Miscellaneous: Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided... - FML

By forgotmyownbirthday - United States

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

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The smell detective is on the case

On the ball

Our House

By purplexangel - United States - Lubbock

Today, I tried to stand by my toaster and train myself to not jump when it popped up. Not only did I jump, I also knocked the toaster off the counter and onto my toes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

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By lizownsvirgy - United States

Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML

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By grossedout - Reserved

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9 inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

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By jentea - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML

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By Alaska - United States

Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

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By creepedasfuck - United States - Limington

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

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By missseloit3

Today, I met a nice guy who wanted to chat. I didn't want to be the bitchy type and throw him the "I have a boyfriend" line right away, so I conversed with him. When he asked was I single I, of course, said no. He yelled at me and made a huge scene about me leading him on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a completely random boner at a coffee shop, five seconds before two attractive women asked me to stand up and take their picture. FML

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By fu2then - Canada

Today, I ran into my manipulative ex-boyfriend at a party. We were chatting and I mentioned that the guys I have been seeing lately all turn out to be jerks. He says "yeah well you dumped me and don't deserve to be happy." Apparently he has been creeping and scaring off any guys interested in me. FML

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By thatstinks - Iceland

Today, I finally found out what the weird sour smell that's been in my dorm room for a while is. My roommate's sweat. FML

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By Life of the party - France

Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML

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By Milked Richard - Australia - Wagga Wagga

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Guayanilla

Today, I had a serious talk with my boyfriend about our relationship troubles. He stopped me in the middle of a sentence with a huge fart. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

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By Cyrah - United States

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

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By InTheDoghouse23 - United States

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML

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By SmittyJA24 - United States - Lewiston

Today, my idiot sister had to have her aged dog put down, then she posts on MY Facebook page, "RIP, Buddy, we'll miss you." My adult children and most of my friends thought I died. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 23:03

Thanks for the heads up

Today, a person who I've been talking to for months told me they were in a relationship with someone else. I work with this person and see them almost everyday. To top it off, they told me this over text. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, my boyfriend informed me of how I had really hurt his feelings. Apparently, not wanting to be sent a photo of his poop is hurtful. FML

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By Anonim23

Today, I finally decided to go talk to my upstairs neighbour about the loud banging noises he makes every single morning around 8 a.m. It worked. Now he starts at 7 a.m. FML

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By bshoemaker45601 - United States - Circleville

Today, I got a job at a casino where I was actually planning on spending my 21st birthday next month. After they hired me, they told me no employees are allowed to play or gamble on or off the clock, for as long as they are employed there, or termination will immediately follow. FML

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By bthms - France

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/3/2021 17:01 - United States - Little River

Overdoing it

Today, two months after beginning a steamy text exchange with the man I’ve been in love with for 13 years, he told me that now when he thinks of me he feels "warm and fuzzy." In a panic, I responded sarcastically, “Primarily in the dick, right?” That shut everything down real quick. FML

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By Alex - United States

Today, I had to run a mile in gym class for fitness training. If it takes longer than 10 minutes to run the stretch, you have to re-take it. My time was 10:02. FML

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By u raised him

Today, my 17-year-old son attempted to rob the bank I work at while I was off shift. FML

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By EosHelios - United States - Halethorpe

Today, I finally had one of my preschool students observed by the county for aggressive behavior intervention. Of course, he only started hitting my assistant and other students after the observer left. FML

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By JoanT - 20/10/2020 11:08

Hangry

Today, while petting one of the goats we have, the other one was jealous so it ripped out a chunk of my hair. FML

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By MereLewis95 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

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By oops - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

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By Joey - United States - Tampa

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat". I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML

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By joeheathen - United States

Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was accused of stealing when I dropped a $20 bill in front of my boss. His logic: I'm too poor to have a $20 bill and there's no way it was a tip, since our customers are "so stingy". It was a tip and it was going to get me through the rest of the month. He won't give it back. FML

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By Matthew - United States - Largo

Today, after working at my summer job for 3 weeks, I was informed that I was too young to work there. I had contacted them 3 months prior and had given them my birthdate multiple times. I had also attended a special training in their corporate HQ, which I drove 7 hours both ways to get to. FML

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By hannaholic - United States

Today, I went on an excellent first date. After the 'end of the date kiss' came, "I suppose this is where I tell you that I'm married." FML

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By WTF - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that the girl I've been talking to online and sending certain pictures to is actually my ex's new boyfriend. He ended up telling me he'd just wanted to see how he compared to me down below because my ex refused to go into detail about it. FML

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Top comments

By Phusion | 0

#691200 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:05

you're an idiot

By twixbarlover | 0

#691208 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:08

What an idiot...."are you smarter than a 6 yr old?" nope....

