Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of...

By BooBabe - 4/6/2012 23:50 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

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Intimacy

No one likes a smart-ass

Weird kid

Tidy your room

By Dor51 - 27/10/2013 19:52 - United States - Tacoma

Today, we found out that my unborn sibling is a girl, and my parents quickly named her. In a few years' time, "Candida" is going to catch all kinds of shit at school, just like I do for being named Dorothy. My "friends" have already started calling me "lil' yeast infection's sis". FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2013 10:51 - Australia

Today, I registered on an irritable bowel support group, unknowingly linking it to my Facebook wall. FML

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By Mylifesucks - 23/5/2013 05:11 - United States - Lexington

Today, I was stuck in my apartment complex's elevator. I was shouting out for help when a voice came screaming, "This is the fire department." I was relieved until he said, "Just kidding." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2013 07:01 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

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By Kate - 29/4/2012 15:22 - United States - Concord

Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I asked my mom if she thought I was straight. She looked at me and said "Well, that's really up to you honey. But your father and I would still love you." I was asking if she thought I had parked straight. FML

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By BilletsDoudous - 15/1/2015 06:51 - France

Today, I'm a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting guy of about 30 gets on board with two huge bags. Worried, I keep an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 04:06 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for a busted tail light. The officer gave me a warning and told me to fix it. Ten minutes later I was pulled over again for the same busted tail light by the same cop. This time he wrote me a ticket. FML

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By ocdeane - 1/10/2019 22:00 - Germany - Mainz

Disgusting

Today, I noticed a disgusting, cheesy smell and spent all day wondering what it was. I later found out that it wasn't coming from my feet, but from my belly button. My surgery wound got infected. I'm a germaphobe. FML

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By anon - 10/6/2012 21:14 - United Kingdom - Romsey

Today, I discovered that my expensive new shampoo smells exactly like my ex-girlfriend. So now, whenever I shower, I'm showered with depression. FML

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By Sabrina - 3/9/2019 04:00 - Australia - Canberra

Move on, dude

Today, looking on the internet, I came across my ex's Facebook page. Most of the posts were about me, and his profile picture was still of me and him. We broke up over a year ago. FML

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By Mr. Headshot - 25/4/2011 05:01

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should have told me she put in a stick to support the cake. FML

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By educatedreptile - 9/12/2016 16:21 - Canada - Yorkton

Today, I found out that I owe the government money and that the amount will increase if I miss the deadline 2 months ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 20:00

More issues than Vogue

Today, my wife is grumpy because our son has his first girlfriend and she feels like she’s been replaced. Our son is 32 and surely it’s about damn time. FML

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By forthethreeofus - 22/7/2019 22:00

Today, I went to a nice restaurant with my grandfather, who kept telling me to be kind towards our waiter, as he was probably just starting his summer job. The same waiter who, as my granddad had probably forgotten, had brought us our food six months ago and was now standing four feet away. FML

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By Jesse - 10/5/2012 21:22 - United States - Bothell

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2014 23:53 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my husband decided that if he's not hungry, then I'm not allowed to make myself any food. FML

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By jessica - 2/2/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

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By tannerrosetx_1 - 6/4/2015 11:44 - United States - Irving

Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

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By kiwibox - 26/10/2013 01:50 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

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By Unhelpful - 7/2/2012 04:27 - United States

Today, I was called an 'unhelpful little bitch' by a customer, after I informed her that we couldn't order a pair of shoes she wanted from the company in her size because it's a discontinued model. This little tirade continued for another few minutes, with her insulting me and my intelligence. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, I was helping my dad move into his new house. It's a 4-bedroom house and he has three kids so it's perfect. I was wandering around and noticed that the first bedroom is his, the second is my older brother's, the third is my younger sister's, and the fourth is an office. I have no room. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2014 20:36 - United Kingdom - Dunfermline

Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML

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By tickyette - 14/9/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

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By bruised_scrotum - 15/5/2014 17:08 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I had to inform a patient that she has an STD. She reacted by kicking me in the nuts. FML

