Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML
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Today, my mom was in a really bad mood, so I stayed in my room to avoid her. It didn't take long before she barged in and started bitching about my dog, who'd pissed her off by acting too happy. Yes, she's actually that insane, and I have to deal with it on a daily basis. FML
Today, my mom came over for dinner. She lost her mind, screaming and yelling, because my oven melted the dollar store cooking dish that she insisted on using. Never mind the fact I’m going to have to pay a couple hundred, if not a thousand dollars for a new stove. Oh no, she’s out a whole buck. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, my mom wants me to get an exorcism because piercings, tattoos, my own car, my own career, moving out of her house, and wanting zero contact with her from now on are "sure signs of demonic possession", maybe even the influence of Lucifer himself. FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML
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Top comments
badgrandpa 9
pretend to fall asleep and then act like you got possessed
eternal_malaise 10
Give her a list of your favorite baked foods that are known to repel demons.
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Comments (105)
rinoa_fml 10
Your mother needs psychiatric help. If you are old enough to post on here you are old enough to search online for ways to get help for the mentally ill.
buttcramp 21
I totally agree! even if you talked to your school counselor about it , OP.. that's still a step in the right direction.
cryssycakesx3 22
"so about my mom... yeah, she thinks the oven is possessed."
merrrrrgen 7
Break out the salt and holy water. Draw a devil's trap. Recite the exorcism (the one that we all have memorized.) If all else fails, call the Winchesters, curl up in fetal position, and sing "Carry On My Wayward Son" until they get there.
cryssycakesx3 22
who has an exorcism memorized..
fadingaway 17
Every Supernatural fan.
SherlockWHolmes 12
Or perhaps some of us go all Sammy Winchester.. you know.. knockin' them out without a word.
cryssycakesx3 22
hm. what's Supernatural?
Rababco 29
Sounds like someone forgot to take her meds this morning!
buttcramp 21
get your mom some help?
buttcramp 21
while I agree the mom seems like she cares enough about OP to remove herself and OP from the house.. I still think the mom needs help from a counselor or therapist.
cmbar831 14
She'll be laughing when your over becomes a serial killer
fuggotmuggot 14
YOU NEVER KNOOOW.
an3ph 20
You'll be free of her soon enough, and you can have a normal life.
cryssycakesx3 22
"free of her"... it's her mom, not some burden. instead of being "free of her" maybe she should do as the others have said and help her, not count down the days until her 18h birthday.
dinocween44 10
The YDIs are at 666... The irony is beautiful
bekkles 3
Maybe instead of making fun of your mother, you should see about getting her some help.