Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated...

By lakb - 13/12/2010 15:27

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11499

You deserved it

25822

Favorite

Health

Instadrama

Great boyfriend

Business savvy

By KittyKat - 3/11/2013 14:22 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

54830

You deserved it

7029

Favorite

By wellgreat - 14/4/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, I was in the Student Union when a man a came up to me and asked if I wanted to be in a study to see how men acted differently when working with attractive women. Flattered and taken aback, I agreed. He then told me I would be part of the control group to see how they act around plain looking women. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59376

You deserved it

6468

Favorite

By ChiefKoala - 27/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Rockwood

Vibrate mode

Today, my stomach growled so loudly in class that my professor told us to make sure our phones were silenced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1773

You deserved it

192

Favorite

By Fuperman - 2/6/2013 23:14 - France - Illange

Today, I went on my first ever assisted skydive. I fainted after we jumped, and only came to as we touched the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49558

You deserved it

6701

Favorite

By Sad Mom - 25/7/2015 02:04 - United States - Wylie

Today, I pulled several socks from under my son's bed. I spent far too long trying to figure out why they were so stiff before I finally realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31708

You deserved it

5420

Favorite

By unlovedandunfucked - 10/12/2014 18:16 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42465

You deserved it

4517

Favorite

By idk ask freud - 4/7/2013 04:11 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50582

You deserved it

9844

Favorite

By LoveSick - 6/2/2019 04:00

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2436

You deserved it

205

Favorite

By Noname - 18/2/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41687

You deserved it

3656

Favorite

By Pastrygirl - 11/7/2016 22:00

Today, while finishing up at work, I started helping a co-worker out with his workload since I'd finished mine. His girlfriend apparently didn't like this and started slamming things around, constantly muttering passive aggressive comments because she wanted to help him. I work with idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12477

You deserved it

873

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/11/2010 23:56 - Canada

Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12113

You deserved it

41934

Favorite

By LiliK - 4/2/2017 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while suffering from a serious migraine. I have to cook dinner and listen to the singing of two very tone deaf individuals. I'm starting to contemplate sticking forks in my ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6201

You deserved it

559

Favorite

By Rob - 7/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4604

You deserved it

345

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/5/2012 22:00 - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, after a little detective work, I found out the money that recently went missing from my college fund was transferred by my mother, to her own account. She claims it's to pay a parking ticket. Maybe I'm just stupid, but I didn't know they fined people over $3,500 for a parking violation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29179

You deserved it

2157

Favorite

By sashimi9999 - 7/2/2014 01:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50129

You deserved it

5858

Favorite

By Parental - 22/1/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28888

You deserved it

5607

Favorite

By give me an F - 5/1/2014 16:16 - United Kingdom - Corby

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45601

You deserved it

37376

Favorite

By belladonna1025 - 11/5/2016 18:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, a customer came up to me with a can of ground black pepper and asked me what the ingredients were. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10171

You deserved it

795

Favorite

By Stressed Mother - 18/3/2015 21:26 - United States - Piscataway

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37865

You deserved it

5935

Favorite

By CircusSea - 5/11/2012 00:02 - Puerto Rico - Carolina

Today, I work on a cruise ship, and I just learned that we have a morgue on board. How did I learn that? It's right next to the crew laundry room, and I opened the wrong door. It was occupied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23893

You deserved it

1892

Favorite

By ugly - 7/4/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76329

You deserved it

19524

Favorite

By seriouslybored - 17/6/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, I spent a full hour working on my British accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10403

You deserved it

40323

Favorite

By in pain and tardy - 11/3/2016 23:00 - United States - Easthampton

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I arrived early so I could check in with the receptionists about this weird communication mixup that's caused me to miss my last two appointments. Despite what my appointment card said, I arrived to find the office closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19768

You deserved it

1311

Favorite

By Cold - 17/12/2012 05:08 - United States - Richmond

Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36295

You deserved it

3788

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/6/2012 17:12 - United States - Salem

Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a poop in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28152

You deserved it

4377

Favorite

By potassiumgirl - 11/4/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11963

You deserved it

38613

Favorite

By someone - 2/9/2009 11:00 - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment were working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40034

You deserved it

3005

Favorite

By miji - 30/10/2018 19:42

Today, for the fifth time in a row, my parents tried to discuss my pooping habits with me at the dinner table. This time, we had guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2777

You deserved it

171

Favorite

By punchedhelper - 20/6/2012 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25104

