Health: Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and shit myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36577

You deserved it

5226

Tweet

Share

Commando

Optimism

This guy is a GENIUS

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58992

You deserved it

4049

Tweet

Share

By piece of crap car - United States - Portland

Today, I was supposed to start my first day of work at my dream job. However, my car had other plans and refused to start. When I called my boss to tell him I was going to be late, he told me not to come in at all and fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8717

You deserved it

1020

Tweet

Share

By Dummy - United States

Today, I saw an adorable girl at the bar and I went to talk to her. I decided to use my cheesiest pick up line to make her laugh. After I said it, she knew who I was. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32485

You deserved it

15946

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while driving I made a fake phone call with my fake boyfriend, making him sound amazing to my friends who were in the car with me. Until the red and blue flashing lights pulled up behind us. My fake boyfriend cost me $160 in real fines. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7939

You deserved it

66247

Tweet

Share

By csully - France

Today, I made some popcorn. Returning to the kitchen a couple of minutes later, I realized I was supposed to put a cover on the saucepan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7147

You deserved it

26640

Tweet

Share

By Christian - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. We are on a cruise together. She has already found another room to sleep in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53655

You deserved it

3541

Tweet

Share

By Mikey832 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46772

You deserved it

14748

Tweet

Share

By wormsick - United States

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tape worms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36891

You deserved it

3134

Tweet

Share

By Carnage23 - Germany - Herborn

Today, I was on a long roadtrip with my son. My son said he has to pee to which I answered he had to wait till I can stop the car. He started counting backwards from 10. I couldn't stop in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12921

You deserved it

2204

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Southfield

Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50026

You deserved it

4467

Tweet

Share

By Jonathan

Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73314

You deserved it

19690

Tweet

Share

By ClosetMishap - Canada

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32610

You deserved it

4555

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Toledo

Today, while working as a manager at a restaurant, the "All employees must wash hands" sign in the bathroom was stolen. Now my employees won't wash their hands because they "don't have to." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28017

You deserved it

2581

Tweet

Share

By shelookslikemiley - Australia

Today, I can't go on watching season 8 of The Big Bang Theory, not because of the steady decline of the show's quality, but because I can't stand Penny's new haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33014

You deserved it

19720

Tweet

Share

By seriously - United States - Goshen

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27998

You deserved it

18450

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I went to the hairdresser on a spur of the moment decision to get a quick wash and cut. 45 painful minutes and $180 later, I honestly don't know if anything was actually done to my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1507

You deserved it

456

Tweet

Share

By i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming - United States

Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30106

You deserved it

6352

Tweet

Share

By veggiegal - United States

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47336

You deserved it

7843

Tweet

Share

By cjhgvb - Canada - Halifax

Today, I found out it is possible to get whiplash and a concussion from a tickle fight you have with your boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31276

You deserved it

4200

Tweet

Share

By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32092

You deserved it

4353

Tweet

Share

By hot coffee - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14755

You deserved it

27027

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Honolulu

Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28840

You deserved it

2670

Tweet

Share

By jl_word - United States

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30556

You deserved it

3815

Tweet

Share

By Marriedtoajew

True Love

Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5781

You deserved it

402

Tweet

Share

By everybodysfool - United States

Today, after having an amazing intimate encounter with my boyfriend of 2 years, I put on an old pair of boxers I still have from when I was heavier. He thinks I am cheating on him and doesn't believe I used to be fat. Now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25905

You deserved it

4239

Tweet

Share

By ugh - United States - Troy

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31970

You deserved it

3362

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41873

You deserved it

3399

Tweet

Share

By parentalfail - United States

Today, my parents told me they're getting a divorce. However, they asked me not to tell any of the family so that the news doesn't spoil Christmas. Thanks, Mom and Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33209

You deserved it

2242

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Wales

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68010

You deserved it

24156

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29125

You deserved it

6628

Tweet

Share

By AcademicAdvisor - United States - Boston

Today, a student pooped his pants in my office. I work with undergrad and graduate students. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13789

You deserved it

1111

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I found out my dog is allergic to all forms of animal. His new vegetarian food is $90 a bag, and he refuses to eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14240

You deserved it

1086

Tweet

Share

By xloverin - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I remembered that the concert I bought tickets for over a month in advance was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23063

You deserved it

12063

Tweet

Share

By Jesse - United States

Today, McDonalds charged me 21 cents for a honey mustard packet. The jerk manager made me break a $50 bill. So I grabbed all their napkins, carried them into the parking lot and tossed them all into the air in protest and drove off. Down the road, I realized I left my wallet at the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15756

