Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided... - FML

By forgotmyownbirthday - 27/11/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, I got no happy birthday wishes from anyone. I decided to call my sister to see if she'd remembered. My 6-year-old niece answered, so I told her it was my birthday. She said that it's tomorrow. After ten minutes of arguing with a 6-year-old, I checked the calendar. It's tomorrow. FML

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Instadrama

Don't give up

Fairytale ending

By logansowow - 25/8/2016 00:37

Today, I found out that my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. With her ex. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2018 12:00 - United States

Today, I got fired because I abruptly hung up on my boss while being pulled over for talking in a hands free zone. I also got a $300 fine. FML

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By use your brain mother - 16/6/2015 05:47 - United States - Springville

Today, I told my mom I was going hiking with a couple of friends and wouldn't be back for 4 or more hours. Not even 2 hours later, she called the cops and reported us as missing. She didn't realize that we wouldn't have service up the canyon so we could call her back. FML

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By EliseV - 3/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML

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By douchegamer - 3/3/2013 03:38 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, after an argument with my pianist girlfriend about how bad my favourite song would sound on the piano, she stormed out of the room crying, leaving behind a CD. It was the piano version of the song she'd made for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2014 22:39 - United States - Whittier

Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

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By anonymous - 5/1/2011 04:17 - United States

Today, I was talking to a really cute guy. He leaned closer and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he leaned back, laughed and said, "Wow. You're growing a mustache." FML

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By Wmsys32pr9 - 30/3/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

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By Clumsy76 - 20/4/2018 15:00

Today, I moved into a new downstairs flat. I promptly fell down said stairs. I have a broken pelvis now and can't walk or go down steps for 3 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2016 15:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, let's just say it's not a good sign when your plumber yells "What the fuck?!" That is, unless you actually like your kitchen being swamped by sewage. FML

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By kierstin - 19/10/2009 15:54 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because he has anger issues. Tonight, my tires were slashed. FML

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By littl3storm - 24/4/2020 23:00

Time for the ER

Today, my brace broke and due to Covid-19, I can't get it fixed for another month and a half. Four brackets have come off, the wire is sinking into my gum, giving me tooth and jaw pain. I can't eat and I'm spending excessive amounts of money on pain relief. The cause of all this? A cheese pasty. FML

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By firedupasshole - 27/7/2020 05:01

Make your mind up

Today, while taking to-go orders at my restaurant, a customer called saying he wanted his food well done. He even said, “Burn it to a crisp.” Which is what I told the kitchen. When he came to pick it up, he opened his food, inspected it and screamed, “Not this burned, you damn retard!” and threw it at me. FML

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl - 14/12/2018 09:30 - United States - University Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only staying with me because I’m getting him a signed poster for Christmas. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2012 02:36 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year old boss's new breast implants. FML

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By whatever - 9/8/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I went out with my ex-boyfriend on a date. The night consisted of me sitting in the back seat of his friend's truck while they drove around to pick up things for the party they were going to have that same night. After they picked everything up, he asked where I wanted to get dropped off. FML

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By soontobedivorced - 19/4/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

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By cock blocked - 22/4/2015 15:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML

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By hannamacintosh - 25/7/2016 14:13 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

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By sadman - 7/5/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, it's my three month anniversary with my girlfriend and so I decided to bake her a cake from scratch. It took me three hours, a call to my mom, three different recipe books, and half my pantry. On the way to her house, I stopped to pick up flowers and left the cake in the car. It melted. FML

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By Rick - 22/5/2012 11:02 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

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By anonymous - 4/4/2013 22:52 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML

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By unsatisfied - 9/3/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

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By Jennie - 16/6/2020 08:08

Scribble your name across my heart…

Today, I sent a guy in my English class a rose. He's kind of an outcast, so I though it would be a nice gesture. I asked him later how his day was going and he said, "Good. I got a rose this morning, but I could tell it was from a guy. The handwriting was awful." FML

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By inappropes - 29/10/2017 01:30

Today, at almost 26 years old, my beard is finally coming in. Too bad it, like the hair on my head, is 50% grey already. FML

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By considering murder - 25/3/2016 17:19 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I finally put the finishing touches on a huge project after 8 months of gruelling work. My boss had used the promise of a 5-figure bonus to motivate me. When I casually brought the bonus up later in the day, my boss just said "Gratitude's its own reward, Mike." FML

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By Blue_Heart - 5/9/2015 18:47 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I decided to bike to work. I normally forget the key to my lock, so I leave it out back and hope that nobody takes it, and nobody does. I finally remembered my lock key so I chained it up. After my 7 hour shift, I walk to the back only to find the lock had been cut, and my bike was gone. FML

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By dac5 - 12/4/2020 05:00

Lowered expectations

Today, I was told that couldn’t become assistant manager of my job anymore. I already told my family I was going to be one, and they'd all said how proud of me they were. FML

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By noname - 7/1/2009 11:43 - France

Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML

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By oceangirl - 8/2/2012 00:14 - United States

Today, I texted my flatmate to ask him when he would be paying his portion of the rent, since he has told me he would be late this month. He wrote back to inform me that he had moved out last night while I was away, and that he won't be paying me anything. FML

