By Keastwood013 - 18/01/2013 15:25 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML
I agree, your life sucks 40 767
You deserved it 4 153

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Hmm weird. That usually works.


I smell a challenge.


Hmm weird. That usually works.

She's one of those sadistic women who like to be alpha-male'd dominated without chivalry and wants to feel like she's being treated like an object when you pound deep inside her from behind

I'm sorry 33, I must excuse myself to wash the vomit from my shirt after such vivid imagery was placed into my head.

jem970 19

Holy crap 33! Chill out

tj5810 21

Not that 33 has ever thought about that before or anything...

Hrm, I agree. You should probably establish a safe word first though. Safe, sane and consentual, you know!

That comment made me picture wanton granny pounding more than the obvious wrong point of view of 33.

Uh 33 I think you mean masochistic. Sadist would be if she were the one holding the whip. ._. Lovely image you put in my mind, by the way.

She seems disinterested on the outside, but on the inside she's yearning for you to bang the dust out of her.

MrBrightside21 20

Or she didn't want him at all and was just making a joke. People these days are crazy. Always assuming the worst. Like giving kids some extra halloween candy out of my windowless van suddenly makes me a pedophile? What I'm trying to say, is that I'm sure she's a very nice lady.

I need brain bleach after that comment -_-

Thanks for the correction, 58. My bad. Masochistic woman. I'm happy my comment was vivid, it's what I wanted to send. My girlfriend likes to feel dominated and being handled rough, which is what inspired my wording. We like it sweet and slow sometimes too, like everyone else ;)

I could not agree more #59

You were great with your imagery and sounds like a Great sex life #83.

Try helping her with her groceries, maybe that'll get you somewhere.

Werken247 14

Should have just asked; "What's it gonna take Grams?"

TorturedXeno 27

Trolling knows no age group.

And when you get there ask her to take her dentures out. Hahahah


I smell a challenge.

perdix 29

Naw, that's just Ben-Gay, mothballs and stale cigarette smoke. It's easy to confuse the two.

Challenge Accepted!!

perdix 29

#43, let's hope Granny doesn't forget her Depends. The Gray Commandos terrorize the world with their hangy-down cooters!

Try helping her bathe. That always works!

Jessj958 19

Maybe you should court her. That would eventually go somewhere!

Yep! Invite her to BINGO!(:

laya_fml 26

Or take her to actual court! Ladies love an aggressive man. Wait, maybe they don't. Eh, probably doesn't matter.

@75 I really don't want to know your type now.

maybe you were meant to slam it in her face

afunnyterdcody 5

Sorry unconscious sex doesn't count

Oh trust me. It counts.

Tell her that if you got into her pants, she would need more than just a door held for her. What a cougar. Well, at this age, tortoise would be a better animal to describe it. A horny toroise.

A real live tortoise stuck on its back would be screwed. Think that old lady falls in that same category? :P

I would have been howling with laughter if it were me. Totally random things like that are hilarious.

cajekraze 7

Awesome old lady FTW

kut17 11

So instead of a cradle robber, are you a grave robber?

perdix 29

Would you really want to find out what's in her pants? Depends.

The Hanging-down Cooter, perdix, the Hanging-down Cooter.

I think you missed the joke, Depends is an adult diaper brand.

perdix 29

#15, so, can I put you down as a "yes?"

Only if you go in with me. The HDC should always be tackled as a team. 16- I was making an in-joke with perdix, myself.