You deserved it

4056

Favorite

By Cellismasher - 4/11/2009 22:37 - United States

Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38594

You deserved it

18410

Favorite

By Alpha - 17/12/2011 21:18 - Estonia

Today, while I was meditating in my room, I started to hear strange sounds. I was thrilled and thought I was having some sort of profound experience. It turned out my brother had tuned in to South Park out in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10480

You deserved it

31648

Favorite

By lillymean - 3/2/2012 01:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28374

You deserved it

6064

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/8/2019 04:00

Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2013

You deserved it

204

Favorite

By melissa1028 - 18/10/2014 02:23 - United States

Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I never got a response from him, so I gave him a call after a while. His 9-year-old son answered. Apparently he was getting a haircut at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37412

You deserved it

10225

Favorite

By anon - 17/12/2015 18:45

Today, I had to explain to someone in my class who Gandhi really was and that he was not a fictional goblin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22529

You deserved it

1620

Favorite

By 123alleyesonme - 2/11/2012 04:17 - United States - Austin

Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33765

You deserved it

5067

Favorite

By arw - 25/7/2012 06:10 - United States

Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29758

You deserved it

1982

Favorite

By missbutthole - 4/6/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34575

You deserved it

3859

Favorite

By Morgan Bailey - 18/9/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2621

You deserved it

815

Favorite

By nyatzz - 16/11/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, my landlady cut off the Internet to my flat. She says she has no use for it, and doesn't want to keep it anymore. I have 3 online assignments due in the next week, and finals the following week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33129

You deserved it

2900

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By 172pilot | 20

#1838746 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:04

the cleaner had bleach and the cat urine that was in the litter box had ammonia......bleach + ammonia = chlorine gas = u in hospital

By kenshinjapan | 2

#1838719 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:00

YDI for not reading the directions on the bottle. But FYL for being so stupid.

Comments

By kenshinjapan | 2

#1838719 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:00

YDI for not reading the directions on the bottle. But FYL for being so stupid.

Matt_192 | 6

#1839747 - Monday 13 December 2010 20:37

Indeed. The chlorine in Comet with bleach reacts with the ammonia in cat piss to produce chlorine gas... I'm surprised OP didn't see it since it's normally a greenish color

maxx12345678 | 0

#1839820 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:13

actually, thats a common misconception. the sodium hypochlorite in the cleaner reacts with the ammonia in the urine to produce chloramine, NOT chlorine gas. chloramine is still volatile though, and therefore its vapors can still get in the air and are harmful if inhaled. and also, chlorine is pale yellow, NOT green

m_patt | 0

#1841292 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 7:23

owned :)

Matt_192 | 6

#1841500 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 8:35

someone read wikipedia :P
and chlorine is greenish, so I was correct about that at least :P:P

mola_mola | 3

#1845285 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 0:38

the colour depends on perception but i would agree that it was pale yellow

maxx12345678 | 0

#1848041 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 14:46

no wikipedia, I major in chemistry

ohrlysrsly | 0

#1888460 - Saturday 25 December 2010 7:02

Man, I want you to do my AP chem homework for me then.

By xstaticdelta | 6

#1838737 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:03

sucks for you

By 172pilot | 20

#1838746 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:04

the cleaner had bleach and the cat urine that was in the litter box had ammonia......bleach + ammonia = chlorine gas = u in hospital

By theninjathatstea | 0

#1838761 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:05

haven't you ever heard the jingle as a kid?
comet: it makes your mouth turn green
comet: it tastes like listerine
comet: it makes you vomit
so buy some comet, and vomit toooodayy!!

hahaha

By DahkLohd | 4

#1838763 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:06

Well now you know!

CollegeGirl2010 | 0

#1840004 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:18

love your picture ;)

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1840365 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 0:03

Oh my gosh, it's Voldemort! Can I have your autograph? *Hyperventilates*

cmac86 | 23

#1841493 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 8:33

and knowing is half the battle!

emotive_fml | 0

#1865709 - Sunday 19 December 2010 13:00

#6 Kudos on the pic and the name.

We need to get #31 to the ER!! She is hyperventilating. Breath!!!
Maybe it's just OP's mistake with the Comet...

By KaySL | 24

#1838767 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:09

After using fantastic Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub litter pans all day, I like to kick back and relax with a glass of absolutely delicious DocBastard Vintage Cat Piss! :D :D :D :D :D :D

KayCorp: shameless product placement since 1998.