Today, I woke up with a migrane, so I took one of my prescription...

By Screwed in Seattle - United States

Today, I woke up with a migrane, so I took one of my prescription migrane pills to get me through my day. The pill made me dizzy and nauseous, so I took a motion-sickness pill. That pill gave me a migrane. FML

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Health

Nice neighborhood

Long story short

Optimism

By dirtyfoot - United States

Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

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By :) - Greece

Today, I was getting my portrait done. The artist told me to smile. He looked at me, then said, "Oh, don't smile." FML

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By Sam - United States

Today, after twisting my knee playing soccer with my friends, I had to take myself to the hospital. Apparently finishing the game was more important to them. FML

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By Kevin

Today, while at an important meeting at work, I got to watch helplessly as a police officer gave me a parking meter ticket. Added to that my boss chewed me out for "never paying attention and staring out the window during meetings". FML

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By I said whaat

Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML

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By kraussy - United States

Today, I went to the eye doctor and they used dilating eye-drops on me. After I left, my vision was still pretty blurry. I walked to the subway and when I went to step onto the train, I missed and my whole left leg got stuck in the gap. The train was delayed 10 minutes because of me. FML

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By tammylauraine - United States

Today, after handing out several résumés for several jobs, I realized that I forgot to add my phone number to them. FML

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By Anonymous - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

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By Username - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the old folk's home where I work as a housekeeper, a resident was holding herself on the way to the bathroom. I hoped she wouldn't leave a mess. She made it just fine. I was then informed that she had left a crap trail from the couch, more than 20ft away. FML

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By RckRagman - United States

Today, 3 of the 4 stalls were occupied in the rest room. I took the 4th stall. Upon sitting, I let out one of the longest, loudest farts I have done in a long time. Next, I hear "Hey, how's it going?". I was CORRECTLY identified by a co-worker hearing me fart. FML

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By Ophelia - United States - Hudson

Today, a realtor came to take a look at my house. I had worked all morning to make it look lovely. When they took pictures, I explained a number of ways I could change things so everything would look as good as possible. After the house tour, they told me it should be bulldozed. FML

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By xOdaatx - Australia

Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML

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By heartsick - United States - Davenport

Today, depressed about a recent break-up with my long-term boyfriend, I bought a book about moving on after a relationship ends. The cashier placed some standard promotional fliers in my bag during check-out. Once home, I pulled out the fliers. They were for a married couples retreat. FML

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By anx133 - China

Today, like any other day I struggled to put my boots on, went to pee and noticed my pants were covered in what looked like a green dust. I touched it, sniffed it, and it smelled utterly horrendous. So I took my boots off again only to find that one of my cats had took a dump in one of them. FML

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By savanna(: - United States

Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML

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By GLX - United States - Sand Springs

Today, I woke up to the rickety old ceiling fan above my bed crashing down on top of me. I'm fine, however I am now grounded until I can buy a new ceiling fan to replace the one I "broke". FML

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By thanksjerk - Canada

Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML

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By jazzybell - United States

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

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By sam.exe - United States - New York

Today, I was declined a sales position at a local store. As I headed out, I heard the interviewer telling a colleague, "Christ. That kid had less charisma than Microsoft Sam." FML

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By Divorcemenow - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

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By 1fungi

Today, it's my 26th birthday. My girlfriend gave me a matchbox car, a glow necklace, and a squirt gun. For her birthday, I bought her a new dress, rented a limo, and took her around to bar hop with her friends. FML

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By Stigmamma

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be responsible and put parental controls on the Playstation so our kids can't play adult games or watch adult content online. And now, neither can we. FML

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By Owned - Taiwan

Today, me and a friend I met in the club were sandwiching this blonde girl dancing, when 5 minutes later she turned around and said that I should get another girl and gently brushed me aside. FML

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By Poopalipa - United States

Today, I woke up late, didn't shave, didn't have time to iron my clothes, didn't eat breakfast, and ran into the office with beads of sweat running down my face. The meeting had been cancelled. FML

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By Elevated fear

Today, I finally sought help for my crippling fear of elevators. When I arrived at my new therapist's office, I found the door to the stairs locked. To get to my appointment on the third floor of the building, I have to take the elevator. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

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By Emmz91

Brain fart

Today, I couldn't open my car door from the inside. I rang my father-in-law in a panic and he opened it from the outside for me. Then he asked why I just didn't roll down the window and do it myself. FML

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By noneofthesex - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML

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By budbunny13 - United States

Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML

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By sassman - United States

Today, I was in class. I am an older student going back for my PhD. I was kicked out of class for "sassing" my instructor for telling him he was wrong about what took place at an event I was actually present at. My instructor is a 22 year old TA. FML

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By unicornlove - 17/7/2020 20:01

