Covid, Conspiracy theorist and Coronavirus: Whackjobs 'R Us

Whackjobs 'R Us

By Anonymous - 01/11/2020 11:01 - Slovakia - Senec

Today, I realised that 3/4 of my family are prone to believe conspiracies and are anti-Covid freaks. I want to keep our relationships, but every discussion ends in an argument about some conspiracy they believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 154

Covid Conspiracy theorist Coronavirus

Good kid

Sweet, my ass

Friend's best friend

By Urinal Fresh - 02/03/2012 10:19 - Australia

Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 122

You deserved it 4 356

By Username - 23/03/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 837

You deserved it 11 749

Dumbass

By Ihatepol - 16/10/2021 08:03

Today, a lady asked for a refund for a taco kit because inside the box was just tortillas, seasoning and sauce. When I pointed out the text in small letters that she had to provide her own ingredients, she told my manager I disrespected her by making her feel stupid. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 59

By indianaxx - 30/01/2010 17:21 - France

Today, my dad came out of a hotel bathroom with nothing but a wash-cloth over his crotch and said "look! this place has cotton loin clothes" in front of my wedding party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 865

You deserved it 2 437

Birthday Girl

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I got just three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office, to sing me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412 511

You deserved it 21 708

Locked out

By blank - 21/01/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 480

You deserved it 6 367

By anon mom - 12/05/2016 00:06 - United States - Manassas

Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to 'break it up' with a gloved finger, and then he sent me home with directions on how to administer an enema. I do not recommend trying to give an enema to a kid that doesn't want one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 664

You deserved it 953

By raquel - 17/07/2015 16:40 - United States

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 062

You deserved it 10 126

Bye bye

By Dan - 17/11/2020 22:58

Today, I fell asleep at work. I got woke up by my boss with a coffee and a referral letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 960

Geyser Söze

By Anonymous - 08/09/2020 14:01

Today, I found out why my B&B host looked so pissed this morning. I remember having too much red wine and puking out the window last night. Turns out the lampshade underneath the window spread my puke all over the freshly painted wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 1 831

Unhygienic or he's a natural hunter-gatherer

By Anonymous - 03/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found my missing wedding band inside my 2-year old's pull up. It was accompanied by two coins, a Hot Wheels car, a pebble, and a dead bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 265

Family man

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 20:02 - Canada - Minden

Today, my fiancé told me that his work is more important than our family. We have 2 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 147

Small talk fail

By notapervert - 28/02/2013 07:57 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 954

You deserved it 39 534

By Hi-Tech - 03/03/2015 15:34 - Europe

Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 378

You deserved it 2 732

By Anonymous - 19/12/2018 13:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had a meeting with HR that resulted in me being dismissed for poor performance. I was confused because up until that point, my line manager had said my performance was exemplary. Turns out it wasn't, and he didn't tell me because he didn't want me to be stressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 714

You deserved it 323

By Larentiah - 26/02/2012 22:18 - United States

Today, I realized how bad my feelings of inadequacy compared to other women and jealousy are when I started thumbing down songs on Pandora simply because the cover art had a better looking woman than me on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 645

You deserved it 31 439

By hopefulanonymous - 20/11/2009 16:01 - United States

Today, I dropped off a box for my sister at her job. In a rush, I unknowingly parked in a reserved spot. When I got back to my car, I saw that my car was being towed. After successfully flirting myself out of an expensive towing bill, I backed into the pole behind me, leaving a noticeable dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 114

You deserved it 34 976

By Why Me - 12/08/2015 13:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 326

You deserved it 2 858

By a816090 - 27/05/2019 18:09

Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted longer than 5 minutes, and I didn't punch out for it as a "paid break." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 129

By kutekittykatz - 10/07/2013 08:58 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 202

You deserved it 14 561

By Sardine - 18/12/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. These kids started to fight and scream at each other. I leaned next to her and said, "Man am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 432

You deserved it 32 895

By JLoRd - 01/02/2009 14:40 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I'd let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, "Just Friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 779

