Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce... - FML

By moe - 27/5/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I found out what getting slapped in the face with lettuce feels like. FML

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Understandable

Out of it

My body, my choice

By smellymcgee - 25/6/2016 17:21 - United States - Farmington

Today, I came home to the vilest stench I've ever smelled. I had to open a floor vent and scoop up the turd that was inside. Funnily enough, today was the day my scumbag roommate moved out, but I'm sure he had absolutely nothing to do with it. FML

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By fartypants - 18/6/2015 22:53 - United States - Winter Park

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, I had botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2012 21:19 - Virgin Islands British

Today, I saw a picture of my creepy uncle and me on Facebook, which he had captioned "me and my woman," and posted several lewd comments on. I guess he forgot I'm his friend on Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2012 06:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, it was my wedding day. When my soon-to-be-husband was saying his vows, he didn't say my name. He said his mother's. FML

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By fmyboss - 13/10/2019 07:00

People never learn

Today, I was made fun of at work by my mom and my supervisor. I work at a kids' anti-bullying camp. FML

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By Sleuth - 2/9/2018 13:00

Today, I found out why my professor accused me of not handing in an important essay before the due date. Apparently she spilled coffee all over it and didn't dare to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2010 09:15 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

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By Derek Lee - 22/5/2011 13:53 - United States

Today, I sold my Xbox 360 on Craigslist. I met the dude at the mall. I gave him my Xbox and a handshake for buying. I left without the money. FML

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By Brit - 23/1/2010 06:34 - United States

Today, I made a Facebook under a guy's name and I'm sending myself wall posts just so it looks like I actually talk to a guy. FML

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By AddictiveAddicted - 29/6/2015 02:02 - United States - Denver

Today, I found an unfamiliar ring in my purse. Thinking it was fake, I gave it to a little girl. Thanks to my mother, I later found out that the ring was my grandmother's and it was made of gold and had a real ruby. My mother added that my grandmother trusted me to keep it in our family. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 11:14 - Netherlands

Today, I was jogging, and I saw a little boy walking. Crying and all alone. Thinking that he was probably lost, I asked to him with my sweetest voice: 'Hi there, did you lose somebody?' He screamed terrified and ran away. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

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By romoangel - 21/4/2020 05:00

Full of it

Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML

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By LilShawty2000 - 24/2/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I went to chill with my best guy friend and his girlfriend, whom I recently met after I moved to the area. After a few beers, my buddy leaned over and tried to make out with me. I quickly backed up and shockingly looked over at his girlfriend to expect the same reaction. She winked. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2010 01:57 - United States

Today, after lunch with my frail, disabled, 87-year-old father, I reached into my purse for lipstick. I didn't recognize the cute cylinder I pulled out, but thinking it was a flashlight, I pressed the little button, spraying my dad and myself in the face with pepper spray. FML

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By so_screwed - 25/9/2013 06:59 - United States - Salinas

Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML

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By fffmmll - 21/3/2011 16:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML

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By RaveCharlie - 18/4/2013 22:47 - United States

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend twice. Apparently the first time she thought I was kidding. FML

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By No O-face - 18/1/2011 03:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML

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By sucksssssss - 28/1/2010 20:12 - France

Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML

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By Emily - 3/8/2010 23:54 - United States

Today, my best friend who I've known since high school is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past 7 months. FML

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By nerderer - 5/6/2015 02:17 - United States - Duluth

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

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By shield1123 - 29/9/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML

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By Awkward - 1/12/2012 22:11 - Bahrain

Today, while lighting a cigarette, I learned the hard way that the amount of styling mousse I used to get my curly hair to become manageable, is the roughly same amount that causes it to become highly flammable. FML

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By How? - 29/9/2018 10:30 - United States - Glasford

Today, a bird crashed into my face. I didn't think that actually happened to people outside of cartoons. FML

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By NotASquirrel - 12/3/2016 05:29 - United States - Bronx

Today, I was using the urinal at work when an old guy started using the one next to mine. All of a sudden, he used that Ghostbusters' line, "Cross the streams!", and tried to pee into my urinal. I had to wait 4 hours in pee-drenched shoes until my shift was over. FML

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By mastermind - 22/8/2018 23:30

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

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By Lindsay - 7/2/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML

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By UniStudi - 23/12/2018 14:00

Today I sent a message out to a support group to get and give support following a sexual assault, the person who responded and was giving advice was the person who assaulted me. FML

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By boredatwork - 29/1/2010 15:33 - Canada

Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss' office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML

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By notakeeper - 3/1/2014 03:50 - United States - Orlando

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

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By GrossedOutKary - 19/5/2010 19:20 - Puerto Rico

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

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By pooped - 12/4/2020 23:00

Not all heroes…

Today, at work, the only toilet in the building was so clogged that it was overflowing. We didn't have a plunger, so basically the only way to stop it was to try and reach in and remove the blockage. I was nominated to do it. FML

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By LordAdam - 14/6/2009 13:16 - Australia

Today, I accidentally left my concession card in the photocopier. I then got fined for not having a concession card on the train. I was photocopying it for a letter to get out of a fine for not having a concession card. FML

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By foreverashamed - 4/11/2011 06:57 - Canada

Today, my father decided that since I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend, he would buy me a book on how to talk to girls. The book is written by a 9-year-old kid. FML

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By hdgyfjdzdfg - 16/4/2012 06:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML

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By PapaW - 1/11/2013 07:01 - United States - Lehi

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

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By Nochnoii - 7/10/2009 20:07 - Belgium

Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2012 23:15 - United States - Providence

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2012 05:39 - Australia - Cambridge

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

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Top comments

By HannahForbesxo | 13

#2573611 - Friday 27 May 2011 14:29

It's a shame OP didn't lettuce know how it actually feels.

