Health: Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36596

You deserved it

5228

Tweet

Share

Out of it

Mr Commitment

I'm not that old!

By Heifer - United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52801

You deserved it

21283

Tweet

Share

By terrifiedanon - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1563

You deserved it

126

Tweet

Share

By unexpected_failure - United Kingdom

Today, I was showing my Mom how to use the Internet on her phone. As there was bad reception, it said "Unexpected Failure." Seeing it, she muttered under her breath, "Just like you, then..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33836

You deserved it

3079

Tweet

Share

By 1378 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my sister why it's unhygienic, socially unacceptable and downright inappropriate to apply Thrush ointment in the lounge room. I realised I wasn't getting through to her when she called me ''Uptight,'' ''Victorian" and ''prudish'' to name a few. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21105

You deserved it

2965

Tweet

Share

By dinosaur - United States

Today, my friend sent me a link about a nine year old kid who wrote an iPhone app that gets 2000 downloads per week. I am a 28 year old software developer and have been failing to write an iPhone app for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35146

You deserved it

6092

Tweet

Share

By Anthony - France

Today, on a train, a little boy and girl come up to me and ask how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appears and says, "Go on, tell them!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

24089

You deserved it

1644

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Grand Old Irony

Today, I asked my 'friend with benefits' if she'd consider actually dating me regularly. She said yes, but only if I joined the Republican Party, because she "would never date anyone who didn't fight for morality." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1930

You deserved it

824

Tweet

Share

By firethorn - United States

Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35996

You deserved it

3566

Tweet

Share

By oh well - United States

Today, the only birthday present I got was a gift card to a steak house. Not a bad gift, but I'm a vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33709

You deserved it

8366

Tweet

Share

By Thanks Honey - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56491

You deserved it

5178

Tweet

Share

By whiteycan'tgetitrightey - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29918

You deserved it

4906

Tweet

Share

By fuck you sis

Loyalty card

Today, my parents lectured me about the importance of family, and how forgiveness is necessary. This came after I stopped speaking to my sister. I cut her out of my life after she slept with a second boyfriend of mine. Apparently, it’s up to me to "be the bigger person." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2166

You deserved it

158

Tweet

Share

By quietsleeper - United States

Today, my new girlfriend told me I don't snore when I sleep. Which is funny, since during the last year of my marriage, my ex-wife would make me sleep on the couch because my loud snoring kept her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37384

You deserved it

2948

Tweet

Share

By ineedanotherdrink - United States

Cheers

Today, I went out drinking with a friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, she said, "Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?" Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy by the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49892

You deserved it

5398

Tweet

Share

By - United States - Huntsville

Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3745

You deserved it

346

Tweet

Share

By Postdotfuzz - United States

Today, our midterm exams were returned in my urban politics class. I had studied hard and scored 86%. The blonde girl next to me got a 92. Earlier in the semester she had asked me what state Detroit was in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33523

You deserved it

9135

Tweet

Share

By _TaToRtOt_ - United States

Today, my step dad stole over $400 worth of savings from me. He spent it on alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40462

You deserved it

4112

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64360

You deserved it

4029

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24822

You deserved it

4655

Tweet

Share

By gross - United States

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23743

You deserved it

3139

Tweet

Share

By newbornphotog - Germany - Berchtesgaden

Today, I finally realized I've spent the last 6 years building a business I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11719

You deserved it

2097

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was making out with this guy I had been seeing, and things start to get pretty steamy. As he paused for a second, I thought he was going to get up and find a condom, but instead he turns to me and says, "I think I'm going to go to the library." I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22006

You deserved it

3497

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44932

You deserved it

4111

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Letchworth

Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31436

You deserved it

4009

Tweet

Share

By fuck - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30761

You deserved it

4040

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Pissed

Today, I went to the hospital, which was super busy. I did a pee test when I first arrived. After 5 hours of waiting, they told me they'd lost my pee. How do you lose someone's piss? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1683

You deserved it

111

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51760

You deserved it

28099

Tweet

Share

By kitkat545 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29886

You deserved it

50747

Tweet

Share

By figures - United States

Today, I got a card from the jewelry store thanking me for purchasing an engagement ring a year ago and wishing me and my fiancée a long and everlasting marriage. Too bad my fiancée took off with the pizza delivery boy 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37550

You deserved it

2378

Tweet

Share

By Walker Alldredge - 15/9/2020 00:02 - United States - Ogden

Out of it

Today, I was recently diagnosed with mononucleosis. This means that I'm really tired. I had been planning a trip with my sister and my cousin, but I didn’t wake up this morning at 7 because of the Mono, and they didn’t bother to wake me up. They went without me, to all my favorite places, leaving me at home with nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2140

You deserved it

543

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. He then told me that he will love me forever, wait for me and will follow me to the ends of the earth. Apparently, that means standing outside my door and calling my house phone every five minutes. It's been 3 hours straight now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37003

