Today, I had to slowly explain to my slightly ditzy roommate that no, I will not grow testicles due to taking testosterone supplements. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML
Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "Weighing my testicles… you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my grandma told everyone I'm using steroids and amphetamines, all because she mistook my protein powder and vitamin pills for drugs. FML
Today, after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase my cup size, I realized that I've basically reversed my menopause. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML
Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that no, my period arriving several days late doesn't mean I have AIDS. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't take drugs from strangers. I'm 35 and he's 34. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 23-year-old female friend that when I get my hysterectomy, I will still be able to poop. FML
Today, I looked at the supplements my boyfriend puts in the protein shakes we both drink. To my horror, most of them listed "boosts libido" or "increased fertility" as benefits. When I confronted him, he said ,"So? I drink them too, it's not like I'm drugging you or something." FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Hahaha, it's amazing to think some people think you can actually grow testicles without seeds! Testosterone alone is useless unless you have the seeds, plenty of sunlight, and nutrient-rich soil. Jesus, I'm still laughing.
bigmusclebro 20
That's how I did it
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Comments (24)
foxpug 24
Solution is as follows. Phase 1: Agree that the testosterone will, in fact, cause you to grow testicles. (use hand puppets if necessary) Phase 2: Convince her that you've been put on an experimental trial for a new testosterone supplement that may have certain side effects. The most prominent of these being that people exposed to you for extended periods of time may get a contact high and also grow testicles. Phase 3: You're free to get a smarter roommate, owing to her being afraid of growing balls, or him walking around with four of them.
foxpug 24
Indeed, #40, indeed.
andrmac 25
I think you should stuff your pants in a couple of weeks look up pics of bulges to get the image right and be like damn you was right just to mess with them. After a few days show them how wrong when you remove the fake bulge.
capnbzarr 43
As a matter of fact, if you had testicles, they would shrink from taking testosterone. Just ask guys who've taken too many steroids.
SilverInGray 25
They won't shrink unless you're taking it to the point your levels are too high.
ThrottleJockey 36
I have been taking weekly 1ml testosterone injections for about 3 years and sadly, yes, they have shrunk down a bit. No, I'm not a body builder, I just don't make any testosterone.
skatoolaki 24
Kallman's Syndrome?
maydayyparade 27
this is why aliens don't want any contact with us
kowsee 22
Gotta love arrogance!
False_Stupidity 42
I think you mean ignorance.
olillia 16
Ooooohhhh the irony
GhostFox 34
Okay, maybe I am failing here, but I'm guessing the supplements are for either a medical condition or for sex drive issues, and not as HRT, since there's no mention of hormone suppressant and they identify as female.
SilverInGray 25
You don't have to take a hormone suppressant to take hrt, by the way. Though I do agree that they're probably not trans.
NeonTaipan 4
As #29 said, Testosterone is strong enough to suppress the production of Estrogen, Follicle Stimulating Hormone and Luteinising Hormone. Suppressants aren't required for people taking transition doses of T; on the other hand, for people taking Estrogen, they usually do need a Testosterone suppressant. Whatever the reason, good luck OP.
GhostFox 34
Thank you for the answers. That was written very late at night and I couldn't for the life of me remember which hormone needed the other hormone to be suppressed before it could work.
mattyiscool123 26
"This woman found out how to grow testicles using testosterone supplements, doctors hate her!"
n_a_t_a_l_i_e 6
Why are you taking testosterone if you're a girl? I'm confused
LyingBlood 8
sex drive issues most likely. if she is planning to become a man she would need hormone suppressants. but she didn't mention those, so we can only believe it's sex drive issues
SilverInGray 25
You don't have to take hormone suppressants to do hrt. I know many trans men on T and not a suppressant.
foxpug 24
C'mon, don't downvote. At least she admits that she's confused and is trying to educate herself about it. Shame on you.
Mynamewontfi 40
#26 Hormone suppressants are as stated above generally not used by transmen. Younger transsexuals may get them though, but it's more used to stop the changes of puberty.
IHaveThePower 18
T is actually a medical treatment for a lot of things--one of them, funnily enough, is malformed connective tissue (they tried it on me and I think the dose was too high, might be brought up again at a later date...). So it could be all sorts of things. Or he's trans and can't work the damn FML settings. (I can't either. It still thinks I'm a girl. I'm not a girl.)
ohSNAPyall 27
Blow your roommate's mind by reminding her that she also has testosterone.
dylanj5674 4
Why are you taking testosterone?