You deserved it 4 012

By fatandsad - 03/01/2012 14:57 - United States

Today, I bought a $450 elliptical machine to get in shape of the new year. After 5 hours of putting it together, I realized that all the ceilings in every room of my apartment are too low for me to use it without hitting my head. I can't return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 024

You deserved it 9 953

By Anon - 11/12/2014 18:13 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 591

You deserved it 8 141

By pain - 01/11/2011 14:52 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that you should never use medical tape to secure gauze over a razor cut on your scrotum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 146

You deserved it 39 785

By Anonymous - 10/02/2017 13:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my wedding ring came off in a Walmart bathroom and fell into the toilet. It was an automatic toilet. It flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 791

You deserved it 819

Systemic

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 04:00

Today my 98-year-old grandad has Alzheimer’s and seems to think I’m his senior officer from his first years as a police officer. Apparently a lot of illegal shit went on in those days, when cops were bigger crooks than the actual criminals were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 70

By explodingpupppet - 30/09/2009 16:41 - United States

Today, after a month of searching, I found a perfect apartment which I rented out for the next few months. The rent was inexpensive and the place was close to my job. Turns out, my 'perfect' new apartment overlooks a nudist community. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 521

You deserved it 36 854

By nick - 18/05/2012 07:22 - United States

Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 991

You deserved it 2 605

It's called fashion Susan, look it up

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 23:01

Today, I thought it'd be funny to give my younger brother a wedgie. I found the thong I thought I'd lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 393

By 5minsolder - 08/02/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 302

You deserved it 3 608

By JoshuaRob - 03/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 129

You deserved it 8 001

By NoBikesForYou - 26/09/2013 22:56 - Israel - Ramla

Today, I was showing my 6-year-old son how easy and safe it is to ride a bike. I didn't notice a pebble, bust up my leg and my son is now terrified of bicycles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 014

You deserved it 6 118

By stopinthenameoflove - 19/06/2014 14:37 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 002

You deserved it 15 386

By TheStroker - 01/06/2019 06:03

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 333

By took it - 09/02/2014 14:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 696

You deserved it 8 309

By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 19:12

Today, my sister gave me a early Christmas present. It's lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 493

You deserved it 493

After sleepover

By carriageway - 31/01/2020 01:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday. It was great, but after sleeping on their pull out couch, I woke up with six pimples on my face and a rash on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 11/04/2017 20:00

Today, my apartment was robbed. The police report said my apartment was ransacked. No it wasn't, that's how looks everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 892

You deserved it 2 324

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 19:35

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 456

You deserved it 4 007

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 1 November 2020 17:39

I'm anti-COVID because I don't want to get the disease. Does that make me crazy?

akvan 12

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Monday 2 November 2020 2:28

I just found out that one of my aunts is anti covid vaccine because she heard the vaccine will make them stop believing in god. Like... What?!

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 1 November 2020 17:39

I'm anti-COVID because I don't want to get the disease. Does that make me crazy?

raven_of_azarath 34

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Sunday 1 November 2020 19:49

No, but being anti-covid because “it’s just a China flu” would.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Monday 2 November 2020 1:33

Some relationships aren't worth the hassle, even if they are family.

akvan 12

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Monday 2 November 2020 2:28

I just found out that one of my aunts is anti covid vaccine because she heard the vaccine will make them stop believing in god. Like... What?!

lev 11

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Monday 2 November 2020 7:57

is there a vaccine that causes people to stop believing in conspiracies? also I'm genuinely curious. who makes up these rumors and why?

commentor2020 2

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Monday 2 November 2020 23:22

I'm not anti vaccines but I am anti vaccine for a virus they literally know nothing about and it keeps changing.

Fata Morgana 1029 9

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Tuesday 3 November 2020 7:47

I feel you, man. I'm dealing with the same thing. I don't get it. Half the conspiracies even contradict each other!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 6

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 1 670

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 185