Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of...

By BooBabe - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

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Intimacy

Season finale

Not now, mom!

Booty pic

By americanbln - United States

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. His sister and I filled the air vents in his car with confetti so when he starts the car, it would blow all over him. In the process we lost the keys. The keys cost $200 to replace. Happy Birthday! FML

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By anyone - Lebanon

Today, while browsing facebook I found out that today was my school's class reunion. I was the ONLY one not invited. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me out for the first time. It's a good thing he did it over Facebook, because I started shaking and almost threw up. I don't know how I'm going to function on our date next week. FML

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By asdf1851 - United States

Today, I let my friend who is in 'beauty school' do my hair. I now look like i have a mullet. What was supposed to be auburn highlights is now hot pink. I have a job interview in the morning. FML

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By unitythemene

Today, I was worried because it's July and I still haven't found a summer job, despite applying to 50 places. It was fine, because I remembered my savings account. I told my parents. Instead of being relieved, they said they're going to take the money from me for being lazy, and using it for my tuition, despite promising to pay for it. FML

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By Meowit - United States - Livonia

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

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By bbbblt - Australia

Cheats, cheats everwhere

Today, my sister got caught cheating on her boyfriend. She was cheating on him with my boyfriend. FML

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By purpleivy - United States

Today, after a conference with my teacher who had previously accused me of not doing my homework, she finally discovered she'd been losing it all this time. I've been getting straight Fs for a month. FML

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By good job brain - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a job interview. I was asked what my dream job would be. I blurted out, "The president, because I think it's a very cool and important job." I don't think I'm getting this one. FML

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By Beeh - United States

Today, I shared the story of my younger brother's unexpected death with a friend. After telling him the story, I looked at him with teary eyes and he looked back into my eyes and said "I understand how you feel. That is almost as bad as when I lost my cat last spring term." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - East Northport

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

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By anonymous - 3/6/2020 14:06

Stinky mom

Today, my mom once again cried that I never come to visit her. I’ve tried, but her house is just unbearable. It’s always no less than 80°F inside, and she also refuses to clean up. She just burns multiple candles and air fresheners all day to mask the smell. She refuses any cleaning help I offer. FML

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By life// - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

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By Bunni - Australia

Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML

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By kalamar5 - Norway - Sarpsborg

Today, my boss bitched me out for doing some random web browsing while waiting for some documents I needed to arrive, then went back to his desk and went on Facebook, thinking I couldn't see. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to spray my open window with the hose. RIP my laptop, phone, school books, wooden desk, my entire bookshelf, and my carpet. FML

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By Idi - France

Today, I arrived right on time for my train. Only problem, it was the wrong station. FML

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By pop, pop - United States - San Francisco

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

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By Robert Herrin

Today, being the man of the house, I decided to work on the car. Long story short, there's a towel in my transmission. FML

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By GoodDog - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

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By BigMoney - United States

Today, behind a cabinet, I found a scratch-off lottery ticket I hadn't scratched yet. After scratching it off, I realized it's a $2,500 winner. The lottery commission won't accept it because they stopped using that game 2 years ago. FML

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By millzee - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours on an airplane next to an alcoholic Pink Floyd fanatic. I must've drifted off because when I took a trip to the bathroom I noticed that my pant leg that had been closest to the drunk man was soaking wet. I returned to my seat. He was on his side, facing me. I smelt the wet spot. Not beer. FML

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By Silentshdw13 - United States - Arlington

Today, after moving back in with my parents, I found out they had held on to a chunk of mail still being sent during the time I had been changing my old address. Included was a summons to jury duty. FML

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By johnny121 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

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By Tooks - United Kingdom

Today, everyone at work commented on how much better my new haircut looked and how I should keep styling it this way as it's such an improvement over my old style. I was late for work this morning. My new hair style was Bed hair that I didn't have time to sort out... FML

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By taxed - United States

Today, I found out that I owe the IRS money due to my previous job not taking enough taxes out. I am broke, unemployed, and was counting on a big refund so I could pay for my divorce. FML

