Miscellaneous: Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 92

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 1 259

16/07/2013 04:41

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 101

You deserved it 3 360

Vulture

Dysfunctional

Money management

13/01/2014 01:00

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 134

You deserved it 7 123

29/10/2009 14:31

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 961

You deserved it 57 248

17/04/2017 04:00

Today, I met an important figure in my line of work who also happens to know my dad, Alan. Upon meeting said person, I let my social anxiety get the best of me and I greeted him by saying, "Hi! I'm your Alan!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 376

You deserved it 644

22/11/2010 21:14

Today, I went to get my hair highlighted at the salon. The salonist mixed up my blonde hair dye with some other girl's hot pink and violet dye. Now I look like a cheap hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 617

You deserved it 5 394

21/10/2017 08:00

Today, I made the egregious mistake of going on RateMyTeachers. My students think that, while I'm a good teacher, I have constant "wardrobe malfunctions" and spill my "bloody ass tampons all over the place like a bitch". I teach 6th graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 617

You deserved it 486

27/03/2013 16:54

Spicy

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 914

You deserved it 11 697

07/07/2009 23:04

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out my proposal. The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money. She proposed to me at a subway station first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 770

You deserved it 8 979

Red flags

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 23:03

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was really excited to meet his brother, since his brother is his best friend. One of the first questions his brother asked me was, "He did tell you he isn't the handsome brother, right?" Followed by, "You aren't a feminist are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 201

Asshole

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 20:38

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 079

You deserved it 3 223

24/09/2012 02:26

Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 505

You deserved it 1 555

Bye bye love, hello loneliness

By Lonley Lesbian - 17/06/2020 02:02

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush out. Also today, she changed her Facebook status to "In a relationship." I'm so damn lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 241

10/12/2010 21:55

Today, I spent ages looking for a parking space at the mall. I saw a couple walking out of the mall and decided to follow them and take their space when they left. After following them for a good ten minutes, I realised they were heading to the bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 443

You deserved it 32 726

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 11:47

Today, I found myself locked out of my house. I had to squeeze myself through a tiny window around the back. While hanging upside down, my hood fell over my head. My dog ran through to investigate the noise and ravaged me thinking I was a burglar. I then fell and broke my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 231

You deserved it 5 195

05/03/2015 17:36

Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 530

You deserved it 2 805

30/09/2009 19:30

Today, I joined a small disaster relief group. I remarked to the big, long-haired person beside me that it was surprising that I was the only female in the group. I got a cold stare. Later I asked another volunteer about that person. He answered, "Oh, her? She's my sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 208

You deserved it 38 918

03/12/2015 00:44

Today, my dad sent me $200 by mail, only to mail it to the wrong person. So now some random person is getting $200 from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 532

You deserved it 1 560

07/06/2012 21:26

Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 610

You deserved it 39 095

Bougie

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 08:01

Today, I went to the Louis Vuitton store to repair the broken handle on my handbag. Upon review, they told me that my handbag was not an authentic Louis Vuitton. I essentially paid $1600 for a fake that I can no longer use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 1 351

02/09/2009 04:29

Today, I found out that my company was throwing a work picnic. When i showed up, I realized that it had been planned months ago and I wasn't supposed to find out. The entire restaurant was there greeting me with faces of utter shock. Nothing says 'you suck' more than being 'that guy' at your job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 037

You deserved it 6 251

09/05/2009 04:54

Today, my boyfriend took me to his grandfather's funeral. At the reception, his family members insist on hearing me play piano. After getting positive reactions, I dive into one of my favorites, Rustle of Spring. In 2 seconds everyone bursts into tears. That was Papa's favorite too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 182

You deserved it 4 506

12/02/2013 20:15

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 326

You deserved it 4 385

Family Ties

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 03:59

Today, my future mother-in-law blamed me for the death of her husband because I should have taken him to the ER when she didn't feel like it. She then blamed me for her getting a new boyfriend less than two months later and making her son hate her when she insisted he call the guy "Dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 196

