Work: Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have.... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 72

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 38

12/01/2016 13:24

Today, at work, a drunk demanded a salad dressing we don't have. He marched into my kitchen and demanded I make it for him. When I said we didn't have the ingredients, he pushed the microwave over and stormed out. My boss came in and wrote me up for being "pushy and rude to customers". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 216

You deserved it 1 457

Taking stock

Mama's boy

Walk on the wild side

Death wish

By nima - 23/02/2021 02:01

Today, my parents went on vacation and told me that it is "absolutely imperative" that I do the dishes while they are gone. Instead, the sink decided to break and nothing will fix it, so I'm currently writing out my will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 96

12/01/2012 20:16

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend's Marine dad walked in on us fooling around naked. Now we can only hang out with "parental supervision". Oh, and I have to record my visits on a clipboard by the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 722

You deserved it 39 979

Last splash

By alexarbusto - 06/05/2020 02:00

Today, my phone fell in my cat's water bowl overnight. I'm currently writing this from my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 354

12/08/2013 04:49

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 246

You deserved it 6 532

Teddy is always there for you

By Lunar-Spice - 16/12/2020 04:54

Today, and for the past month, I'm so lonely that I fall asleep holding my teddy bear's paw for comfort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 73

02/01/2015 03:18

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 761

You deserved it 6 888

Earthquake sneezer

By Noname - 27/01/2009 00:02

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 679

You deserved it 2 801

05/05/2009 06:26

Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 214

You deserved it 63 148

26/05/2011 21:26

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 406

You deserved it 20 889

30/10/2011 23:36

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 489

You deserved it 46 602

27/11/2010 01:03

Spicy

Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out of the hotel bathroom and sat in a chair less than two feet away from the bed. She made idle conversation with us for the next 15 minutes. My fiancé was still inside me the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 717

You deserved it 8 102

13/05/2010 06:01

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 649

You deserved it 4 815

11/01/2016 09:12

Today, my roommate invited a couple of homeless gentlemen in to our house. After drinking all our beer, throwing up on our carpet, and repeatedly asking if we were planning on killing them, I asked them to leave. My roommate told them they're welcome back anytime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 050

You deserved it 2 028

08/11/2009 04:46

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 951

You deserved it 2 486

30/05/2014 21:04

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 409

You deserved it 6 793

20/10/2016 15:19

Today, my parents finally took me driving after months of me having my permit. I got yelled at for asking questions. I only needed to know which way they wanted me to turn on the next street after they told me to turn, but not which way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 999

You deserved it 713

11/02/2011 07:04

Today, my mom took away my medication. She's afraid I'll get "hooked". The medication is anti-anxiety pills. I have horrible anxiety attacks that sometimes cause me to scratch my arms until they bleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 104

You deserved it 4 494

05/07/2014 17:53

Spicy

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 730

You deserved it 7 871

17/09/2012 04:47

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 311

You deserved it 46 845

10/03/2015 18:43

Today, after years of providing daily various home-made colourful meals for three kids and a husband, I was asked to "cook something cool, like instant hamburgers, not that lame healthy shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 059

You deserved it 4 992

10/03/2009 18:52

Spicy

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 345

You deserved it 92 057

03/09/2014 02:41

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 729

You deserved it 14 710

30/07/2018 19:00

Today, my math teacher decided to give everyone in the class candy. He skipped me, and when another student pointed it out, his response was "I don’t like her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 484

You deserved it 358

18/06/2013 10:44

Today, I went to the gynecologist. In the waiting room they had decorative words that spelled out "Relax" and "Enjoy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 995

You deserved it 4 064

11/10/2012 14:30

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 188

You deserved it 10 117

28/10/2011 13:30

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 256

You deserved it 12 954

Small town blues

By Alyxandrea Loffer - 25/05/2020 23:00

Today, our town is so bored that the most entertainment we got was on the local buy and sell trade page, where someone posted that they got someone else's package in the mail, and everyone in town spent 6 hours trying to guess what was in the box. It was actually the highlight of most of our day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 175

