Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML
Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML
Today, my 80 year-old grandad is having more sex in his retirement home than I am as a married man. And by that I mean his care staff had to call me to say they found him having sex. That’s once this year, whereas I’ve not had sex with my wife in three years. I can’t afford to divorce her. FML
Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML
Today, I was the only family member available to take my grandad to hospital, after he fell on a bottle in the shower and got it stuck up his ass. Again. I swear we need to start monitoring him in the bathroom. FML
Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML
Today, I had to go to my parents' house and interrupt their "private time" to tell them that grandpa is in the emergency room. For those of you who are wondering if it gets any less traumatizing and/or awkward as an adult: it doesn't. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
fistnazal 10
Have you ever banged a nat'zee with lungs full of napalm?! ..Damn teenagers! With ther' books with faces own'em! Tweet'n n' twat'n! Brah't colors.. Listenin to little weezer's.. Whacker flackers.. And wizard khalifer's!!
maybeeiwill 11
Lucky!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (115)
brookiechii 1
Your grandpa use to be a pimp back in the good old days ;)
ExToRtiOn 0
Nothing bad about that
fistnazal 10
Have you ever banged a nat'zee with lungs full of napalm?! ..Damn teenagers! With ther' books with faces own'em! Tweet'n n' twat'n! Brah't colors.. Listenin to little weezer's.. Whacker flackers.. And wizard khalifer's!!
laden_swallow09 35
19 - ROTFLMAO I'm crying from laughing so hard
10K3NNY10 0
^^epic win
Captain_Crankypa 2
Oh Lord, I have to imagine that all of your memories of your grandma are a little less... Grandmotherly now. Seriously a FML!
PeteyPablo12308 20
Can you read? GrandFATHER. He was spending time with his grandfather.
Captain_Crankypa 2
Dude, his grandfather obviously did the nasty with his grandma, and this implies she was likely a bit wild if she got together with the guy (her grandfather) she's describing. Think about it!
doink 0
73: Chill out. It's gross either way.
Jessieg_98 0
So true ^
parpora 0
So interesting ! Did you enjoy it ?
Epikouros 32
I hope you taped it, so you could write a book about his adventures. Don't let your grandfather's legacy go to waste.
shawge 1
This makes me so sad. This time last year I was in the hospital with my 88 year old grandmother, and now she's gone. Appreciate the people you have while you can.
micahsmommy 13
Entertain him back with your own fun stories. "and this one time at band camp..."
jagsville 8
Yes, yes? We are waiting for more details
micahsmommy 13
64- rent American Pie, it'll fill in the details. ;)
crimsonprodigy 15
Pretty badass grandfather, I hope you asked for tips.
WCARlover 35
Grandpa's a playa playa!