By habest | 2

#2573174 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:11

Well at least the person doing the slapping was thinking healthy. ;)

COMMENTS

By ballinpro23 | 3

#2573120 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:01

first!!

By shadow33456 | 1

#2573122 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:01

that's the first time I've heard that

By xxscarsoflifexx | 0

#2573128 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:02

Um wow...Why did you get slapped in the face?!?!?

Reply

jennifer93 | 0

#2573290 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:43

Ok if this was "today I found out what getting slapped in the face by my father feels like" THEN it would be an FML, but lettuce?

Reply

WTSchool | 0

#2573502 - Friday 27 May 2011 13:45

Wow, your life must be ruined now, OP.

Reply

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2573583 - Friday 27 May 2011 14:21

Comment Moderated.

Reply

HannahForbesxo | 13

#2573611 - Friday 27 May 2011 14:29

It's a shame OP didn't lettuce know how it actually feels.

Reply

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2573629 - Friday 27 May 2011 14:38

Aww my comment got removed XD

Reply

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#2573712 - Friday 27 May 2011 15:06

Lettuce put our heads together and think about what it feeks like.

Reply

kyleinsane | 0

#2574071 - Friday 27 May 2011 17:08

funny shot

Reply

TheJester12 | 15

#2575144 - Friday 27 May 2011 22:08

there are worse things you could have been slapped with, like an iron rod labled " no one gives a shit". I question why this is a fml

Reply

JawneeG | 0

#2577266 - Saturday 28 May 2011 5:44

lettuce see what we have here... it seems it is a.... C-c-C-Combo Breaker!

Reply

imnotonaboat | 0

#2584524 - Sunday 29 May 2011 22:20

Lettuce know how it feels.

Reply

SuperAnthony | 7

#2591939 - Tuesday 31 May 2011 6:18

Hey, you're fault for not drinking a V8!

Reply

MwahFMLS | 6

#3036660 - Thursday 4 August 2011 10:55

LOL #37. I laughed out loud.

By ThatFatGuyBehind | 3

#2573139 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:04

Atleast I was just lettuce and not something rubber or wet

Reply

rockyraccoon28 | 8

#2574073 - Friday 27 May 2011 17:09

it could've been wet, you never know

Reply

dgr8ing | 0

#2574208 - Friday 27 May 2011 18:35

it could've been rubber too

Reply

alisa162 | 0

#2576737 - Saturday 28 May 2011 3:46

It could've been wet, and rubber :) haha I just had to say it.

Reply

randomguy1millon_fml | 0

#2598929 - Wednesday 1 June 2011 9:21

dude I was mayo slaped

Reply

T9FTW | 20

#5099685 - Wednesday 31 October 2012 4:19

I was slapped with shampoo

Reply

madgrinchhatter | 12

#5326709 - Wednesday 16 January 2013 14:49

In the bottle? Or did someone just slap you while they had shampoo in their hand?

Reply

dreamweaver1227 | 11

#6052184 - Saturday 30 August 2014 7:40

smack cam prank?

By daybowbow | 0

#2573143 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:05

Haven't we all?

Reply

Bakayarou_fml | 0

#2573294 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:44

Wow that cat looks like it should have been in The Godfather!

But anyway, next up, sausages! (plural)

Reply

fluffyzoe64 | 0

#2573558 - Friday 27 May 2011 14:10

At least it wasn't a banana peel, and at least you didn't get slapped in the eye.

Reply

coltsluvr123 | 2

#2576687 - Saturday 28 May 2011 3:30

lol not exactly all of us

Reply

Gknd | 0

#2580014 - Saturday 28 May 2011 19:42

try a whole cabbage then we'll talk....

By habest | 2

#2573174 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:11

Well at least the person doing the slapping was thinking healthy. ;)

Reply

honeylol | 0

#2573423 - Friday 27 May 2011 13:16

 this actually made me laugh pretty hard 

Reply

meowmeowgirl | 0

#2575460 - Friday 27 May 2011 23:44

Could've had a V8! :)

By CateXOX | 0

#2573176 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:11

We really need more context here...

By luvppl | 6

#2573181 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:12

lettuce? lol that's strange... :)

By jennifer93 | 0

#2573196 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:15

okay...you shouldve at least told us why and by who

Reply

habest | 2

#2573223 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:22

I can picture it, his/her trainer catching them eating junk food when they should be eating healthy and must now suffer the punishment of being slapped using a vegetable of the trainer's choice. To OP's despair, it was their arch enemy... lettuce... Dun dun duuunnn

Reply

itsmeyippie | 0

#2573366 - Friday 27 May 2011 13:01

lol^

Reply

mabusoden | 0

#2574105 - Friday 27 May 2011 17:32

12-win!

Reply

melliemoo17 | 6

#2575142 - Friday 27 May 2011 22:07

Omg ur epic and I can't stop laughing!

By LardZilla | 11

#2573207 - Friday 27 May 2011 12:19

I don't really see an FML here... Well at least not with the given information.