Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML
Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML
Today, my 80 year-old grandad is having more sex in his retirement home than I am as a married man. And by that I mean his care staff had to call me to say they found him having sex. That’s once this year, whereas I’ve not had sex with my wife in three years. I can’t afford to divorce her. FML
Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML
Today, I was the only family member available to take my grandad to hospital, after he fell on a bottle in the shower and got it stuck up his ass. Again. I swear we need to start monitoring him in the bathroom. FML
Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML
Today, I had to go to my parents' house and interrupt their "private time" to tell them that grandpa is in the emergency room. For those of you who are wondering if it gets any less traumatizing and/or awkward as an adult: it doesn't. FML
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Top comments
fistnazal 10
Have you ever banged a nat'zee with lungs full of napalm?! ..Damn teenagers! With ther' books with faces own'em! Tweet'n n' twat'n! Brah't colors.. Listenin to little weezer's.. Whacker flackers.. And wizard khalifer's!!
maybeeiwill 11
Lucky!
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Comments (115)
21jason 9
Barney stintson's dad??? How I met your grandmother?
LilKriminal 0
Take some notes, your grandpa knows what he's doing
DirtyMike911 0
Use his stories to your advantage :)
grannygruber 6
What, you thought gramps was a virgin till he met granny. I suppose after they met they only ever had missionary sex and only for the purpose of conception? Get over it, he had a sex life and I bet he and granny had some pretty wild times as well. FHL for having a pride for a grandkid!
laden_swallow09 35
You mean "prude"?
grannygruber 6
Yup! :)
xIBleedPurplex16 0
Your grandpa got all them hoes back in the day;3
tracer8 0
Thats awesome!! Those are better then actual war stories, i know by experience. CPl. USMV
sinking_fish 12
Thank you for your service!
Wafflestomper 22
Seconded!
funnynarwals 0
Story time!
orangepops 1
awkward but kinda nice to know he was cool :P
TheRealBrianGrif 7
Consider it a learning experience
rocoskewl14 3
I hope that you learned something.