Animals: Today, I made my first ever chocolate fudge, which turned out...

By Nylo - 29/01/2018 01:30

Today, I made my first ever chocolate fudge, which turned out really nice. I had a bite and left it on the counter with plastic wrap covering, only to come back later to find my sister's cat pissing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 119

You deserved it 531

Animals

Empathy lives

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Mama's boy

Just a prank, dad

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 17:01

Today, my son got drunk and managed to colour in my bald patch with permanent marker while I was asleep. It’s super noticeable and I look like a complete prat. Plus in a few hours, I’m supposed to be on my first date since my divorce 12 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 145

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 20:11 - Sweden

Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 568

You deserved it 13 780

By idiot - 28/07/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 820

You deserved it 126 013

By breathexali - 24/07/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 044

You deserved it 29 100

By Wtf - 10/07/2013 05:24 - United States - Miamisburg

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 995

You deserved it 4 185

By Wronged - 21/09/2009 10:53 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 452

You deserved it 3 559

By sickened - 21/09/2014 18:23 - United Kingdom - Gateshead

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 784

You deserved it 8 286

By Person - 11/11/2016 02:04

Today, my cousin invited me to an event that would be on Saturday night. The first thing I did after she texted me, was ask my mom if I could go. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 399

You deserved it 2 207

By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 05:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my 9 year old shitblossom of a sister decided to wake me up by hocking a loogie into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 675

You deserved it 1 829

By Sgt_Jackrum - 05/02/2016 10:27 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 211

You deserved it 2 366

By torkx3 - 21/07/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, a resident went missing at our nursing home. When I found him, a man in a blue shirt and red pants, he started yelling at me in confusion. I just thought it was his alzheimers. When I brought him to my administrator, I was told the missing resident was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 727

You deserved it 40 110

By Smart - 16/09/2011 14:42 - United States

Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 540

You deserved it 3 117

By Anonymous - 10/07/2016 16:33

Today, two people came up to me at school, asking if I'd sell them some of my Adderall. I only just transferred here and have never mentioned my ADHD or the Adderall I take for it to anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 386

You deserved it 922

Branded

By Anonymous - 20/10/2021 07:00 - United States - Eau Claire

Today, I was talking to a friend on the phone, asking him pick me up for a cookout while his kids were yelling in the background, asking where my friend, their dad, was going. He jokingly answered them, "To pick up my ugly friend." They quickly replied with my name, out of the dozens of friends he hangs out more with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 96

Hmmm, twins

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 10:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 580

You deserved it 4 121

By future teacher - 09/07/2015 06:21 - Paraguay - Fernando De La Mora

Today, I was observing a children's class as a part of a training program. The teacher asked me to take one kid to the nurse's office because she wasn't feeling well. As soon as we step outside, I slip and fall down, taking the little girl with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 195

You deserved it 2 937

By bluewatersify - 18/01/2010 14:23 - Australia

Today, I got a letter in the mail, my mother has applied for a reduction in her child support payments for my brother and I. She's paid $10 child support in 16 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 138

You deserved it 2 212

By yif2 - 16/05/2015 11:47 - United States

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 013

You deserved it 5 670

By Fattymuch - 14/09/2011 14:27 - India

Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 940

You deserved it 51 902

A Lose-Lose Situation

By you can't win - 10/07/2017 21:00

Today, after months of being called paranoid, distrusting and over-possessive by my girlfriend for being suspicious of her, I learned that she really is cheating on me with her coworker. When confronted, she called me ignorant, gullible and naive for believing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 377

You deserved it 408

By Shodan2112 - 18/02/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, as I go to a small private Christian college, the academic dean came up to me and asked me to put some old records on CD, since I have a record player that can do that. I had to listen to eight records of old students from the 1970's singing bible thumper Christian hippie music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 980

You deserved it 9 612

By bbns - 14/01/2009 11:57 - Germany

Today, I organized a party, invited a girl I've been secretly in love with for years, as well as a friend of mine who brought along an unknown mate of his. The party was fine, although the unknown mate threw up all over the floor. Now, the girl is dating that unknown mate and is in love with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 292

You deserved it 2 733

By allwaysbuggedinheaven - 07/07/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 317

