Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, at a funeral family gathering, I greeted an elderly relative and kissed her palm (it's a family thing). She then took my palm and brought it near her lips, then dropped it and went on her way. I didn't even wanna do that in the first place. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML
Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML
Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML
Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML
Today, I've been so accustomed to kissing my girlfriend that when I gave my best bud a hug, I kissed him on the neck. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML
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Top comments
randomchickkk 0
you lock lips with your family?
DudeBTM 8
So you "locked lips" with family before?
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Comments (147)
mattstive 0
If no one wants to kiss you I imagine they'll probably decline first aid.
holagranola 15
better that than nothing right ?(;
N3v43h 0
If it were followed up with... "I'm 39"... then it would be FYL.
Truth_Nazi 0
That's the same case for me, but it ain't bad, I don't care about that shit.
LexiHardcore 1
incest,smh.
Lc7926 15
Whoop dee doo. I did that in seventh grade. Your point is...?
SwimjettSarett 2
when you read this you get the vibe of intimacy until you read you kiss your family and then you laugh because u get intimate with your family and dummy's??? I think u need to get more attractive!
ritak1992 0
awee
SouthernPride95 19
ok the incest thing is compleately stereotyped BS
sheethapins 13
As a resident of TN, I speak for all of us except for two towns by saying: Gtfo op. Must be from Pulaski. Have fun contributing to your family stump.