Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I was "angry" at...

By His name is now "Cunt" in my phone

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I was "angry" at him. I was angry because last night he turned off his phone and left me locked out of the Airbnb that I had paid for. Until 3 am. In a foreign country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5858

You deserved it

378

Favorite

Love

DINOSAURS!!

Child labor

Optimism

By wtf bro - Australia - Canberra

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40963

You deserved it

3597

Favorite

By not getting laid - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24026

You deserved it

90571

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 02:00

Stealth dog

Today, while I was sitting in a waiting room to be seen, my service dog (who was tucked under the bench I was sitting) let out the most vile, silent but deadly fart. The person near me retched and heaved, and I got death glares while someone sprayed their old lady perfume to mask the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1476

You deserved it

191

Favorite

By tampondealer - Canada

Today, after visiting my mom, she stuffed a bunch of pads in my backpack so I'd have some at my dorm. When I was going through security, I was stopped and ended up missing my flight. Apparently the jumbo pads my mom sent look exactly like packs of cocaine when they go through the X-ray machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35024

You deserved it

2765

Favorite

By steak through the heart - United States - El Monte

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46914

You deserved it

4075

Favorite

By HoShiz - Canada

Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31376

You deserved it

4804

Favorite

By Dina - France

Today, whilst chatting with my mum on MSN, she unintentionally sent me an animated emoticon of a penis jerking off repeatedly. I don't even want to know the type of conversation she was having. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42596

You deserved it

2857

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43407

You deserved it

5389

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lexington

Today, my husband won't seek medical treatment for a condition he's been living with for years because he saw an episode of House, in which the treatment made the condition worse in a very rare instance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24935

You deserved it

1799

Favorite

By newsgirl - United States

Today, I was interviewed by this TV crew who asked me what I thought of Rhode Island being voted for the second most neurotic state. I thought they said that Rhode Island was the second most erotic state. I commented. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41832

You deserved it

13039

Favorite

By Stalkerella

Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4561

You deserved it

252

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69980

You deserved it

4076

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32619

You deserved it

3213

Favorite

By ReallyNow - United States

Today, I got rear-ended while on my way to work. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't pregnant, suffering from a horrible UTI, and running a fever. My boss called in sick, so now I'm stuck running the office alone. With whiplash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34955

You deserved it

2755

Favorite

By NoMoreMeatForAYear - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out that just because my roommate doesn't buy alcohol, it doesn't mean she isn't stealing mine and slowly replacing it with water. That bottle cost me $150 and was destined to be a present for my best friend, whom I haven't seen in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46244

You deserved it

4391

Favorite

By fatto - Sweden

Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1603

You deserved it

2585

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 16:56

Family matters

Today, I was told by step-dad, who I live with, that my mom "hates my guts" while smiling so big, because he got a call from her. He's so desperate for her to come back that all the lying, cheating, manipulation, and emotional abuse doesn't push him away. She's a tornado. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1051

You deserved it

Favorite

By jemma - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was reading me a love poem he wrote for me. It was beautiful, and going really well until he read the last line, which had a girl's name in it. It wasn't my name. My boyfriend said "shit, wrong girl", and dug through his bag for a different poem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64938

You deserved it

4712

Favorite

By TCRII - United States - Springfield

Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3287

You deserved it

611

Favorite

By ohshit - Canada

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31223

You deserved it

8318

Favorite

By notyourparkingspot - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a guy who lives in my condo complex threatened to take my husband and me to small claims court. Why? He was mad about the $300 fine to get his truck back after it was towed, because he was parked in our spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4255

You deserved it

344

Favorite

By night_fox88 - 27/1/2020 05:00 - United States - Camden

Go out please!

Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2007

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By anon - United States

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9702

You deserved it

104169

Favorite

By almostmugged - United States

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13985

You deserved it

55044

Favorite

By Xia - United States

Today, I spilled a half bottle of superglue on my hands. I also found out that cold water only makes it harden faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31699

You deserved it

16096

Favorite

By immovingout - United States - Huntington Station

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57032

You deserved it

4724

Favorite

By Mad Munki

Today, I went on the best date of my life with someone I’ve admired for a very long time. On the car ride home, she vomited all over my lap and informed me that she’s moving across the country next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4759

You deserved it

339

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54558

You deserved it

3981

Favorite

By armtits and big pits - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51176

You deserved it

8248

Favorite

By Breath of fresh air - 3/8/2020 17:01

Wear your masks

Today, after 3 months of no Coronavirus in my state, two stupid cunts have to failed to self-isolate and restarted the lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1598

You deserved it

184

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 14:01

Walking Dead

Today, my doctor informed me I was a fascinating patient. Why? I have "more health issues than a patient my age should." I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1400

You deserved it

116

Favorite

By babyfatt - Australia

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12537

You deserved it

27107

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, a fork hit me in the eye. I was holding it. I didn't even get to eat my chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1339

You deserved it

497

Favorite

By CutePenguin - Canada

Today, I returned to my university residence following spring break. I was greeted by a letter stating I'd been caught on camera vandalising a wall repair. At the time in question, I was asleep on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The REZ coordinator is avoiding me, and I can't clear my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28621

You deserved it

2006

Favorite

By Rhett_15

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

Today, I found out that my favorite song is about blow jobs and crystal meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3342

You deserved it

890

Favorite

By Anonymous - Europe

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35545

You deserved it

18145

Favorite

By Rosie

Today, I discovered that you can vomit hard enough to break a rib and tear a ligament. Why was I barfing so violently? The stray cat I'm feeding has given me worms. I found one during "down there cleanup" time. I got laughed at by EMS, nurses, doctors, and my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2498

You deserved it

509

Favorite

By PizzaNIF - United States - Henderson

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14669

You deserved it

1312

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Burbank

Today, I was going to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. He couldn't get hard and pouted about it for nearly two hours. When I went to comfort him, he said "Man, I hope I'm not gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28209

You deserved it

2431

Favorite

By Unlucky - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32840

You deserved it

2870

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Justkidding100 | 36

#7434166 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 14:01

seems like a win for you, all in all.

By mikelangele | 15

#7434183 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 15:04

You should have broken up with him not the other way around

COMMENTS

By Justkidding100 | 36

#7434166 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 14:01

seems like a win for you, all in all.

By MidnaLink | 32

#7434175 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 14:38

And why, pray tell, did he do that?

Winchesterbride | 9

#7434334 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 19:50

erm.. the OP mentioned why she was angry...

MidnaLink | 32

#7434358 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 20:11

I mean, why did he lock her out?

MidnaLink | 32

#7434360 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 20:13

I honestly shouldn't have had to clarify that.

By mikelangele | 15

#7434183 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 15:04

You should have broken up with him not the other way around

By Nysha | 17

#7434192 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 15:22

Congratulations on your newly de-assholed life!

By RichardPencil | 28

#7434212 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 15:51

I hope you mean EX-boyfriend.

Yay! You do! See, wishes really do come true!

By Colon_Man | 17

#7434243 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 16:36

Doesn't he know that shit like that is what births super villains(esses)?

By Rebecca Rose | 5

#7434281 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 18:04

What a twat! You're better off without:(

By Etweens96 | 24

#7434318 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 19:21

Be glad you got rid of him cause he seems like someone who's selfish op

By sousaphonist | 14

#7434350 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 20:05

HE broke up with YOU?
That seems like a perfectly legitimate reason for YOU to dump HIM.

By imnotcleverenoughforthis | 14

#7434356 - Wednesday 5 April 2017 20:10

Sounds like he's a selfish jerk who doesn't think about anyone but himself. You're better off OP. Plus this gives you an idea of red flags to look for in your next relationship.