Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML
Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML
Today, my 80 year-old grandad is having more sex in his retirement home than I am as a married man. And by that I mean his care staff had to call me to say they found him having sex. That’s once this year, whereas I’ve not had sex with my wife in three years. I can’t afford to divorce her. FML
Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML
Today, I was the only family member available to take my grandad to hospital, after he fell on a bottle in the shower and got it stuck up his ass. Again. I swear we need to start monitoring him in the bathroom. FML
Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML
Today, I had to go to my parents' house and interrupt their "private time" to tell them that grandpa is in the emergency room. For those of you who are wondering if it gets any less traumatizing and/or awkward as an adult: it doesn't. FML
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Top comments
fistnazal 10
Have you ever banged a nat'zee with lungs full of napalm?! ..Damn teenagers! With ther' books with faces own'em! Tweet'n n' twat'n! Brah't colors.. Listenin to little weezer's.. Whacker flackers.. And wizard khalifer's!!
maybeeiwill 11
Lucky!
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Comments (115)
totalnewbeeee 1
And now you have a story to share for years to come
ManUrLifeSucks 1
Lol. "Sit down son. Im going to teach u how a real man dies it"
badactor009 0
Our parents and grand parents were all young and had their time in the sun. That doesn't mean it is appropriate for them to air it to family, especially younger members of the family. You could have just told him that the conversation was not appropriate and if he felt like talking about it he should find someone who was interested in hearing it.
kerijade9 3
Be thankful your grandfather is still alive!
evil_toad 0
Lol sitting by yourself but somehow also with your grandpa
Feedmyaddiction5 14
Try and think about it like this. He was young too once. He wasn't 88 during his "sexcapades"
j_cat187 20
Met a real black girl down in South Carolina, ****** her till she turned into a white albino.
goddamniluvme 0
That's why u pretend get a phone call and slowly walk away.... I've done it. I can even lie, I've set an alarm on my phone and answered my alarm with a "hello" knowin damn well no one was at the other end.
UpAllNight_fml 0
My 93 year old grandfather passed away in October, I was holding him when he passed. I would give anything, anything at all to have him back, so he could share all his stories with me. Stop your bloody wingeing and think that your bloody lucky that your grandfather wants to tell you anything! One day he'll be gone and you'll wish that he was there telling you about his life. Grow up and have some respect!!. You are so fortunate to have him in your life still!
bankrupt 15
Well No. 100, that would depend upon the grandfather. Mine treated me like shit. When he wasn't insulting me or picking on me, he was ordering me about like a servant. He didn't even use my name. "GIRL, get me a fork RIGHT NOW!" or "GIRL, I want more coffee!" would have been typical. If I didn't drop what I was doing to serve him immediately, the name-calling and cursing began. When he died, my first emotion was relief and my first thought was "Finally!" At his funeral, a stranger walked up to me and asked who I was. When I explained I was the oldest granddaughter, she said, "Oh, you're the one they didn't like." How lucky you are to have had a grandfather who really loved you. Evidently mine didn't even like me.
Cokolia 7
Wow!!! That happened to me too!!!!