14/12/2013 06:38

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 018

You deserved it 11 365

18/08/2011 08:45

Today, I got accepted into University onto a course I don't want to do, but my parents said they would disown me if I didn't go. I believe them: they haven't spoken to my shop assistant sister in about three years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 630

You deserved it 2 974

06/04/2009 04:39

Today, I jokingly went over to a an attractive female co-worker and said "you look like you need a hug". She told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to be touched. No more than 30 seconds after our encounter she ran to give one of our more attractive male co-workers a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 255

You deserved it 11 141

22/01/2011 13:00

Spicy

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 611

You deserved it 5 122

29/01/2012 00:10

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 446

You deserved it 3 515

30/10/2016 06:35

Today, a customer asked for my manager's number, my bosses number, corporate's number and filled out a complaint form, all because we kindly asked him not to sit his kid on the counter due to safety concerns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 273

You deserved it 606

22/06/2009 09:03

Spicy

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 320

You deserved it 5 450

08/06/2015 00:53

Today, I found out that my husband really thinks onion rings are seafood. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 511

You deserved it 2 503

11/07/2012 18:26

Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 602

You deserved it 32 729

13/08/2012 18:48

Spicy

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 936

You deserved it 5 186

24/11/2010 13:18

Today, my cute co-worker asked if he could use my computer. I told him my password and went to the bathroom. When I came back he said he'd finished. I tried to log in, but my password wouldn't work. I then noticed a post-it note on the desk saying, "Stop stalking me and I'll change the password back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 953

You deserved it 40 992

10/02/2009 04:54

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 917

You deserved it 56 110

14/08/2013 20:28

Today, I fell asleep on the beach while tanning. I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from my stomach. Why was bread on my stomach? Because my little brother knows birds are my biggest fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 579

You deserved it 6 002

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:41

Whoever said the customer is always right was a moron

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:47

If he was that out of it you could have probably just made or given him a random dressing and he wouldn't have noticed

Comments

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:41

Whoever said the customer is always right was a moron

SkylineFTW97 25

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:45

Also a tad bit sadistic. That's why working with people in general is an FML.

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 19:44

horrible bosses 3, starring your boss

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 19:48

the customer is only right till your out of eye and ear shot.

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 20:45

This happened to my aunt last year on her birthday, only it was the other way around. She was the drunk and she stormed into the kitchen demanding a certain type of steak sauce. When they told her they were out, she started to make her own..

LostInTheZone11 28

Tuesday 12 January 2016 21:03

That's why I like one of the signs I see at Jimmy John's. The customer is usually right.

SkylineFTW97 25

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 22:27

More like the customer is usually an idiot. But, I guess that's not very marketable.

oiler 21

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 23:07

i guess he wasnt asking for the white creamy stuff...

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 16:16

Either a moron, or never worked in retail.

cheesyfeet2001 31

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:43

Sounds like a recipe for disaster :p

Oyas12 14

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 21:52

I see what you did there!

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:43

You should have told him that you weren't the one doing the pushing

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:47

If he was that out of it you could have probably just made or given him a random dressing and he wouldn't have noticed

sturschaedel 27

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 19:41

Yeah, or mix two premade dressings to approximately match the color of the one he wants. He probably ruined his taste buds for the night already.

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Wednesday 13 January 2016 5:32

Or called the cops

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:50

Your boss is a dick

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:52

Lmao who gets drunk and decides to eat a salad? It just doesn't seem right

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:54

If it's any consolation, just imagine that man was extremely disoriented and thought he was requesting you mix up an antidote to the lethal poison he mistakenly ingested before being interrupted and assaulted by a rectangular metal beast.

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 19:40

she must possess a great imagination to jump to that conclusion. although admittedly, that's probably what happened.

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:54

Your boss should be mad at whoever didn't cut him off.

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:54

Aren't there cameras at your workplace, to help you prove your point?

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Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:56

Nope. Time to find a new job. No one should have to be disrespected that way