You deserved it 3 671

By Djcc - 21/02/2012 18:03 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were watching TV, I asked him if he loved me. He turned up the volume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 920

You deserved it 7 081

By Renzy - 12/12/2012 18:32

Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 331

You deserved it 7 556

By Erbtosis - 13/05/2016 02:40 - United States - Seattle

Today, my five year-old had to break the news to me that my husband was leaving me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 140

You deserved it 1 377

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 825

You deserved it 65 323

By Rachael - 30/11/2012 07:29 - Australia

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 053

You deserved it 1 860

By perfectmoment - 10/10/2009 22:22 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 104

You deserved it 21 223

By lonelyguy - 28/11/2009 03:02 - Puerto Rico

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 761

You deserved it 8 030

By bcoper - 20/02/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 324

You deserved it 3 251

By ...... - 16/05/2012 22:29 - United States

Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 440

You deserved it 32 123

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, while sleeping, my foot was stabbed by something in my bed and I woke up to it bleeding. I looked around for the cause and found nothing. Now I'm afraid to go to sleep because it might happen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 872

You deserved it 2 762

By unemployed - 10/03/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155 609

You deserved it 7 442

By Username - 27/01/2011 03:54

Today, the guy who sits next to me in my psychology class openly admitted to torturing animals as a child. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 358

You deserved it 2 840

By gdog10122 - 12/01/2013 09:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 138

You deserved it 2 660

By insomniacap - 30/12/2014 23:47 - United States - Stratford

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 537

You deserved it 4 948

By Anonymous - 02/10/2014 04:47 - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 898

You deserved it 35 600

By XoxoChula - 22/03/2013 05:41 - United States

Today, my dad came out of jail. He showed me his tattoo of a bible on his chest with all his 13 kids' names on it. I'm the only one whose name is spelled wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 946

You deserved it 3 066

By lovely - 19/12/2011 06:43 - Netherlands

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 430

You deserved it 4 564

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Top comments

jbuckets_404 38

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Monday 22 January 2018 11:09

I really dislike how cats walk on countertops, etc. esp. just after using the litter box (per litter granules on their paws).... Yuck!

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 29 January 2018 4:19

If the fudge was still edible, that would be a great endorsement for the plastic wrap! I’m not sure they’d want to run that ad during the dinner hour!

jbuckets_404 38

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Monday 22 January 2018 11:09

I really dislike how cats walk on countertops, etc. esp. just after using the litter box (per litter granules on their paws).... Yuck!

hellphone_fml 37

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Monday 29 January 2018 2:11

I love making my own chocolate fudge, it's pretty easy to make, but fyl for the ruined fudge

Rhett_15 21

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Monday 29 January 2018 2:12

I make my own chocolate fudge every morning.

GoogieWithers 22

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Monday 29 January 2018 2:15

Did you know that cats have an advanced sense of smell? They can tell if something is off way before a person. Maybe the cat thought it was helping? But FYL for the cat pissing on the counter.

acmariner99 25

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Monday 29 January 2018 2:41

That stinks ... no it really does.

ffc Squall 14

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Monday 29 January 2018 4:01

Someone doesn't like chocolate.

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 29 January 2018 4:19

If the fudge was still edible, that would be a great endorsement for the plastic wrap! I’m not sure they’d want to run that ad during the dinner hour!

bidet 8

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Monday 29 January 2018 4:25

wrap the cat in plastic wrap

_ali__cat_ 14

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Monday 29 January 2018 4:49

sounds likes something my cat would do. this morning she hopped on the bed, stop and stared into my eyes and peed on my bed I just washed yesterday. We also cleaned her litter box yesterday.

jfsiv 17

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Monday 29 January 2018 20:04

you might want to take your cat to the vet. it probably has a urinary tract infection. they will start pissing everywhere because it hurts to pee in the litter box so they start looking for a place to go where it doesn't hurt.

honestjane 22

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Wednesday 31 January 2018 1:34

I thought the same thing. But if they don't seem uncomfortable while urinating, don't bother. I paid a huge vet bill once just so they could tell me that nothing's wrong, my cat is just an asshole.