Health: Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated...

By lakb

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

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Health

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Late term

Very fishy

By Wifewithquestions - United States - Clarksville

Mysterious

Today, I found male enhancers hidden in the back of the car, which I'm assuming are my husband's, but we haven't been having sex. FML

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By cait - United States

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

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By Torvaltz - United States - Clinton

Today, during an important meeting, I forgot the name for West Virginia and described it as, "Virginia a bit to the left". FML

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By unemployed - United States - The Colony

Today, the store I work at got shut down and I got let go. Three days ago I got a promotion and a raise. FML

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By ash - United States

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

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By oped01 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML

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By stillembarrassed - United Kingdom

Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML

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By abigiggles

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

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By Clueless - United States

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was turned down for a job as a cashier at Best Buy. I worked like hell to get into and then graduate from one of the top Telecommunication schools in the country. I spent all my time with extracurriculars to help my resume instead of partying like my friends. I can't even be a cashier. FML

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By stuckonrepeat - United Kingdom

Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML

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By Iahim

The truth

Today, I tried to prank my girlfriend. I said, “I saw you kissing another guy!” She apologized. FML

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By SplitMind95 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I was on Tinder and only one girl matched with me. She gave me a "Super-Like" so I thought she must want to get to know each other and see what happens. Nope. She recognized me as the guy who adopted the stray cat she was taking care of last year, and just wanted to know how he was doing. FML

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By spandex - United States

Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

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By A.K. - United States

Today, I was driving on the highway and a cop had his radar gun out. The woman in front of me panics and slams her brakes on, causing me to rear end her. The cop cited me for "tailgating" and I have to pay for the damages on both of our cars. FML

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By Deety

Today, my psychologist broke up with me, professionally. It's alright though, she told me it's her, not me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got dragged along to a family dinner. Some idiot invited my douchebag vegan uncle, who spent half the night making condescending remarks and lecturing us on how disgusting it was to have steak on offer at the table. A fistfight eventually erupted, and the cops were called. FML

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By accidentalslut - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

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By Rakayla - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after finally asking my crush for his number, and telling him the reason being he's the only friend whose number I don't have, he laughed, then asked, "Why would I ever be your friend?" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

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By LanaStidolph

Today, I bought shampoos and household chemicals and was heading home on my bike when it started to rain. I felt a weird burning sensation down my back so I stopped and got off the bike. My backpack and jeans were covered in foam. FML

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By Syd - United States - Plano

Today, I looked at my neighbor's empty lawn; he's an old guy and he usually has the best Christmas lights. We knew he might not be able to do them this year, so I felt bad and I did them for him. Later, a neighbor asked about them and I told her that I helped out. She said, "You do know he died, right?" FML

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By lonely - United States

Today, I posted an event to have a get together with friends. Most of them put "not attending". I hadn't even set the date. FML

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By P057M4N - 1/10/2020 04:02 - United States - Raleigh

One law for me…

Today, my co-worker called out for the sixth time in 2 weeks with no reason, while my manager was out until noon. It was just the three of us in my department. He’s had 0 repercussions and has been doing this for months. They threatened to fire me for taking 5 minutes in the bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Manhattan Beach

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

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By shiftybizniss - Canada

Today, I tried to sneak up on my girlfriend who was sitting in her car with one of her girlfriends. I snuck up to the driver's side window and tried to startle her by banging on the window. The window was down. My thumb went right in her eye. She has to wear a patch for 2 weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

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By nirvana_mama157 - United States

Today, my husband asked me, "Why do you love me?" I spent the next five minutes spilling my heart and soul out to him. After I'd asked the same question, he looked me straight in the eye and said, "I don't." FML

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By OhDamn - United Kingdom

Today, there was a knock at my door, and I was greeted by a punch to the face. The man was the extremely angry "fiancé" of the girl I've been married to for just over a year. FML

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By datingfail - Australia - Northcote

Today, I went on a date with a guy who told me his main aim in life is to live alone in an isolated lighthouse. FML

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By cartrouble - United States