You deserved it

85041

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running the register at my work and this big lady pulls her wad of cash out of her bra and hands it to me. The bills she handed me were moist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82131

You deserved it

3856

Tweet

Share

By thedeerman - United States

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44254

You deserved it

5269

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

59373

You deserved it

7344

Tweet

Share

By jhftrainer23 - United States

Today, the woman I'm training at work asked, while staring intently at the keyboard, "now, which one of these buttons is the space-bar again?" She is 80 years old, types about 1 word per minute, and I have just one week to get her completely trained. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32721

You deserved it

2846

Tweet

Share

By Ilostsomuch - United States

Today, I came home to find that my mother had sold all my valuable collector coins for cheap at a local shady pawn shop to buy herself a TV. The coins in question were worth enough to start a business. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47388

You deserved it

3034

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aberystwyth

Today, after waiting two weeks for an email with my online textbook access code, it still hadn't arrived in time for my quiz tomorrow, so I ended up spending most of my money on the expensive physical copy. Not long after I got back home, the email finally arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47096

You deserved it

5012

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Nyehmaster | 0

#1924475 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:07

-insert shitty situation comment here-

By Kua_Mei | 0

#1924492 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:13

That must have been extremely unpleasant. Eww. FYL, OP.

COMMENTS

By Nyehmaster | 0

#1924475 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:07

-insert shitty situation comment here-

Reply

fakeaccountX | 6

#1924747 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 0:59

I also threw up. In my mouth. From reading this.

Reply

omgwork | 0

#1926211 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 8:49

or sucking my dick?^

Reply

andrewshields20 | 0

#1926306 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 9:14

talk about a shitty day. n I bet u were happier then a pig in shit. til u got home n shit hit the fan.

Reply

dumbestdrummer | 0

#1926984 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:11

captain obvious strikes again!

Reply

megamandude455 | 10

#1928657 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 20:25

68 wins

Reply

soccersgr8 | 6

#2740924 - Thursday 23 June 2011 7:19

well that's a load of shit

By wtfurcrazy | 0

#1924483 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:08

was it warm and squishy :)

Reply

PLAYSTATION33333 | 0

#1924812 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 1:17

did u have a hangover

Reply

blondeandhot | 0

#1925760 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 5:45

I normally have filthy underwear, just not from pooping myself ;).

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#1925952 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 7:00

From... not washing them?

Reply

omgwork | 0

#1926214 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 8:54

only women wash clothes

Reply

DarylAndrew | 2

#3801723 - Thursday 29 December 2011 7:20

I think 57's talking about masturbation or urinating

Reply

LilSideTwerk | 0

#3807867 - Friday 30 December 2011 14:58

uhm why would you tell the world that 52?

By Kua_Mei | 0

#1924492 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:13

That must have been extremely unpleasant. Eww. FYL, OP.

Reply

hudson155 | 0

#1924937 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 1:54

ditto

Reply

rfngxhhshi | 0

#1926046 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 7:36

Almost as gross as everyone in number three's picture!

By Anteezy | 7

#1924503 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:16

Did you pop out a solid one in your underwear?

Reply

That_helped | 4

#1926974 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:10

it could've been Diarrhea.

Reply

mereed | 0

#3272385 - Sunday 11 September 2011 14:11

Or your head stupid

By raya_kz | 7

#1924541 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:19

Hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha

By InnocentLies | 0

#1924548 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:20

FYL, Ick.
I don't think anyone can deserve this.

Reply

jaesm17 | 5

#1924843 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 1:33

I see what you did there.

Reply

footballGOD58 | 0

#1925901 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 6:43

I don't see it.

By daddyslilswimmer | 0

#1924581 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:29

That's nasty

Reply

alig93 | 0

#1925104 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 2:32

because if the panties clog the toilet, it would just add to this fml.

By blasfmer | 0

#1924591 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:31

thats fantastic you struck gold

Reply

carlablob | 0

#2693128 - Thursday 16 June 2011 9:47

why did that comment make me lol

By Cass3m0 | 0

#1924594 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:32

Commando? D: Don't they have replacement clothes?

By iR0ckSkinnys | 3

#1924620 - Monday 3 January 2011 23:38

Wow that really sucks times 100.That's dramatizing on your first day.I wonder what was everyones reaction in the hallway who witnessed it,but don't worry every one pukes and craps;it's only human.

Reply

attatood | 7

#1924726 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 0:52

traumatizing as well :)

Reply

goaliemkl123 | 8

#1925455 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 4:18

you wrote that already