Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML
Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML
Today, my 80 year-old grandad is having more sex in his retirement home than I am as a married man. And by that I mean his care staff had to call me to say they found him having sex. That’s once this year, whereas I’ve not had sex with my wife in three years. I can’t afford to divorce her. FML
Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML
Today, I was the only family member available to take my grandad to hospital, after he fell on a bottle in the shower and got it stuck up his ass. Again. I swear we need to start monitoring him in the bathroom. FML
Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML
Today, I had to go to my parents' house and interrupt their "private time" to tell them that grandpa is in the emergency room. For those of you who are wondering if it gets any less traumatizing and/or awkward as an adult: it doesn't. FML
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Top comments
fistnazal 10
Have you ever banged a nat'zee with lungs full of napalm?! ..Damn teenagers! With ther' books with faces own'em! Tweet'n n' twat'n! Brah't colors.. Listenin to little weezer's.. Whacker flackers.. And wizard khalifer's!!
maybeeiwill 11
Lucky!
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Comments (115)
bankrupt 15
Really, it would have been better for the old braggart to share his sex stories with a grandson, not a granddaughter. I believe men bond over "who I ****** where" stories but for an old man to blat on and on to a young woman on this topic is just weird. Does he have dementia? That would account for this behavior. If my grandfather had done this to me I would have thought it was inappropriate. I bet the OP's grandfather stretched the truth, anyway.
teyyoshi 19
dude ,he just need someone to talk to ...
klovemachine 24
Doesn't matter had sex...grandpa style ;)
emdawg15 4
Wish my grandpa was that cool.. Or alive.
kat2812 1
i love to listen to old people tell stories!! lucky for me i haven't had to listen to any like this! im sure it was quite awkward for you OP but im sure it took his mind off the fact that he is in the hospital. if something like this happens again just say to him "hey remember when you told me about *insert one of gramps favorite non sexual past times*, can you tell me that story again"...old people love to talk about the past, especially when they think you really are interested.
auctiongirl 10
That's amazing the he could remember and lucky you. I'd love to sit and listen to old people.
kriz_allizwell 6
so now you all about the ww2 dic-taters and where your grandpa's dropped them 'bombs' at...
friedbunnies 9
Send then to me!!!! Hipnaughtyk.com
zues70 4
Your gpa sounds like a cool person!
kay_princess14 7
Grandpa was getting busy