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By becca1417 - 1/9/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

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By Mogg - 18/12/2009 08:42 - Australia

Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

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By Excalibur6669 - 31/12/2015 04:29 - United States - Parlin

Today, my sister is having a New Year's Eve party at our house. I'm not invited. FML

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By Nico711 - 30/3/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were out to dinner. She had to use the bathroom, so she went, but the food came while she was in there. She came out, yelling at me for ordering the food to come that exact time, then she broke up with me. FML

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By Brie - 29/5/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

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By failedfather - 16/12/2013 16:34 - Australia - Ferntree Gully

Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML

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By Stranded - 17/7/2009 07:58 - United States

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

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By apavies444 - 28/11/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML

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By tsukinoie - 2/2/2014 06:33 - United States

Today, I invited my best friend to sleep on my couch while he looks for a new place. He walked inside, dropped his stuff on the floor and asked me my policy on hookers. I laughed it off as a joke. Half an hour later my doorbell rang. He took my laughter as a yes. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2014 05:04 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a customer told me that there was no way he was paying for his shopping. He then walked off. As it turns out, the customer IS always right. FML

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By not a kiddy fiddler really - 29/5/2015 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

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By littlepeepboo - 30/1/2018 01:30

You want a piece of me?

Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML

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By Turnipseed3 - 3/5/2012 17:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML

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By outagrand - 1/8/2009 14:08 - Australia

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

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By yum yogurt - 30/10/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

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Top comments

By missathegirlwond | 19

#4525331 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

Aw! How romantic!

By Briscuit | 24

#4525333 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

A beautiful and moving story to tell the kids when they're older. :')
Congrats on the future wedding, OP.

Comments

By missathegirlwond | 19

#4525331 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

Aw! How romantic!

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4525397 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:50

8- Lol, were the first five words of your comment really necessary?

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4525469 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 9:01

25- I guess that's better in comparison to the typing habits of some of the other people on this site. I'll keep that in mind.

By Briscuit | 24

#4525333 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

A beautiful and moving story to tell the kids when they're older. :')
Congrats on the future wedding, OP.

By nerdlyfe101 | 4

#4525337 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

You should have got your husband and the guy shouting a room then haha

By SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#4525339 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:37

So.... did you say yes?

SkoomaKi | 27

#4525341 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:38

It says in the FML that she said yes. READ MAN, READ!

BeMyLove15 | 10

#4525350 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:39

"Once I said yes..."

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#4525358 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:40

5- holy shit... how did i miss that?

TheArchAngel | 8

#4525399 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:51

And that, children, is why you never mess with the time space continuum.
It screws us all.

xRedRockerx | 5

#4525439 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:58

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

I still fail to understand how this is a FML, most marriage FML's involve either one saying no.

By xxkimmyt | 9

#4525351 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:39

I think you should start kickin' it. ;) if you know what I mean.

By zingline89 | 18

#4525356 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:40

So, you're getting married, AND you're getting laid tonight?? I fail to see the FML :P

By hunterluv1 | 20

#4525359 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:40

How... gentlemanly... he is...

By Meowingtons500 | 18

#4525366 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:41

You're getting married and you haven't had sex together?
I'm not sure if I'm interpreting the story correctly... But congrats on your engagement OP!

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4525376 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:44

I don't see where it actually implies they have never had sex.

Redneck17 | 8

#4525390 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:49

^ I was thinkin' the same thing...

Meowingtons500 | 18

#4525523 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 9:07

I saw a comment that referred to OP and her fiancé needing to start getting it on, and I completely got confused. My bad. I understand now. :)

By Jeathrow | 2

#4525367 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:42

How is that bad? Sounds pretty funny

By brittanyayy | 8

#4525371 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:43

Is it just me or is that a really weird thing to yell out at an engagement?

TheArchAngel | 8

#4525387 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:47

Just you.

Redneck17 | 8

#4525405 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:54

It doesn't say he "yelled out" the engagement. They were in a restaurant, chances are people are goin' to over hear others' conversations.