COMMENTS

By Phusion | 0

#691200 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:05

you're an idiot

Reply

ahimsa7 | 0

#691205 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:07

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Reply

LadyLieDie | 1

#691207 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:07

This is basically all that needs to be said.

Reply

Kingdutch | 3

#691212 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:10

'nuff said

Reply

_Noon_ | 0

#691218 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:11

Totally agreed :)

Reply

cxal_fml | 0

#691371 - Friday 27 November 2009 21:47

How do you suddenly forget that your birthday is NOT the day after a major holiday?

Reply

greenltrn2003 | 0

#691782 - Saturday 28 November 2009 2:21

^exactly. OP your niece is awesome

Reply

ActionManly | 11

#691801 - Saturday 28 November 2009 2:32

Exactly!

Reply

youreanidiot | 0

#691980 - Saturday 28 November 2009 4:42

hey Fusion, I copyrighted that phrase (for this reason :-P)

WOW biggest ydi I've ever clicked

Reply

michaelscot23 | 0

#951341 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 0:00

retard...

Reply

munchly | 17

#972602 - Thursday 1 April 2010 15:30

meh this isn't that bad. I've woken up thinking it was a day later then it was.

at least your family didn't forget about your birthday :D

Reply

lawleit | 0

#1022337 - Monday 7 June 2010 5:30

same thing happened to me except I was a month early xD

By twixbarlover | 0

#691208 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:08

What an idiot...."are you smarter than a 6 yr old?" nope....

Reply

DaniPandi | 22

#3602475 - Friday 18 November 2011 18:48

Note: When calling someone an idiot, make sure to include hs when needed.

By Itasan | 0

#691209 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:08

Lmao. How could you forget?

By lostfaithinpppl | 19

#691217 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:11

Talk about being an attention whore! YDI

Reply

simoneie123 | 0

#692828 - Saturday 28 November 2009 18:10

exactly what i was thinking.

Reply

sparklesxD | 0

#1213506 - Monday 9 August 2010 20:05

#7-how is she an attention whore? she was pissed off because she didn't get any birthday wishes from her family so she called them.

By Sierra365 | 0

#691221 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:11

haha good job. We have the same birthday btw... thats kinda cool..... happy early birthday lol

Reply

IDeSeRVeDIT_Web | 0

#691440 - Friday 27 November 2009 22:23

Happy Birthday to you miss.

_________________________________
www.ideservedit.tk

By Ellodie_fml | 0

#691222 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:12

a 6 years old knows more about yourself than you do. scary

Reply

EmreArslan | 11

#4201362 - Thursday 22 March 2012 20:05

Are u stupid? Its her niece that isnt scary. Maybe that in ur family u guys are strangers to each other doesnt mean her family is the same

By FYL_YDI_B | 0

#691223 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:12

LOOOOOL...How do you forget when your own birthday is? EPIC fail, YDI.

Reply

patticake1601 | 0

#691431 - Friday 27 November 2009 22:19

Read the FML properly dumbasses...she didn't forget her birthday, she got the days confused !!

Reply

did_it_4_lulz | 0

#692075 - Saturday 28 November 2009 5:36

It's just as bad.

Reply

drano | 0

#694093 - Sunday 29 November 2009 7:42

Valid point #35, but read her name. 'forgotmyownbirthday'

Reply

CookieMonstr19 | 0

#3014468 - Monday 1 August 2011 13:53

Why are you saying LOOOOOL?!?!

By CallMeHush | 0

#691224 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:13

One the bright side you now have a whole year to figure out how to operate a calender before your next birthday.

By nick1585 | 0

#691244 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:25

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

By a192837465 | 0

#691246 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:26

TEAM EDWARD

Reply

SandiRainbowFish | 20

#4470512 - Wednesday 23 May 2012 3:17

Team Bella Should've Been Run Over By The Fucking Bus!!!

Reply

trivel64 | 16

#4548445 - Sunday 10 June 2012 16:45

I'm on Team Tyler. He's the guy who almost ran Bella over with his van.