Today, I left for a one and a half month trip to Japan with my... - FML

By VacationRuined - 16/6/2013 23:22 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I left for a one and a half month trip to Japan with my boyfriend. He promptly broke up with me the first night in the hotel. When asked why he couldn't have waited until the trip was over, he said he didn't want to create "false memories". FML

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Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 19:34 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

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By 0867142 - 27/2/2010 00:39 - Canada

Today, I found out that I spent a year helping my dad get back into shape, not for his own good health which was what I thought, but so that he could cheat on my mom with 5 other women. FML

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By Mandy - 9/5/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took of the clear lid, shook the can, then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML

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By A Henderson - 25/4/2012 20:50 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML

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By Fucked - 16/1/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML

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By Familyskank - 6/5/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

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By mrb72 - 3/2/2009 10:48 - United States

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

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By unknown - 15/6/2011 10:20 - United States

Today, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. I was repeatedly ass-grabbed, grinded on and hit on by guys. My boyfriend's response was, "As long as they continue to bring you free beer, let them get a little feel of what they are paying for." FML

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By liilii - 30/8/2014 16:40 - India - Trivandrum

Today, I woke up to the sight of a dead fly on my bedside table, being eaten by a swarm of ants. I screamed so bad that my dad said he thought my sister was being murdered in my room. FML

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By Bailey - 5/4/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

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By baddoggy - 17/10/2010 08:13 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

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By Jimseagoon - 3/9/2018 20:30

Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML

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By NotSoClean - 21/7/2009 18:53 - United States

Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML

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By urmommmm - 22/8/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML

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By SquirrellyGirl - 15/7/2019 22:00

Today, my brother asked if I could babysit his kids tomorrow. I declined, as tomorrow is my birthday and I have plans. This isn't the first time he's forgotten my birthday, and I doubt it'll be the last. FML

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By whut - 23/12/2014 20:58 - United States

Today, for my Christmas bonus at work, I got a potted plant and some lotion. FML

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By stewiesclone - 11/2/2010 09:09 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

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By aaaa - 25/9/2018 17:30

Today, while helping a child through a tantrum, I was kicked and my hand broke. The bone is completely in half and fixing it will require plates, screws, and surgery along with months of recovery. Another day on the job. FML

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By fredfredburger - 25/6/2014 17:45 - United States - Imperial

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

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By suhleedah18 - 19/12/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I was working on the computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eye patch in a couple of days. FML

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By CoolGuy69 - 12/9/2016 11:53 - Sweden - M?lnlycke

Today, I studied all night for a big test. I ended up falling asleep on the bus ride there. I woke up in a different province. FML

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By thatwasembarrassing - 4/9/2018 15:00

Today, at a dinner I'd been planning for months with my fiancé to talk to our families about the wedding for the first time, he told me he didn't want to get married. I cried in front of both of our families and a dozen of strangers. FML

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By notinflammable - 27/6/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

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By JoeyDizz - 6/5/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, while masturbating at the computer, I was interrupted by a flash of light out of the corner of my eye. As I turned to face it, I realized I forgot to close the blinds. Standing at the window in the appartment across the street were two girls, one had a camera and was snapping a second shot. FML

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By OptMouse - 14/4/2015 11:50 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, my supervisor forced me to bring the image of a failed simulation to the group meeting, because he thought it looked funny. So did the others and it's now going on our webpage. I have to provide a scientific description of how I made a mistake in my code. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2016 15:48

Today, a customer complained that one of our cashiers smiles too much. FML

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By hailsatan666 - 9/6/2012 18:43 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out through Instagram that the guy I'm dating has a wife and two kids. FML

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By geeb - 23/2/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, I had to confess to my mother that I was too hungover to take her to her AA meeting. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2011 05:29 - Canada

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

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By ginya - 7/6/2016 01:58 - United States - Bedford

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

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By JK710 - 23/6/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I discovered that the hearing in my left ear is still good. I haven't been able to hear that well out of it for 2 weeks and I thought I popped an eardrum and waited for it to heal. I stuck a Q-Tip in there to clean it out. Turns out there was actually a dead fly in my ear. For 2 weeks. FML

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By Professional_Ars - 14/10/2018 14:00

Today, the coworker I have a crush on left halfway through the busiest shift of the week, and now I have to work it alone. I eventually found out that she left to go on a date with her new boyfriend. FML

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By southernluxe - 4/9/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

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By SnurklesMcGee - 12/2/2016 22:08 - Canada

Today, I learned I don't have to spend Valentine's Day alone. My parents invited me along on their date. FML

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By NotsexyEnough - 23/11/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

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By moonbears - 22/10/2015 16:46 - United States - Portland

Today, as I tried to parallel park at a busy spot downtown, a group of teens jumped in front of my car and started a slow clap. FML

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By LeaveHimAlone - 30/12/2014 04:23 - United States - Elkridge

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

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By jj4320 - 17/9/2011 08:37 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for distracted driving. Not for cell phone use but for nose picking and inspecting. FML

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By bird problems - 7/3/2016 17:42 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, since I've been paying attention to my newborn, my pet cockatoo learned to cry like the baby on the middle of the night. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep. FML

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By Anon - 29/1/2019 02:00

Today, I was working on an art commission for some random kid's OC and I didn't notice that I made the nose look like a man's private parts. The mother was upset and spammed my mailbox. FML

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Top comments

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5538584 - Monday 17 June 2013 8:58

What a heartless prick. I'm really sorry OP.

