Work: Today, my boyfriend finally got a job. As a clown. FML - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 101

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 107

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 41

04/08/2010 08:28

Today, my boyfriend finally got a job. As a clown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 285

You deserved it 8 858

And today, on Dr Phil…

Dementia or hate? You decide

How? Why? What?

13/05/2019 12:00

Today, after a trip to the emergency room for severe stomach pain and almost passing out in the shower, I slipped on the wet bathroom floor and broke my two front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 105

12/07/2015 19:56

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 035

You deserved it 2 865

11/07/2015 00:52

Today, I finally finished downloading a 60GB TV series after two weeks of waiting. Every single "episode" turned out to be Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up, on constant repeat. I almost respect the prankster's effort enough to not want to gut him like a fish. Almost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 657

You deserved it 8 429

12/08/2015 13:50

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 323

You deserved it 2 855

19/10/2016 12:09

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't have to sit on campus so long to print it all out. It just got delivered in Arizona today. I live in New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 325

You deserved it 1 241

01/06/2010 04:35

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 735

You deserved it 5 200

TMI

By crazyman. - 12/05/2012 05:27

Spicy

Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 584

You deserved it 4 103

18/09/2012 19:51

Today, I found a Justin Bieber shrine in my daughter's closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 120

You deserved it 4 004

Recycle this!

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 00:01

Today, I ordered and paid for a compost bin to be emptied in addition to the garbage. Turns out most of what I wanted to put in there – although perfectly compostable – is not allowed in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 139

14/07/2011 20:21

Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 878

You deserved it 3 141

21/04/2011 13:55

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 10 155

23/11/2016 18:33

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me flowers that said, "I just need some space, forever. I hope I never see you again, even if you were a great person. It's not you it's me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 534

You deserved it 871

11/04/2009 08:42

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to close a simple $400 deal with a homeowner. He spent 3 hours telling me about his life story including his marital problems, his philosophical views of the world, AND he read me 20 pages of haiku poems. Only 3 hours later did he tell me he couldn't accept my deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 996

You deserved it 6 205

17/04/2012 09:38

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 041

You deserved it 3 069

31/10/2009 10:08

Today, it's Saturday night, and also Halloween. Instead of going out, I'm sitting at home on MSN telling everyone who asks me what I'm doing tonight that I'm 'going out in 10 minutes to a party', then when 10 minutes pass, I block them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 614

You deserved it 26 294

04/06/2012 15:02

Today, my mum thought it was perfectly acceptable to post a status on Facebook about how well she is healing up after her hemorrhoid surgery, and tag me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 224

You deserved it 2 731

01/02/2016 17:00

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 845

You deserved it 5 769

07/07/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. After chatting in a pub, we went for a walk at the nearby marina. He tried to have sex with me bareback behind a lighthouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 715

10/05/2017 00:10

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 175

You deserved it 336

17/03/2018 19:00

Today, I got a promotion because my boss “accidentally” had sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 721

You deserved it 380

25/08/2013 16:23

Today, I was driving down a one-way street, when some raging dumbass came screaming the wrong way down the road at me. My instant reaction was to brake and give the guy a chance to do the same. His instant reaction was to keep going and wreck my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 938

You deserved it 3 050

30/11/2012 07:29

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 045

You deserved it 1 859

This Charming Man

By single mom blues - 08/08/2021 00:01

Today, my dad told me I needed to "hurry up and find someone to marry" so my kids wouldn't end up "screwed up" from being raised by a single mom. Their dad died six months ago from Covid. Yes, he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 54

12/08/2009 23:36

Spicy

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 624

You deserved it 22 532

02/11/2016 02:55

Today, while teaching my history class, a girl asked me where North America was. She lives in North America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 558

You deserved it 680

29/01/2013 14:51

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 383

You deserved it 3 440

21/03/2011 17:32

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 561

You deserved it 34 166

26/04/2010 21:42

Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash a KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 653

You deserved it 17 315

22/05/2015 22:14

Today, my aunt, whom I live with, told me she is going to move out and demanded her half of the rent back, as she only spent two days a week there. When I told her that's not how rent works, she called my mom to tell her what a failure she had raised. Her own sons are unemployed drug addicts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 505

You deserved it 2 103

14/08/2009 08:29

Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with her friend. A few minutes later they came back, laughing uncontrollably, and announced that some moron forgot to put on their parking brake and the car was rolling into the full parking lot. It was my car. They watched me chase it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 346

You deserved it 39 637

30/12/2012 06:14

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 627

You deserved it 2 821

30/09/2015 13:13

Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 592

You deserved it 2 934

09/11/2014 03:38

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 854

You deserved it 39 881

Difficult

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 20:01

Today, a patient, who is normally pretty chill, was being quite difficult for my workmates. They were whinging about him and I defended him, he's normally a sweet guy so something must be upsetting him. I went to chat with him, he punched me and called a useless a**hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 98

31/01/2016 19:32

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 209

You deserved it 4 761

Good impressions last

By icarlypoop - 11/04/2020 23:00

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 433

05/04/2012 11:29

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 260

You deserved it 13 524

02/06/2012 23:25

Today, on the bright side, my boobs grew a size. Unfortunately, this was only after bed bugs decided to attack my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 706

You deserved it 3 176

Adding insult to injury

By SomeExplainingToDo - 04/09/2017 04:30

Today, I sent a polite yet strongly-worded email to one of my corporate clients in which I expressed my irritation at being asked the same question by the same team for the 4th day in a row. I ended it with "Regards!" but accidentally swapped the 'g' with a 't'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 432

You deserved it 1 718

11/08/2018 07:00

Today, my boyfriend took my car on a 3-day vacation, stranding me in our extremely rural town. I have a box of ziti, a jar of expired pickles, no cable or Netflix, and no water since the well ran dry. Why am I here? "Someone needs to stay with the dog and feed the cows." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 849

You deserved it 372

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:29

at least he has a job you unsupporting bizznotch.

