014 19:28 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 740

You deserved it 6 266

By whoneedsdumbcars - 14/08/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with her friend. A few minutes later they came back, laughing uncontrollably, and announced that some moron forgot to put on their parking brake and the car was rolling into the full parking lot. It was my car. They watched me chase it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 346

You deserved it 39 638

By MUemma - 26/02/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me. He told me he was cheating on me, and that he wanted to break up. I was so angry that as he left, I started screaming at him out of my second story apartment window. I picked up a huge potted plant and shoved it through the window at him. It missed my ex and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 813

You deserved it 48 173

By oww - 05/09/2015 01:25 - United States - Tekonsha

Today, I came to work with a huge hangover after a night out. I work as a marching band director, and guess who I had to conduct a sectional with? That's right, percussion. My head still hasn't stopped throbbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 743

You deserved it 28 521

By Anonymous - 04/08/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 496

You deserved it 39 351

By Momo8612 - 21/04/2017 12:00

Today, while shopping for groceries, a small child pointed at my face and exclaimed : "DOGGIE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 623

You deserved it 289

Experimentation is good

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, I was at my friend's place with a bunch of people. I saw a pair of panties in his laundry basket, so of course I yelled, "DUDE! YOU GOT LAID!" Turns out he didn't get laid, he was 'experimenting'. He was so mortified, he burst out crying and threw us all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 2 271

By Anonymous - 25/08/2013 23:30 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend gave me the painting he had been working on. It was a heart with wings, my name, and the date we started dating. We have been dating for almost a year and a half. He misspelled my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 341

You deserved it 4 938

Please like me

By Stupid-Brain - 06/10/2020 09:59

Today, like every other time for as long as I can remember, even the slightest suggestion that someone doesn't want to be around me sends me into a major panic attack. I've been in therapy for three years to try and handle my anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 183

By Boo - 16/08/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend pulled the whole "whoops wrong hole" thing during rough sex. He broke up with me because he got poop on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 445

You deserved it 375

By Anonymous - 03/03/2013 14:40 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 366

You deserved it 50 091

Got something to read?

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 10:01 - Sweden

Today, I started the first day of my job as newspaper distributor, after a year of struggling to find a job. I got stuck in an elevator for two hours very early in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 51

By vegeta - 24/12/2018 20:00

Today, I’ve been getting sexy messages from an unknown number. First I told her to stop multiple times, then I blocked her. I can only assume that she changed her number and managed to find me and message me again. My girlfriend saw the messages and told me flatly “It’s over.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 906

You deserved it 190

By notsoproudfather - 01/02/2016 15:54 - India - Pune

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 935

You deserved it 2 292

By Anonymous - 24/06/2015 17:41

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 183

You deserved it 2 436

By singleagain - 24/08/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I almost got married. After the elaborate and very expensive wedding, my "husband" decided he did not want to sign the marriage license because he wasn't sure if he really wanted to settle down after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 305

You deserved it 3 492

By Still No Phone - 21/05/2017 12:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I checked for the third time this week if my package that 'arrived' five days ago had been found. Not only was it a different employee at the concierge desk, meaning I had to explain everything again, but they told me the same bullshit about how it's "not their fault". The package is my new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 688

You deserved it 300

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 10:32 - United States - Levelland

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 720

You deserved it 2 690

Who? Where?

By happybirthday - 06/03/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 128

You deserved it 2 771

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 19:38 - United Kingdom - Bridgnorth

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 399

You deserved it 8 449

By hikingtospace - 04/10/2016 15:25 - United States - Hilliard

Today, after laying down to sleep, my boyfriend seemed like he was having trouble trying to say something. After asking what was wrong a couple of times, he said, "I don't want to do this anymore" and got up and left. I had planned on telling him I love him. Saved myself some embarrassment I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 496

You deserved it 929

Et tu, Brute?

By missseloit3 - 09/12/2017 01:30

Today I caught my husband cheating on me in our bed with my 19-year-old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 205

You deserved it 537

By Anonymous - 21/01/2012 10:45 - Russian Federation

Spicy

Today, I got home from my 6-week vacation. Apparently, my mum cleaned my room for me while I was gone because my vibrator was neatly tucked into my blanket, next to my pillow instead of being hidden under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 343

You deserved it 9 276

By oh lord - 27/05/2012 16:06 - Canada - Oshawa

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 488

You deserved it 16 842

By LilyL - 06/06/2010 21:53 - United States

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 042

You deserved it 5 710

Classic Dave

By not the mama - 24/10/2020 02:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, after years of trying, I got the wonderful news that my husband is going to be a father. Too bad I’m not the mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 70

That's a lot of damage!

