Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of...

By BooBabe - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

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Intimacy

Instadrama

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Freak out

By Guess - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend of nine months that depression runs in my family and I think the reason I've been flipping shit so much lately may be that I am depressed. Not five minutes later he decided a break would be "the best thing for us right now." FML

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By PeterRabit - Canada

Headshot

Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML

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By Dontwaketheneighbors - United States - Santee

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

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By why.mom

Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML

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By Anonymous - China - Shanghai

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was walking in the mall and passed one of the hair product booths (with the people who constanly harrass you as you walk by). In front of half of the mall the woman working there told me that she had several products that I could use to touch up my roots. I'm a natural red head. FML

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By filipkm - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I learned that you should always check the inside of your guitar to avoid a snake bite. Nope, strings don't help. FML

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12521

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By Jeanine - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

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68623

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By octoberrain - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I had to very clearly explain to my mother, in public, why you cannot get cancer from eating too much ketchup. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was chosen to MC a function at work. I developed a terrible case of hiccups which made the audience giggle and groan for the duration of my time on stage. FML

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By Anonymous

Dr House

Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML

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1116

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By Hotdogwater

Today, my neighbour put in a noise complaint against me for being loud at midnight. I was having a coughing fit and couldn't breath. FML

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5582

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By Anonymous

Zigazig Ah

Today, I walked in on my fiancé while he was masturbating to the Spice Girls movie. FML

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5248

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By so much for a good day - United States

Today, I grinned for five minutes straight because my friends told me it would put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. It gave me a migraine. FML

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17655

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By tylah - United States - Piscataway

Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

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27128

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

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44779

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By Anonymous - Switzerland

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

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47399

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I rode home alone on a train. I accidentally missed my stop, but wasn't worried about it. My mom did not share my optimism and actually called the train company, saying that I was "lost" and "special". They thought she meant I was retarded. They wouldn't believe me when I said I wasn't. FML

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31484

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pushed over and robbed in a parking lot by a man in an ugly Christmas sweater. When I looked up, I was too distracted by the sweater to even look at his face. FML

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31512

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The day before, I was too anxious to eat anything, so I went in with an empty stomach. There were complications during the extraction and now I'm not allowed to eat for the next 24 hours. FML

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By S.Bunny - United States

Today, I found out that when you hit the neighbor's dog with your car, they might chase you a mile with a shotgun. FML

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By sick - United States

Today, I got up and left for work despite being really sick, because I had a big meeting. Halfway to work, in deadlocked traffic, my boss texts me to let me know he's rescheduling the meeting to tomorrow because of personal conflicts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

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By SlappyMcGee - United States

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

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By lk26 - United States

Today, I went to my car to discover a note on the windshield from the city telling me that they had hit my car. On top of that note was a parking ticket, also from the city. FML

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By TheAce44 - United States - Davison

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

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By KayEffEh - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox Say?" He loves it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out I'm allergic to mosquito repellent. I fly out on a two month trip to India on Saturday. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML

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By hannamacintosh - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally decided to accept a date proposal from a guy who's had a crush on me for years. I got into his car, and it smelled strongly of my middle school perfume. I went into his bedroom and saw my middle school class photos hanging everywhere. Let's just say I ran home that night. FML

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By sydneyp3435 - United States - Boerne

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

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By John Nani - United States

Today, it's Christmas day. Normally, my family would be opening gifts right now. Instead, my mom is holding our gifts hostage until we clean the house. Apparently, "The presents aren't going anywhere." FML

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By socks - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Monday madness

Today, I noticed I'd mislaid one half of the "Monday" pair of socks from my "Days of the week" set that were a gift for my birthday. I'm slightly OCD. I think I'm going to rip the floorboards up if I don't find it. FML

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By Ren - United States

Today, I applied for a job in an Italian restaurant. Ideally I wanted to be a hostess rather than a waitress, and I told the manager as much. His response? "No no no. Hostess no good for you. We leave that to the pretty girls." FML

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By finalfantasy - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

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Top comments

By missathegirlwond | 19

#4525331 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

Aw! How romantic!

By Briscuit | 24

#4525333 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

A beautiful and moving story to tell the kids when they're older. :')
Congrats on the future wedding, OP.

COMMENTS

By missathegirlwond | 19

#4525331 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

Aw! How romantic!

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4525397 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:50

8- Lol, were the first five words of your comment really necessary?

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4525469 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 9:01

25- I guess that's better in comparison to the typing habits of some of the other people on this site. I'll keep that in mind.

By Briscuit | 24

#4525333 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

A beautiful and moving story to tell the kids when they're older. :')
Congrats on the future wedding, OP.

By nerdlyfe101 | 4

#4525337 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

You should have got your husband and the guy shouting a room then haha

By SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#4525339 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:37

So.... did you say yes?

SkoomaKi | 27

#4525341 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:38

It says in the FML that she said yes. READ MAN, READ!

BeMyLove15 | 10

#4525350 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:39

"Once I said yes..."

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#4525358 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:40

5- holy shit... how did i miss that?

TheArchAngel | 8

#4525399 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:51

And that, children, is why you never mess with the time space continuum.
It screws us all.

xRedRockerx | 5

#4525439 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:58

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

I still fail to understand how this is a FML, most marriage FML's involve either one saying no.

By xxkimmyt | 9

#4525351 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:39

I think you should start kickin' it. ;) if you know what I mean.

By zingline89 | 18

#4525356 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:40

So, you're getting married, AND you're getting laid tonight?? I fail to see the FML :P

By hunterluv1 | 20

#4525359 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:40

How... gentlemanly... he is...

By Meowingtons500 | 18

#4525366 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:41

You're getting married and you haven't had sex together?
I'm not sure if I'm interpreting the story correctly... But congrats on your engagement OP!

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4525376 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:44

I don't see where it actually implies they have never had sex.

Redneck17 | 8

#4525390 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:49

^ I was thinkin' the same thing...

Meowingtons500 | 18

#4525523 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 9:07

I saw a comment that referred to OP and her fiancé needing to start getting it on, and I completely got confused. My bad. I understand now. :)

By Jeathrow | 2

#4525367 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:42

How is that bad? Sounds pretty funny

By brittanyayy | 8

#4525371 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:43

Is it just me or is that a really weird thing to yell out at an engagement?

TheArchAngel | 8

#4525387 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:47

Just you.

Redneck17 | 8

#4525405 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:54

It doesn't say he "yelled out" the engagement. They were in a restaurant, chances are people are goin' to over hear others' conversations.