Miscellaneous: Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot... - FML

By smarterthanmymum - 26/05/2011 09:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 192

You deserved it 2 971

Mama's boy

Midlife crisis

Do me a solid

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 23:27 - United States

Today, I realized that even though I was an honor student throughout school, and considered the golden child who was going to go far in life, all I've accomplished a year after graduation is becoming an unemployed single mother still living with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 431

You deserved it 31 668

Mommy's bravest little boy

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 months asked me to park in a parallel street from where he lives when dropping him off. Why? Because his mom might see me. He's 32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 296

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 16:40 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 558

You deserved it 4 683

By sweetsixteen - 22/06/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find several of my friends there for a surprise sweet sixteen party my mom was throwing for me. Everything was going great until the doorbell rang and a clown walked in. My mom hired a clown for my sweet sixteen. My friends took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 530

You deserved it 5 821

By karmafails - 01/05/2012 16:17 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I was at the supermarket when I saw an elderly lady slip on a wet patch of floor. I ran over to help, and I almost fell too before steadying myself. Then some pimply cockmunch of a teen decided to kick my legs out from under me and walk away while laughing his balls off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 197

You deserved it 2 348

By Yup - 13/06/2010 07:48 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 091

You deserved it 3 544

By dammit - 09/06/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 410

You deserved it 3 092

By Anonymous - 17/02/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 177

You deserved it 2 587

By urinetrouble - 04/05/2017 06:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while checking the men's bathroom at work, I noticed one of the air fresheners had fallen from the top of the paper towel holder into the garbage. It wasn't until I picked it up and examined it that I realized I was actually holding used urinal fresheners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 376

You deserved it 1 552

By DarkMaskDiva - 16/06/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, I found out the medications my doctor gave me for depression are making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 065

You deserved it 6 098

By astalkerindeed - 16/05/2013 04:31 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 407

You deserved it 6 437

By ouch - 20/02/2010 00:37 - United States

Today, the roads were OK, so I cleaned the ice and snow off my car so I could go out. I rolled my window down a little bit while I was driving to clear the snow off the base of the window. A chunk of ice flew off my hood, in through the window, and hit my eye. I then hit a snowbank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 127

You deserved it 5 591

By Earthboundb - 23/03/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I just got back from a Civil War Reenactment in Virginia, my first big event in years. I spent over $200 on gas and food, and had to drive for over 10 hours both ways from Massachusetts. When I finally got there I realized, I had left my uniform at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 152

You deserved it 61 447

By Anonymous - 02/02/2011 07:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed that I got a £60 parking ticket so rang my friend to rant about it. I then got pulled over by the cops for using my phone, and was fined £120. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 525

You deserved it 70 866

By skichick54 - 24/08/2011 05:28 - United States

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 235

You deserved it 3 716

By jjjjjjmmmmm92 - 20/07/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I was at work, when a co-worker began to shake a near empty box. Without thinking, I shouted "What if there was a baby in there? You just killed it!" I then remembered she recently suffered a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 849

You deserved it 76 848

Understandable.

By Anonymous - 28/05/2018 15:00

Today, I found out that the dream in which I drunkenly phoned my boss and called him a "fat useless piece of shit" actually did happen. I woke up to 10 missed calls and 5 angry texts stating I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 3 116

By Anonymous - 15/09/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, I found out that the reason I hadn't gotten pregnant yet was because my husband had a vasectomy after the birth of his son. He even had the nerve to continously tell me, "it'll happen soon, baby" and let me believe we were trying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 363

You deserved it 3 944

By drugdealersgf - 02/12/2016 06:55

Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 064

You deserved it 1 108

By Anonymous - 11/05/2011 17:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 484

You deserved it 17 207

By HadToApologize - 03/11/2009 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took a shower at my girlfriend's apartment. I was wandering around, gathering my clothes when I noticed my girl doing her hair in the other room. She looked sort of peculiar, so I stood there, studying her. Half naked. I then realized it wasn't my girlfriend, but her roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 316

You deserved it 22 889

By Flarewolf - 04/06/2011 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 026

You deserved it 46 459

Sorry Mr Whiskers

By Brody89 - 09/04/2014 18:40 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 887

You deserved it 37 667

By Albert - 20/09/2012 06:10 - United States

Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 932

You deserved it 3 970

School's out for summer, thank God!

By reluctant teacher - 15/06/2019 19:41 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I had 15 teenagers literally laugh in my face when I asked them to be quiet. I'm a student teaching in a high school, which is the culmination of 2 years of my life and $20,000, and I might in fact actually hate doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 673

You deserved it 280

By popemichael - 19/06/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, I was showing my unique new tattoo to my friends when a man approaches me with his digital camera and asks if he could take a picture of the tattoo for his website. I agreed. I find out later that it's a site about ugly tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 023

You deserved it 44 616

By Anonymous - 28/06/2015 15:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 219

You deserved it 1 852

By Angie - 12/09/2015 21:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and filmed it, because it would "be a big hit on YouTube." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 144

You deserved it 1 965

By Mrs. Man - 02/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 877

You deserved it 7 609

By estranger - 03/01/2014 22:36 - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 032

You deserved it 3 709

By 081013 - 02/03/2013 07:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, I came home to find my fiancé trying to do laundry. His version was "rubbing the smelly spots with baby powder". Looks like I'll be the only one doing laundry for the rest of our lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 346

You deserved it 4 480

Mind control

By yeah uh huh - 23/11/2021 04:58 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my now ex genuinely thought I’d buy the idea that he hasn’t answered a call or text in five days because he thought the "government" was "tracking" him. When I refused to buy his excuse, he raged that I was a "trained sheep." He was actually shacked up with his married coworker at the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 72