You deserved it 60

19/11/2017 01:30

Today, I actually slipped on a banana peel, cartoon-style, breaking my kneecap and dislocating my hip. I will never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 041

You deserved it 339

Big booming voice issues

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 05:01

Today, like the rest of the past year, I had to hear my roommate as he works as tech support from home. The man does not have an "inside voice" but echoes across multiple floors like a tuba, as he debugs people's software issues over the phone. Talking to him about it only makes him angry… and louder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 61

26/01/2016 18:09

Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 816

You deserved it 1 650

15/12/2016 21:08

Today, I had an appointment with the CEO of a big company about a game I'm going to make for them. The first thing I did after sitting down was to throw my coffee all over his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 456

You deserved it 963

03/06/2011 10:17

Spicy

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 079

You deserved it 5 027

14/08/2013 19:47

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 612

You deserved it 2 973

24/10/2011 04:22

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 337

You deserved it 3 689

02/12/2016 03:54

Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both whispered, "Sorry." Our teacher promptly gave us detention and a 0% on the test for talking. Sorry for being sorry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 017

You deserved it 734

24/09/2016 04:18

Today, I bought a friendship bracelet. I'm not sure what's sadder, the fact that I don't actually have a friend to give the other half to, or that I'm actually wearing one of them so it looks like I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 442

You deserved it 1 699

29/04/2016 03:40

Today, I was teaching a friend to squat. While I was spotting him, he decided it would be a great idea to turn around. This wouldn't have been a problem, if he hadn't hit me in the face with the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 794

You deserved it 1 059

23/11/2011 06:40

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 956

You deserved it 9 882

07/03/2009 02:55

Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 324

You deserved it 7 727

09/07/2011 15:19

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 949

You deserved it 10 481

10/08/2018 18:30

Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 174

You deserved it 372

18/09/2013 16:55

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 585

You deserved it 5 339

10/08/2016 15:32

Today, a customer made a huge scene at work because all of our reading glasses are made in China, and apparently any "moral" person should be repulsed by that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 569

You deserved it 1 222

01/05/2012 08:24

Today, I faked my age to win a colouring competition. I just turned 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 758

You deserved it 29 298

10/06/2016 17:02

Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 632

You deserved it 1 293

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:44

At least he warned you?

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:42

Scent of a man

Comments

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:42

Scent of a man

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 12:16

I guess the dude couldnt hold it in any longer and run to the wrong door... usually its the womans bathroom super packed so they go to a mans bathroom. this is definitely a weird case.

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Wednesday 17 July 2013 3:58

Whoooraa

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:44

At least he warned you?

boredSOLDIER 33

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 13:05

Who says chivalry is dead, huh? :D

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:45

maybe hes gender confused?

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 19:51

Maybe its a transgender person, these days sometimes its hard to tell.

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:45

Well that's.. disgusting.. sorry op! Hope you went quickly!

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 12:15

if you're implying that he went in the ladies restroom than yes. If this was at a gas station per say, and it only had one stall for each gender, and it was an emergency, i can see why he would do it. and this FML sounds very familiar. like I've read it before..

ShakeDisPlace 10

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 20:40

#19 She's implying that it's gross that the guy took a huge nasty shit.

Yellow_Fish79 11

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:45

lol... That's creepy. I'd find somewhere else to pee.

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:47

Pun intended?

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:48

One of the reasons I avoid public toilets when possible. It could be worse though, you could have been the one having to take the biggest dump in your life at a public restroom.

WandaX 16

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:48

Atleast he warned you

karpoi 11

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:49

Maybe he was just an extremely butt ugly woman..

karpoi 11

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:54

OR! She could be taking T- pills. There are women that take Testosterone pills, which have a side affect of obtaining manly features.

0h_Boy 26

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Tuesday 16 July 2013 11:51

You're welcome