You deserved it

8939

Tweet

Share

By octoberrain - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet the family. After several long moments of silence, one of my sisters burst out laughing, and asked, "Okay, who is this guy really?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31516

You deserved it

3058

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, as a priest, I was invited to the home of a lady who claimed that the face of Jesus had appeared to her. She took me upstairs to her bathroom and... it was poo. She genuinely thought she could see Jesus in the poo sitting in her toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3167

You deserved it

333

Tweet

Share

By strongjon60 - United States

Today, at my internship, I was told we were going to do something fun. I was excited, until I found out that this "fun" thing was labeling 500 folders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24078

You deserved it

3618

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months started a bitter fight with me. The cause was me repeatedly refusing to dye my hair the way his beloved ex did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36452

You deserved it

3639

Tweet

Share

By Michele - United States

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43003

You deserved it

4006

Tweet

Share

By campmom

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49313

You deserved it

3811

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/4/2021 05:01

My man

Today, my man complained about having to listen to my "emotional problems for hours." Yeah, we did talk for two hours, 90% of which was him asking for my advice on which new mattress to buy for his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

760

You deserved it

91

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51630

You deserved it

7419

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my boss that in some parts of the world, it's currently winter, due to the different hemispheres. He scoffed, accused me of "making shit up," and said that if I took him for a fool again, I'd be looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31281

You deserved it

2338

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Nyehmaster | 0

#1924475 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:07

-insert shitty situation comment here-

By Kua_Mei | 0

#1924492 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:13

That must have been extremely unpleasant. Eww. FYL, OP.

COMMENTS

By Nyehmaster | 0

#1924475 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:07

-insert shitty situation comment here-

Reply

fakeaccountX | 6

#1924747 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 0:59

I also threw up. In my mouth. From reading this.

Reply

omgwork | 0

#1926211 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 8:49

or sucking my dick?^

Reply

andrewshields20 | 0

#1926306 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:14

talk about a shitty day. n I bet u were happier then a pig in shit. til u got home n shit hit the fan.

Reply

dumbestdrummer | 0

#1926984 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:11

captain obvious strikes again!

Reply

megamandude455 | 10

#1928657 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 20:25

68 wins

Reply

soccersgr8 | 6

#2740924 - Thursday 23 June 2011 7:19

well that's a load of shit

By wtfurcrazy | 0

#1924483 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:08

was it warm and squishy :)

Reply

PLAYSTATION33333 | 0

#1924812 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 1:17

did u have a hangover

Reply

blondeandhot | 0

#1925760 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 5:45

I normally have filthy underwear, just not from pooping myself ;).

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1925952 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 7:00

From... not washing them?

Reply

omgwork | 0

#1926214 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 8:54

only women wash clothes

Reply

DarylAndrew | 2

#3801723 - Thursday 29 December 2011 7:20

I think 57's talking about masturbation or urinating

Reply

LilSideTwerk | 0

#3807867 - Friday 30 December 2011 14:58

uhm why would you tell the world that 52?

By Kua_Mei | 0

#1924492 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:13

That must have been extremely unpleasant. Eww. FYL, OP.

Reply

hudson155 | 0

#1924937 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 1:54

ditto

Reply

rfngxhhshi | 0

#1926046 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 7:36

Almost as gross as everyone in number three's picture!

By Anteezy | 7

#1924503 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:16

Did you pop out a solid one in your underwear?

Reply

That_helped | 4

#1926974 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:10

it could've been Diarrhea.

Reply

mereed | 0

#3272385 - Sunday 11 September 2011 14:11

Or your head stupid

By raya_kz | 7

#1924541 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:19

Hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha

By InnocentLies | 0

#1924548 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:20

FYL, Ick.
I don't think anyone can deserve this.

Reply

jaesm17 | 5

#1924843 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 1:33

I see what you did there.

Reply

footballGOD58 | 0

#1925901 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 6:43

I don't see it.

By daddyslilswimmer | 0

#1924581 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:29

That's nasty

Reply

alig93 | 0

#1925104 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 2:32

because if the panties clog the toilet, it would just add to this fml.

By blasfmer | 0

#1924591 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:31

thats fantastic you struck gold

Reply

carlablob | 0

#2693128 - Thursday 16 June 2011 9:47

why did that comment make me lol

By Cass3m0 | 0

#1924594 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:32

Commando? D: Don't they have replacement clothes?

By iR0ckSkinnys | 3

#1924620 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:38

Wow that really sucks times 100.That's dramatizing on your first day.I wonder what was everyones reaction in the hallway who witnessed it,but don't worry every one pukes and craps;it's only human.

Reply

attatood | 7

#1924726 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 0:52

traumatizing as well :)

Reply

goaliemkl123 | 8

#1925455 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 4:18

you wrote that already