By TheFatOne - 31/08/2014 19:27 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 839

You deserved it 5 537

By unforgettablee - 29/04/2013 07:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 627

You deserved it 13 003

By Evelyn - 19/03/2012 20:18 - United States

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 446

You deserved it 7 869

By Anonymous - 07/10/2015 16:46 - United States

Today, the AC broke in the kitchen of the restaurant I work at. Temperatures reached over 100 degrees and one of my coworkers nearly passed out. Our boss accused us of being "dramatic" and only let us step out after I collapsed. I need this job too badly to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 954

You deserved it 1 705

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 14:22 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a friend who I hadn't seen in a while offered to give me a ride. I didn't really know how to give directions to my house, so when we had been driving for a while and it was getting awkward, I just pointed at a random house and pretended to live there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 639

You deserved it 39 257

By fuckmeitsgettingworse - 24/02/2014 19:36 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 392

You deserved it 4 626

By Husband to be....maybe - 09/06/2018 09:00

Today, I found out I was allergic to bees, the hard way, at my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 352

You deserved it 217

By Roma-Jay - 22/07/2012 14:13 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 655

You deserved it 48 303

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Top comments

JustinThunder 8

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Thursday 26 May 2011 15:57

Make her learn the hard way.

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:01

That's her mistake. She is probably one of those people that puts evertything in the microwave. "oh, I see a laptop, let's microwave that!"

Comments

JustinThunder 8

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Thursday 26 May 2011 15:57

Make her learn the hard way.

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:06

Or you can put sticky notes all over the microwave of things that "should not enter". We have to help old people :)

sexysterlingarch 1

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:10

haha good idea ^^

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:21

for your sake, I hope the apple falls from the tree...

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:21

for your sake, I hope the apple falls from the tree...

khaya 9

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:34

Maybe you should childproof the house.

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:57

27, try YouTube...

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Thursday 26 May 2011 17:39

No she's not old she's just an IDIOT

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Thursday 26 May 2011 18:53

Fortunately for you, the U.K. has free appliance repair for life.

RainbowHeadache 2

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Thursday 26 May 2011 19:15

I just don't understand why someone would keep metal cutlery in the microwave instead of taking it out. It can't be laziness since it only takes a second to take it out of the bowl or cup. Who wants to have to deal with a spoon that's so hot it can cause 2nd degree burns?

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Friday 27 May 2011 1:30

and god dammit I would do it again ..... oh wait

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Friday 27 May 2011 2:54

tell her to put it in for five minutes. back up and tell her to watch it. come back in five minutes ready to clean up the remains

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Sunday 10 July 2011 16:27

haha that happened to me my mom told me not to put anything metal in the microwave, but I did anyways... the ice-cream was too hard to scoop so I wanted to make the scooper hotter.. I took it out when it started to spark

mylifesucksserio 15

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Thursday 26 May 2011 15:59

zaaaaapppp

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:06

And where was your mom to teach you that when you were little

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:38

I always put metal spoons in there. Nothing has happened... yet?

geeksaresexy 18

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Thursday 26 May 2011 17:41

as long as it's not really pointed like a fork it should be ok so spoons are all right..

ColorfulDonut 7

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:01

I can see your mum is on the clever side

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Thursday 26 May 2011 18:05

I lol'ed

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Thursday 26 May 2011 22:22

I thought everyone knew that you cannot put any metal substance in the microwave

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:01

That's her mistake. She is probably one of those people that puts evertything in the microwave. "oh, I see a laptop, let's microwave that!"

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Thursday 26 May 2011 17:55

I put styrofoam in the microwave apparently thats a no no

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Thursday 26 May 2011 18:14

is it a good idea to microwave this on YouTube :P

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Thursday 26 May 2011 23:17

liiiike.

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Thursday 10 January 2013 1:37

You know, I used to be one of those people. Then I discovered YouTube, and "is it a good idea to microwave this?" started on that site. Damn, that was a good show.

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:03

As long as it's HER microwave, not yours....

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:03

that's what you get for being born to a dumbass.

maxschagerstrom 0

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:19

"to" ?

bentleysdad11611 0

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:25

True but not nice lol

Kn0wledge123 21

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:34

Wait...what?

toastyjustice 5

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Friday 27 May 2011 6:05

CANT COMPUTE, CAN'T COMPUTE, CAN'T-*brain fizzles*

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:03

If you actually knew why, then you'd know that it's fine as long as the utensils aren't close to the walls. The energy required to arc is inversely proportional to the distance between conducting objects.

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Thursday 26 May 2011 17:01

True, though if it's a fork, or has raised patterning, it can arc off various points on the utensil.

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Thursday 26 May 2011 23:24

Actually, it's directly, not inversely, proportional. It takes less energy to arc the closer the conductors are.

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Friday 27 May 2011 14:59

Touche, Jack. My old physics teacher would have been most disappointed in that error.

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:04

physics failure

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:05

Is it safe to microwave this?

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Thursday 26 May 2011 16:15

Put a cd in and show her what happens.

kaylanicole1255 1

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Thursday 26 May 2011 18:12

I need to try that!!! And OP, maybe your mom just doesnt like being told what to do. I put alunuim (sp) foil in the microwave cause it said not too. Sometimes you just have to rebel!

Feklfekl2222 32

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Thursday 26 May 2011 18:30

I hope you mean aliminium (not aluminium I'm British)

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Thursday 26 May 2011 23:29

I didn't understand that lol!!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 11

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 167

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 94