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By gabess - 4/1/2009 01:59 - France

Today, to amuse my girlfriend I put on her sexy nightshirt and go out on the balcony for a smoke, wriggling about in front of her window. She laughs until one of her neighbors shouts "HELLO!" from the upper floor, grinning at the show. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2011 04:26 - New Zealand

Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2016 07:39 - Australia - Balwyn North

Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML

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By Guntherdog - 27/6/2013 15:17 - United States

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a "vacation." Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

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By back to cock-hunting - 15/11/2014 19:58 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

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By janie - 30/1/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I was sexiled. So that my roommate and the boy who I confessed my love to two days before could hook up. FML

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By WTF - 1/6/2013 04:03 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that the girl I've been talking to online and sending certain pictures to is actually my ex's new boyfriend. He ended up telling me he'd just wanted to see how he compared to me down below because my ex refused to go into detail about it. FML

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Top comments

By Phusion | 0

#691200 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:05

you're an idiot

By twixbarlover | 0

#691208 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:08

What an idiot...."are you smarter than a 6 yr old?" nope....

COMMENTS

By Phusion | 0

#691200 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:05

you're an idiot

Reply

ahimsa7 | 0

#691205 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:07

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Reply

LadyLieDie | 1

#691207 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:07

This is basically all that needs to be said.

Reply

Kingdutch | 3

#691212 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:10

'nuff said

Reply

_Noon_ | 0

#691218 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:11

Totally agreed :)

Reply

cxal_fml | 0

#691371 - Friday 27 November 2009 21:47

How do you suddenly forget that your birthday is NOT the day after a major holiday?

Reply

greenltrn2003 | 0

#691782 - Saturday 28 November 2009 2:21

^exactly. OP your niece is awesome

Reply

ActionManly | 11

#691801 - Saturday 28 November 2009 2:32

Exactly!

Reply

youreanidiot | 0

#691980 - Saturday 28 November 2009 4:42

hey Fusion, I copyrighted that phrase (for this reason :-P)

WOW biggest ydi I've ever clicked

Reply

michaelscot23 | 0

#951341 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 0:00

retard...

Reply

munchly | 17

#972602 - Thursday 1 April 2010 15:30

meh this isn't that bad. I've woken up thinking it was a day later then it was.

at least your family didn't forget about your birthday :D

Reply

lawleit | 0

#1022337 - Monday 7 June 2010 5:30

same thing happened to me except I was a month early xD

By twixbarlover | 0

#691208 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:08

What an idiot...."are you smarter than a 6 yr old?" nope....

Reply

DaniPandi | 22

#3602475 - Friday 18 November 2011 18:48

Note: When calling someone an idiot, make sure to include hs when needed.

By Itasan | 0

#691209 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:08

Lmao. How could you forget?

By lostfaithinpppl | 19

#691217 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:11

Talk about being an attention whore! YDI

Reply

simoneie123 | 0

#692828 - Saturday 28 November 2009 18:10

exactly what i was thinking.

Reply

sparklesxD | 0

#1213506 - Monday 9 August 2010 20:05

#7-how is she an attention whore? she was pissed off because she didn't get any birthday wishes from her family so she called them.

By Sierra365 | 0

#691221 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:11

haha good job. We have the same birthday btw... thats kinda cool..... happy early birthday lol

Reply

IDeSeRVeDIT_Web | 0

#691440 - Friday 27 November 2009 22:23

Happy Birthday to you miss.

_________________________________
www.ideservedit.tk

By Ellodie_fml | 0

#691222 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:12

a 6 years old knows more about yourself than you do. scary

Reply

EmreArslan | 11

#4201362 - Thursday 22 March 2012 20:05

Are u stupid? Its her niece that isnt scary. Maybe that in ur family u guys are strangers to each other doesnt mean her family is the same

By FYL_YDI_B | 0

#691223 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:12

LOOOOOL...How do you forget when your own birthday is? EPIC fail, YDI.

Reply

patticake1601 | 0

#691431 - Friday 27 November 2009 22:19

Read the FML properly dumbasses...she didn't forget her birthday, she got the days confused !!

Reply

did_it_4_lulz | 0

#692075 - Saturday 28 November 2009 5:36

It's just as bad.

Reply

drano | 0

#694093 - Sunday 29 November 2009 7:42

Valid point #35, but read her name. 'forgotmyownbirthday'

Reply

CookieMonstr19 | 0

#3014468 - Monday 1 August 2011 13:53

Why are you saying LOOOOOL?!?!

By CallMeHush | 0

#691224 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:13

One the bright side you now have a whole year to figure out how to operate a calender before your next birthday.

By nick1585 | 0

#691244 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:25

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

By a192837465 | 0

#691246 - Friday 27 November 2009 20:26

TEAM EDWARD

Reply

SandiRainbowFish | 20

#4470512 - Wednesday 23 May 2012 3:17

Team Bella Should've Been Run Over By The Fucking Bus!!!

Reply

trivel64 | 16

#4548445 - Sunday 10 June 2012 16:45

I'm on Team Tyler. He's the guy who almost ran Bella over with his van.