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By Jesus - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

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By DangerousDriver

Today, while delivering for a building supply company, I was sent to an incorrect address. I attempted to turn around and got the 24-foot truck stuck in the mud. The homeowner left for work and then called the cops, saying someone was trespassing on his property. FML

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By Roses are Red - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML

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By snitchovich - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

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By OompaLoompa - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Elmwood Park

Today, I was at a diner with friends when we decided to put our phones in the middle of the table on the basis that whoever looks at theirs first has to pay. It was going well, until someone rushed up behind me, slammed my face into the table and ran out with our 4 phones. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

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By guitar_chick7 - Australia

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

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By twiggy24 - United States

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

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By AIienware

Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman's car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML

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By princess4242 - India

Today, I was with my friend and her entire family at a restaurant. While we were eating, her brother who is really cute asked what "brown sauce" is. I said thats probably 'penis' sauce. I'd meant to say 'peanut sauce' but the damage was done. The entire family just stared. FML

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By Anonymous

Poor me

Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML

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By elle_hamilton - 25/8/2020 23:01 - United States

Cashback

Today, when I told a gentleman that, no, he couldn't have cash back on his return without a receipt, he started screaming at me that I was calling his mother a liar. He told me to lawyer up and yelled at me for smiling at him. He also screamed at me to go on a diet as he left the store. FML

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Top comments

By missathegirlwond | 19

#4525331 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

Aw! How romantic!

By Briscuit | 24

#4525333 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

A beautiful and moving story to tell the kids when they're older. :')
Congrats on the future wedding, OP.

COMMENTS

By missathegirlwond | 19

#4525331 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

Aw! How romantic!

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4525397 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:50

8- Lol, were the first five words of your comment really necessary?

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4525469 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 9:01

25- I guess that's better in comparison to the typing habits of some of the other people on this site. I'll keep that in mind.

By Briscuit | 24

#4525333 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

A beautiful and moving story to tell the kids when they're older. :')
Congrats on the future wedding, OP.

By nerdlyfe101 | 4

#4525337 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:36

You should have got your husband and the guy shouting a room then haha

By SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#4525339 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:37

So.... did you say yes?

SkoomaKi | 27

#4525341 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:38

It says in the FML that she said yes. READ MAN, READ!

BeMyLove15 | 10

#4525350 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:39

"Once I said yes..."

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#4525358 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:40

5- holy shit... how did i miss that?

TheArchAngel | 8

#4525399 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:51

And that, children, is why you never mess with the time space continuum.
It screws us all.

xRedRockerx | 5

#4525439 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:58

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

I still fail to understand how this is a FML, most marriage FML's involve either one saying no.

By xxkimmyt | 9

#4525351 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:39

I think you should start kickin' it. ;) if you know what I mean.

By zingline89 | 18

#4525356 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:40

So, you're getting married, AND you're getting laid tonight?? I fail to see the FML :P

By hunterluv1 | 20

#4525359 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:40

How... gentlemanly... he is...

By Meowingtons500 | 18

#4525366 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:41

You're getting married and you haven't had sex together?
I'm not sure if I'm interpreting the story correctly... But congrats on your engagement OP!

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#4525376 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:44

I don't see where it actually implies they have never had sex.

Redneck17 | 8

#4525390 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:49

^ I was thinkin' the same thing...

Meowingtons500 | 18

#4525523 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 9:07

I saw a comment that referred to OP and her fiancé needing to start getting it on, and I completely got confused. My bad. I understand now. :)

By Jeathrow | 2

#4525367 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:42

How is that bad? Sounds pretty funny

By brittanyayy | 8

#4525371 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:43

Is it just me or is that a really weird thing to yell out at an engagement?

TheArchAngel | 8

#4525387 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:47

Just you.

Redneck17 | 8

#4525405 - Tuesday 5 June 2012 8:54

It doesn't say he "yelled out" the engagement. They were in a restaurant, chances are people are goin' to over hear others' conversations.