No soup for you

Today, I was bringing a table a bowl of soup at my waitressing job. A new customer taking off his coat threw his elbow out, violently knocking the soup out of my hands and onto his baby in a highchair. The baby screamed; I had a panic attack. FML

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By Ugh

Today, I got a job offer and was asked to come in at 5am for training. I sat there for about 2 hours before giving up. I was at the wrong site. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wichita

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

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By TheCrossingChick - United States

Today, my boss showed us a small picture of his family on his phone. Jokingly, I commented on how the orange shirt he was wearing reminded me of a big pumpkin. He wasn't wearing an orange shirt. His wife was. FML

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By sickatwokr - Australia

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

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By Arizonagirl - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed because hers is ,"reserved for sleeping only". FML

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By norestforthewicked

Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML

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Top comments

By xGraycloud | 4

#2049243 - Saturday 5 February 2011 19:58

don't take so many pills...

By attatood | 7

#2049566 - Saturday 5 February 2011 21:28

What, can NOBODY spell "migraine" correctly, including the OP?? I'm beginning to wonder what language this website is in, since obviously nobody knows how to speak or spell in English. I know, I know... but I just had to say it before the nazi's get carried away :)

COMMENTS

By rokeeferz3234 | 0

#2049239 - Saturday 5 February 2011 19:57

u r rly screwed

kwarrior66 | 0

#2049474 - Saturday 5 February 2011 21:01

you realy can't spell

CRrawsum | 7

#2049520 - Saturday 5 February 2011 21:16

You spelled "really" wrong.

izvakutzklipx | 2

#2049521 - Saturday 5 February 2011 21:16

*Nods* neither can you ( *｀ω´).

thelastavailable | 13

#2049766 - Saturday 5 February 2011 22:55

#17 was being IRONIC. I hope.

mintcar | 9

#2049873 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:51

clrly da onli amayzin spellr iz me.

CRrawsum | 7

#2050072 - Sunday 6 February 2011 2:15

I agree...

WOW_BS | 0

#2050485 - Sunday 6 February 2011 4:27

dark5259 | 0

#2052574 - Sunday 6 February 2011 21:09

hukt onn fonicz wurkt foor mee!

By xGraycloud | 4

#2049243 - Saturday 5 February 2011 19:58

don't take so many pills...

starah_fml | 0

#2049639 - Saturday 5 February 2011 21:56

I agree, plus it sounds more like dehydration. she should drink more water instead!

By derpherp | 0

#2049253 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:00

Ironically, your name has 'boner' in it ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

By mdoggsnicks | 0

#2049268 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:03

same thing happens to me. everyday I get a Headace

windergirl6 | 0

#2049864 - Saturday 5 February 2011 23:48

same here :(
totally ruins my day !

By MrBoredGuy | 1

#2049281 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:05

ydi because you don't eat enough

By DocBastard | 38

#2049289 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:06

Joseph Heller is laughing his ass off right now.

By mrahhhhh | 19

#2049295 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:07

I'm surprised (in a good way) that nobody has said "YDI for taking medicine instead of eating [insert plant name here]".

Here's a preemptive "fuck you, hippies" to anyone thinking of saying that without knowing the full extent if OP's problem.

By sallen0046 | 4

#2049351 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:17

Why are you taking a prescription migraine medication that's making you dizzy and nauseous? If you need to take more pills to cope with the side-effects of the first medication, it's obviously time to see your doctor for a different prescription.

GavinRoskamp | 0

#2051461 - Sunday 6 February 2011 12:28

You obviously have never gotten a migraine before. They suck major ass. Go get one and come back and let us know if you'd rather be dizzy or have the migraine.

blownfuse | 0

#2054457 - Monday 7 February 2011 9:37

I agree. and fyi op ..you have headaches... a migraine is something that last several days... get your shit straight next time. ydi

Gabbie_1210 | 8

#2060199 - Wednesday 9 February 2011 0:58

Migraines don't last for several days, smart one.

By sparco_556 | 0

#2049360 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:19

Well if the pills aren't helping you with your problems, the answer is clearly more pills. Time to go visit the doctor and add more chemicals into the mix.

By sourgirl101 | 28

#2049390 - Saturday 5 February 2011 20:23

nauseous
Causing nausea; sickening
nauseated
To be feeling, or having been caused to feel nausea.
So, next time you are tempted to say "I feel nauseous", understand that you are saying "I feel that I make other people sick", or basically "I feel nauseating".

colhyena | 3

#2055419 - Monday 7 February 2011 16:31

nau·seous: Affected with nausea; inclined to vomit
I dunno where you're getting your definitions from.

sporteeholmes01 | 15

#5788804 - Wednesday 11 December 2013 21:35

How did u draw that conclusion #13??