Kids: Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme...

By CrappyLuck - 04/08/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 764

You deserved it 4 237

Kids

Batman

Dementia or hate? You decide

Stinky

By Nezje - 08/08/2018 18:30

Today, I didn't get my driver's license even though I didn't make any mistakes because my examiner said it was only my first time taking the exam, so it wouldn't matter if I failed. Now I have to pay another €240 for a second exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 694

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 17/10/2014 10:13 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 524

You deserved it 4 157

By laughing-stock - 02/09/2013 21:40 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was telling my brother about how my new colleagues and I don't share a sense of humour. He replied, "What, you mean they don't pretend to laugh at your jokes like everybody else?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 883

You deserved it 5 979

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 00:15 - United States - Brighton

Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 399

You deserved it 9 842

By fuck you btichass cuntshit - 20/08/2015 16:18 - United States - Shelburne

Today, I accidentally dropped and shattered my small bathroom mirror. My sister came to see what was going on, took one look at the shattered mirror, and said, "About time you put it out if its misery." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 754

You deserved it 2 702

By Anonymous - 08/05/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 005

You deserved it 71 956

By Cheech - 29/06/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, I left on a 2 month trip. I was in a hurry to pack so I wouldn't miss my plane. There were 2 piles of clothes on my bed. One pile was clothes that didn't fit to take to a thrift store, one was to take with me. Guess which one I brought? FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 573

You deserved it 58 170

By Emily - 21/09/2012 01:39 - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 105

You deserved it 1 979

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 02:24 - United States

Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 677

You deserved it 2 484

RIP x 2

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 06:54

Today, my mother-in-law passed away. She wasn’t even cold yet when my wife told me she wanted a divorce. Apparently, only her mother guilt-tripping her kept us together the last few years, but now she’s dead, she’s dumping my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 052

You deserved it 107

By deadmedia - 30/08/2009 00:39 - Canada

Today, my best friend informed me that I could not be her maid of honour because I "wasn't as pretty as the other bridesmaids" and she wanted her wedding photos to have "consistency". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 897

You deserved it 3 849

Beautiful

By Anonymous - 10/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 442

By swervelol - 20/08/2017 23:15

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 339

You deserved it 317

By shorty - 13/02/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said "Yeah, horizontally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 709

You deserved it 6 945

By caqi33 - 08/03/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I dropped my urine sample on my pants. Not only do I now not have a sample, it looks like I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 159

You deserved it 8 981

By simon - 11/01/2018 06:00

Today, my mother, who insists on sticking her nose into every aspect of my life, found out I'm only "middle management" and called my boss to criticize her for undervaluing me, demanding I be promoted immediately. I am now the laughingstock of my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 180

You deserved it 520

By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 22:06 - United States

Today, my bra clasp broke in the middle of a job interview. I got the job on the spot. I'm scared to report into work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 357

You deserved it 4 240

By Somethingswrongwiththispic - 05/08/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 174

You deserved it 46 866

By gassy - 29/12/2012 09:32 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 409

You deserved it 4 607

By anon - 11/07/2015 12:51 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 646

You deserved it 3 213

By cathouse - 26/03/2011 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my family came back from holiday to discover that my little sister had messed with the cat flap before we left. Several stray cats were able to come in, but were unable to get out, and left shit in various areas around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 837

You deserved it 4 210

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 02:01

Today, I’m recovering from an accident. My boyfriend wanted to get it on, but I told him I couldn’t as I'd had a major spinal injury. He replied, "But you have a mouth, though stop with the excuses." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 221

By SummerJob - 06/09/2012 16:51

Today, it's day two of my two-month summer job on a Mediterranean cruise ship. I'm incredibly seasick, and the ship is still docked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 964

You deserved it 4 757

By yankeeboy123 - 12/01/2015 05:03 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 573

You deserved it 3 310

By akosirm - 25/09/2012 02:28 - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 263

You deserved it 13 427

Special Snowflake Kitty

By MissKitty - 10/03/2017 04:00

Today, I found out why I couldn't properly breathe nor sleep for the past 2 days. I'm allergic to the new kitty litter. This is the special litter I had to buy because my snowflake cat is allergic to all the other brands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 973

You deserved it 679

By sam - 26/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 3 532

By M_Kclift1994 - 20/01/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 669

You deserved it 8 447

By chickety boom - 02/08/2013 12:41 - United States - Austin

Today, my 70-year-old grandmother held a celebration over officially having divorced my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 908

You deserved it 4 282

Incognito browsing

By Anonymous - 26/05/2020 23:00

Today, my dad is super overprotective and can view my search history through his phone. I'd downloaded the Google app to be able search for things he wouldn't approve of. I just realized I've been making all these searches on my school account. I go to a private school and they can view my search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 2 162

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 20:47 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 2 773

By Noname - 02/03/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 152

You deserved it 4 366

By Thanks a lot - 23/10/2015 01:27 - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I babysat for my neighbor's brat kid. The mom gave me $15 for 5 hours. I complained to my mom when I got home because last time I got $15/hour. Turns out my mom had told my neighbor that she thought they'd paid me too much last time. Thanks mom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 223

You deserved it 2 001

This is us

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 19:59

Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 406

By Gwayhir - 19/11/2008 04:58 - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 937