By uhhSavage | 22

#5538594 - Monday 17 June 2013 9:01

Just because there are a lot of fish doesn't mean she can catch them.

COMMENTS

By firepanda11 | 7

#5538580 - Monday 17 June 2013 8:57

There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Reply

uhhSavage | 22

#5538594 - Monday 17 June 2013 9:01

Just because there are a lot of fish doesn't mean she can catch them.

Reply

hienzburgess | 9

#5538612 - Monday 17 June 2013 9:04

ladies and gentlemen we have a pessimist over here. ^

Reply

uhhSavage | 22

#5538616 - Monday 17 June 2013 9:06

No, just being realistic.

Reply

DerrickJames | 33

#5538660 - Monday 17 June 2013 9:30

Don't forget the mercury. Japan has that mercury.

Reply

xlord | 27

#5538676 - Monday 17 June 2013 9:40

There's also plenty of sharks and dolphins in the sea. Not to mention trying to compete with sperm whales.....

Reply

feelingold | 18

#5538679 - Monday 17 June 2013 9:43

.....many of those fish look like cute Japanese girls and your man wants to unpack his fishing rod...

Reply

deepunder | 17

#5538726 - Monday 17 June 2013 10:08

Go to a koi pond for starters. Start with a small group and if that fails go commercial fishing in the ocean.

Reply

DKjazz | 20

#5538763 - Monday 17 June 2013 10:26

I like those private fishing holes where you pay to catch farm-raised catfish. Sure the fish look a little ratty, and the price is steep, but you can't beat experience! Those fish have had PLENTY of hooks in their mouths.

Reply

ApologyKick | 25

#5539039 - Monday 17 June 2013 16:09

There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but you'll need bait to catch any. A nice rod also helps.

Reply

lifesucks1217 | 6

#5539346 - Monday 17 June 2013 19:28

#1 didn't say anything wrong yet got so many thumbs down...wow

Reply

therealafroninga | 10

#5540052 - Tuesday 18 June 2013 4:49

I caught a fish once. Blue gill. Then it took my money and left me.

Reply

Sacytrl | 28

#5542926 - Wednesday 19 June 2013 22:25

Now the entire comment thread is about fishing xD
I'm sure you deserve better, OP!

By Zmeilerr | 22

#5538581 - Monday 17 June 2013 8:57

oh.

Reply

zandalee | 19

#5538790 - Monday 17 June 2013 10:43

Is that all you got?

By xALEXx_fml | 15

#5538583 - Monday 17 June 2013 8:57

That's not very nice- you get a good trip out of it though!

Reply

gczizza1997 | 15

#5539057 - Monday 17 June 2013 16:17

Find a store in Japan, get a bunch of great clothes, wear them out and when men are falling over you remind your boyfriend that these Are his "true memories"

Reply

RpiesSPIES | 27

#5539198 - Monday 17 June 2013 17:58

This is Japan you're talking about...
OP, cosplay Hatsune Miku -> new japanese BF

Reply

YooperTransplant | 8

#5540158 - Tuesday 18 June 2013 6:30

Actually, I'd like to know whether she paid for the trip.

If she paid for the trip, then she just got suckered into buying a trip to Japan for this guy.

If he paid... yeah, at least she got a trip to Japan out of it.

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5538584 - Monday 17 June 2013 8:58

What a heartless prick. I'm really sorry OP.

By flashback.miss | 28

#5538585 - Monday 17 June 2013 8:58

What a lousy, strawman excuse, hopefully you can still make the best out of your trip OP, without the douchebag. Why not leave him there to enjoy the scenery without strings attached?

By hienzburgess | 9

#5538586 - Monday 17 June 2013 8:58

wow. he is ever so kind and considerate and gentlemanly. marry him.

By red_headforlife | 15

#5538587 - Monday 17 June 2013 8:59

At least you were able to get away from that asshole as soon as possible.

By 1soda1pOp1 | 6

#5538588 - Monday 17 June 2013 8:59

Damn, that's harsh! I don't see why he didn't break up with you BEFORE the trip.

Reply

juliaannw | 11

#5538601 - Monday 17 June 2013 9:01

Totally agree, now she has to deal with awkwardness for a month and a half or make expensive arrangements back home. What horrible timing, im sorry op :/

Reply

buddy51 | 23

#5538992 - Monday 17 June 2013 15:11

Or OP could strike out on her own and leave her pudnozzle ex in her dust!!!
Go OP and don't look back!!! Better that you know and enjoy yourself than wonder what's wrong and ruin the trip!!!

Reply

bigmike25 | 11

#6093783 - Monday 20 October 2014 0:49

I just got done reading a FML where the bf broke up with her gf after their cruise and everybody crucified him.

By SuperPizzaMan_fml | 11

#5538591 - Monday 17 June 2013 8:59

Plenty of sexy ninjas in Japan, good luck OP

Reply

hienzburgess | 9

#5538608 - Monday 17 June 2013 9:03

OP doesn't want a ninja, she wants a tai-chi master.

Reply

xALEXx_fml | 15

#5538865 - Monday 17 June 2013 11:59

How do you know what she wants? I didn't read that in the FML

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5539473 - Monday 17 June 2013 21:00

She want's it slow and steady, therefore, tai-chi.

By uhhSavage | 22

#5538592 - Monday 17 June 2013 8:59

That's rough, OP. At least you didn't create those "false memories" though, right?