By Stressed_Out_Student - 29/08/2018 22:00

Today, I had to do a still life of a pillowcase for my drawing class. To make up for bad grades I've gotten before, I followed my professor's directions to a T. He took 19 points off because I drew the background when no one else did. We have to do it for every piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 806

You deserved it 227

By Big bootay - 28/01/2019 16:00

Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year old son pointed to a lady and exclaimed “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 340

Toilet drama

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 17:01

Today, I'd always thought the scene in Scrubs when JD passes out while pooping was hilarious, until it happened to me. I recently found out I have a heart defect that can cause me to pass out if my blood pressure rises, and yes, I did pass out on the toilet and woke up covered in my own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 105

Burn out

By ShitOuttaLuck - 02/10/2021 20:00

Today, I'm dead on my feet after being awake since 1AM with the baby. I begged my wife to watch both the baby and our four year-old for an hour while I napped. She refused, and instead said she needed a rest more. Her reason? “I might need to do a shit later.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 138

By Tgreject - 16/08/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I was planning on asking out a girl I've been really close to for a few months now. I was with her when I got a forward text from my friend. It was from the girl and it said "noooo tell him not to ask me out I don't like him." I got rejected via forward text before I told her how I felt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 406

You deserved it 3 144

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 27/04/2021 22:59 - Australia

Today, after growing up in abusive homes most of my life until last year, I'm finally the happiest I could be and I'm getting all the help I need and achieving my dreams. I feel genuinely happy, yet I still want to end it. I've asked doctors for meds but they want me to see a psychiatrist first. The waiting list is more than a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 80

By musamalia - 06/01/2009 11:58 - France

Today, a very pretty girl came up to me and asked me for my phone number. Very pleased, I give it to her with a huge smile and tell her that I can be reached at any time. I then watch her go back to her group of friends. My number was for her gay friend, who then meekly waved at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 907

You deserved it 3 438

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:28

FYDL fuck your dads life. Honestly you're mad about one day, that guy lives the shit 24/7. (no pun intended)

CBR77 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:28

Same shit, different day. xD

Comments

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:27

sounds like a shitty day

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:35

zing

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:47

hahahaha

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Tuesday 29 December 2009 4:02

I would LOVE to talk to your dad about his job. I'm a RVT and running fecals is a big part of my job. I see some really cool parasites and would love to know how often humans contact the zoonotic ones.

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Tuesday 29 December 2009 6:46

I think, but I'm not too sure, it's his way of saying his Dad is gay.

danceintherain_ 0

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Tuesday 29 December 2009 8:18

http://www.ihatestacy.com/index.php?id=c66ee44265ba3b89d30a5c5e1165d13c

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Tuesday 29 December 2009 11:40

wtf what happened to my comment!!! I had said, guess it was a shitty day or something like it, and wtf now! stupid commenting system, idiot site, dumbass fml staff.. this is a reply to 1.. this is so blow!

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:28

FYDL fuck your dads life. Honestly you're mad about one day, that guy lives the shit 24/7. (no pun intended)

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Tuesday 29 December 2009 3:36

He probably make a lot of money, since he's doing a job that no one likes to do.

tisiphone_fml 0

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Saturday 2 January 2010 1:24

^^^ this. Research job, in a less than desirable field. Big bucks there, and plenty of guidelines to stay sanitary.

CBR77 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:28

Same shit, different day. xD

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Thursday 12 September 2013 20:01

Stephen King quote?

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:29

talk about the ass end of a career choice

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:30

Well, if your dad knows that you don't like his job i don't think that it would be terribly out of line to decline and just keep trying to find one. And you probably should have tried looking for someone ahead of time instead of just waiting at the last moment like I would have. Preperation pays off.

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Monday 28 December 2009 23:18

Preparation H?

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 23:57

Yes Preperation H

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:31

3 and 4 FTW!!!

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:32

Yeah, that's not even Mike Rowe worthy.

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:33

So what?! I'm sure you wore protection and it's only one day. Some people cry about every little thing.

Microbiologist 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:35

There is nothing wrong with looking at stool samples! Get the fuck over yourself. It's not a FML to do that, it's really interesting, if you catch a good one you just changed someones life long term. I hope you get Taenia and no one looks at your stool.

Microbiologist 0

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Monday 28 December 2009 23:15

nub - me! (clue's in the user name!)

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Tuesday 29 December 2009 0:02

there are things you can do everyday that are bad such as crack

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Tuesday 29 December 2009 4:04

I wish cryptosporidium on them (: --Registered Vet Tech

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Monday 28 December 2009 20:37

nom nom.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 120

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 295