You deserved it 4 891

By Anonymous - 12/07/2019 02:00

Today, I figured out my boyfriend gets out of jail in less than six months. First off, I have a boyfriend in jail. Second, I also realized I'd much prefer he stay in than get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 1 808

Thanks, Dave

By Anonymous - 23/11/2019 14:00

Today, I opened the door to a delivery girl with a towel around my waist as I was just out of the shower. My dog was going crazy at the courier, and when she handed me the touchpad to sign for the package, my dog decided it would be a good idea to pull my towel off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 154

You deserved it 1 062

By please don't get the succ - 29/06/2016 18:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 575

You deserved it 644

By kittynapper - 17/07/2014 23:32 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 454

You deserved it 6 860

By CityGirl - 17/07/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, I went to TGI Friday's with my crush. At the end of our meal, the waitress gave us mints with the bill. He said something that made me laugh, and I began choking on my mint. After a few coughs, I finally managed to get it out. It hit him in the forehead and landed in his drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 477

You deserved it 5 400

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Top comments

flockz 19

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Thursday 4 August 2011 8:55

should of slathered him in pepto.

iheartkanye 8

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:00

Shit happens

flockz 19

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Thursday 4 August 2011 8:55

should of slathered him in pepto.

soccergurl95 8

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:04

Shit balls, that's a rough one.

EarAcheMyEYE10 2

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:04

At least he didn't piss on you too!

J0gby 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:12

well then he wasnt REALLY constipated now was he...

tybtab 5

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:28

that is a shitty situation.

VVeetard 8

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:33

Scared shitless.

VeroAnne 11

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:50

You were shit outta luck :(

flockz 19

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:54

you guys must think your hot shit huh?

YourEvilHero 12

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Thursday 4 August 2011 10:11

all of your responses are quite... "shitty"

flockz 19

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Thursday 4 August 2011 10:12

dont say shit like that. i'll fuck your shit up! ok im done.

juicedboi 7

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Thursday 4 August 2011 10:18

"Insert witty pun involving the word "shit" here".

Soloman212 28

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Thursday 4 August 2011 10:25

Juiced, you might want to reconsider that "witty" part.

FarSide 22

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:24

Was the diaper wrapped THAT tight?? Next time, take junior outside next to a dumpster and save your $25 bucks.

i13Zero 5

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:16

Oh no! $25!

UnicornHunter 12

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Saturday 6 August 2011 20:53

OP, who gives a shit?

ReptarSwag 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 8:56

what a shity day huh??

itsbritneybixchh 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:09

Haha bunny funny.

xXSillyLoveXx 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:30

What a shitty comment, huh?

rarrar321 3

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Thursday 4 August 2011 11:42

organic Butt plus suck!

VeraJK 12

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Thursday 4 August 2011 17:17

61-WTF?

Gruv3r14 1

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Thursday 4 August 2011 18:34

Well, it was only $25.

partyfool2011 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:41

For $25 it better have been the most righteous of deuces!

cheeser9 0

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Friday 5 August 2011 8:36

*BA-DUM-CHH*

jessesgirl14 16

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Thursday 4 August 2011 8:56

A tablespoon of karo syrup in 8 oz of liquid should help.... Or miralax! Anything to help him go...

cc_the_beast 6

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Thursday 4 August 2011 14:38

Castor oil is quite literally the shit. All the bub would need is a couple of drops.

partyfool2011 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 20:44

I think op is trying to say that a filled diaper caused the babies constipation.

itsharkley 8

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Friday 5 August 2011 23:52

3 kiwis is the natural way to go

idontcare8l 3

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Thursday 4 August 2011 8:56

Thats shitty

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:13

A shit joke, really clever

idontcare8l 3

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:31

I hear poop i say shitt what can i say

LizzJizz 16

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Thursday 4 August 2011 8:57

Lol well coulda been worse...coulda payed 1000

lulututu 4

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:00

That's what I'm thinking.

hellokat1 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:18

Yea look on the bright side, $25 isn't that much and at least your baby isn't constipated anymore.

jelmermcgee 8

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Thursday 4 August 2011 19:13

what I was thinking. 25 whole dollars huh?

Ketchup_Castle 30

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Wednesday 31 August 2011 23:04

Well, that's one way to look at it. But, yeah. $25 really isn't that much money for a doctor's visit.

jmatx 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 8:57

Thats a shity situation

dreamering 16

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:13

No shit Sherlock.

flockz 19

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:36

6- I bet you think your hot shit for making that comment.

omgcookeys 15

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:37

6- that was a pretty shitty comment you posted.

flockz 19

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:44

ok we need to stop or we're gonna scare him shitless with all these shitty comments.

dreamering 16

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:53

How can you stop the shit? Oh wait; butt plugs up to certain level.

halofan48 0

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Thursday 4 August 2011 8:58

Refunds accepted???

Stylin_Since_97 10

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Thursday 4 August 2011 8:58

I would've hugged the doctor in return for his precious time

XxgreymoonxX 8

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:00

xD maybe he wanted an audience?

iheartkanye 8

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Thursday 4 August 2011 9:00

Shit happens

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 39

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 56

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 26

RIP x 2

Beautiful

This Charming Man

Special Snowflake Kitty

Incognito browsing

This is us

Thanks, Dave

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