ArtIsResistance7 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:29

Now all his childhood dreams are fufilled...you should be proud!

Comments

ArtIsResistance7 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:29

Now all his childhood dreams are fufilled...you should be proud!

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:43

ha. yeah exactly. op shouldn't be such a bitch atleast he got a job

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:59

hey if he's a good clown makin that dough you need to stfu

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 17:03

Shut up, Op. At least he has a job.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 17:42

So op, what are you doing again? Oh yeah, making me a damn sammich

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 17:48

yeah, an ass clown

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 17:52

Yup, nothing wrong with being a clown. If he wants to entertain people and he's happy, sounds great. No matter what at least he's bringing in money by working, I don't know why you would complain.

Smyth 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 18:06

at least he won't get in trouble for clowning on the job.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 18:20

Haha 56, that was lame but it made me chuckle. :)

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 18:39

time for epic... clown sex? :D

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 18:41

clowns r scry ass people D: lol i saw a movie called "It" about clowns when I was 7 now I'm just freakin scared...

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 19:19

65 ur hot OP suck it up, at least he's not IT..... orrr is he??????

StopTheFuckinCar_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 19:30

this is not an FML, this is awesome! and #66, everyone & their fatass mother says that.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 19:33

So you two gonna go 'clownin around'? See what I did there?

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 19:41

I see what you did there

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 19:58

20 bucks says op doesn't have a job at all

nightELFassasin6 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 20:03

u get a fuckin job op or stop bitching

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 20:17

85- I'm in

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 20:24

YDI for your boyfriend finally getting a job. As a clown.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 22:01

atleast now you have everything you need to role play when you know.. do it, I can picture it now. honk honk.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 22:51

FYBL for having an unsupportive gf. =( Let him do what he wants... "Oh no! My bf got a job making people happy! How can he possibly care more about that than about supporting my sorry butt with a job I can brag to my friends about??? He must not love me!"

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 22:57

YDI for not having a clown fetish

Send a private message

Thursday 5 August 2010 0:35

He's got a job-be proud and I bet it's something he likes to do. Better than flipping burgers at BurgerKing

indianstrongman 0

Send a private message

Thursday 5 August 2010 3:02

Sounds like a real winner. U sure know how to pick em!

Send a private message

Thursday 5 August 2010 3:33

Shut up OP. Homey don't play that.

beastmcbeastly 0

Send a private message

Thursday 5 August 2010 4:55

clowns need gfs too u racist (racist, clownist, or jobist?) bitch.

Send a private message

Thursday 5 August 2010 7:25

Just as long as he doesn't do cocaine... k-k-kayeah!!

JohnGraveline 0

Send a private message

Thursday 5 August 2010 7:28

Fuck yes.

Send a private message

Thursday 5 August 2010 9:29

skroal- stop with the needless comments and consume your time to do other things.

Send a private message

Thursday 5 August 2010 23:10

clowns are creepy. O.o

Send a private message

Monday 7 October 2013 4:39

I have a funny felling that this isn't a joke. It's no laughing matter. It sounds quite serious. Your boyfriend needs to quit clowning around. ;)

thatxgirlxthere 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:29

...that's really sad...

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 19:15

How is him being a clown sad. Clowns ate hilarious with the testicle hats.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:29

at least he has a job you unsupporting bizznotch.

Send a private message

Saturday 30 July 2011 5:27

He could be a male prostitute.....

2O12 6

Send a private message

Sunday 6 November 2011 0:33

How are you certain that OP is unemployed?

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:31

I hate clowns. And you live in my state! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh run for the Cascade mountains!

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 17:40

heyy I live in WA also...and I too, hate clowns.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 19:01

cool cool. East or West?

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 22:44

western wa closeish to seattle area

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 23:32

oh cool I live on the east side

Send a private message

Thursday 5 August 2010 9:26

I live in western Washington over by puyallup

m311 6

Send a private message

Wednesday 10 November 2010 17:58

I'm gonna stalk all of you

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:32

at least he got a job ???? am sorry but ppl can actuly clean the streets and their job would be more fulfilling than this and thats a decent job

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 18:17

but everybody hates clowns

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:32

come on guys, this FML is no laughing matter! oh yes, I went there. :D

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:35

not a good pun if you can even call it one.

thatxgirlxthere 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:36

nope it really isnt

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:39

I approve of this comment.

marylovesyou8D 7

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:42

fail.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:53

lol.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 18:13

6 is a win if you ask me.

MangaManiacNat 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:34

At least he has a job, quit complaining. Besides maybe that is what he really wants to be.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:35

So? He has a job, you ungrateful cunt.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:36

I've never been more proud to be a cart pusher lol

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:37

I would hate to be a clown! esp as a job haha plus clowns are kinda creepy...fyl