Today, my car broke down. My boyfriend, who is not too handy, insisted on fixing it. He called me outside and said he was done and started the engine. Moments after rejoicing, it burst into flames. FML

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By LonelyInLA - United States

Today, I was watching TV when the Jim Beam commercial came on with the hot girl saying how she likes her men fat and hairy. My mom walked in and said, "See honey, you still have a chance." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Boca Raton

Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to unsee that. FML

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By jobless - United States - Fort Collins

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

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33569

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By Annoyed - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she bought the same perfume that my boyfriend got me for Christmas last year. He loves that perfume. Now, whenever he smells me, he's going to think of his mom. FML

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By missunlucky - Czech Republic

Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed in my face. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

You're back!

Today, I heard that one of our customers had passed away. Saddened, I told everyone who came into our shop about his death. Understandably, some customers got very upset and one even fainted. Suddenly, the "dead" man walked into the shop. Turns out I got the name wrong. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I accidentally sent highly confidential patient records to a fired employee. This employee made the biggest song and dance about it, calling every boss possible. I couldn't have sent it to a better person. FML

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Top comments

By 172pilot | 20

#1838746 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:04

the cleaner had bleach and the cat urine that was in the litter box had ammonia......bleach + ammonia = chlorine gas = u in hospital

By kenshinjapan | 2

#1838719 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:00

YDI for not reading the directions on the bottle. But FYL for being so stupid.

COMMENTS

By kenshinjapan | 2

#1838719 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:00

YDI for not reading the directions on the bottle. But FYL for being so stupid.

Matt_192 | 6

#1839747 - Monday 13 December 2010 20:37

Indeed. The chlorine in Comet with bleach reacts with the ammonia in cat piss to produce chlorine gas... I'm surprised OP didn't see it since it's normally a greenish color

maxx12345678 | 0

#1839820 - Monday 13 December 2010 21:13

actually, thats a common misconception. the sodium hypochlorite in the cleaner reacts with the ammonia in the urine to produce chloramine, NOT chlorine gas. chloramine is still volatile though, and therefore its vapors can still get in the air and are harmful if inhaled. and also, chlorine is pale yellow, NOT green

m_patt | 0

#1841292 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 7:23

owned :)

Matt_192 | 6

#1841500 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 8:35

someone read wikipedia :P
and chlorine is greenish, so I was correct about that at least :P:P

mola_mola | 3

#1845285 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 0:38

the colour depends on perception but i would agree that it was pale yellow

maxx12345678 | 0

#1848041 - Wednesday 15 December 2010 14:46

no wikipedia, I major in chemistry

ohrlysrsly | 0

#1888460 - Saturday 25 December 2010 7:02

Man, I want you to do my AP chem homework for me then.

By xstaticdelta | 6

#1838737 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:03

sucks for you

By 172pilot | 20

#1838746 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:04

the cleaner had bleach and the cat urine that was in the litter box had ammonia......bleach + ammonia = chlorine gas = u in hospital

By theninjathatstea | 0

#1838761 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:05

haven't you ever heard the jingle as a kid?
comet: it makes your mouth turn green
comet: it tastes like listerine
comet: it makes you vomit
so buy some comet, and vomit toooodayy!!

hahaha

By DahkLohd | 4

#1838763 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:06

Well now you know!

CollegeGirl2010 | 0

#1840004 - Monday 13 December 2010 22:18

love your picture ;)

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1840365 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 0:03

Oh my gosh, it's Voldemort! Can I have your autograph? *Hyperventilates*

cmac86 | 23

#1841493 - Tuesday 14 December 2010 8:33

and knowing is half the battle!

emotive_fml | 0

#1865709 - Sunday 19 December 2010 13:00

#6 Kudos on the pic and the name.

We need to get #31 to the ER!! She is hyperventilating. Breath!!!
Maybe it's just OP's mistake with the Comet...

By KaySL | 24

#1838767 - Monday 13 December 2010 19:09

After using fantastic Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub litter pans all day, I like to kick back and relax with a glass of absolutely delicious DocBastard Vintage Cat Piss! :D :D :D :D :D :D

KayCorp: shameless product placement since 1998.