Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom...

By Alisterine - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41139

You deserved it

14542

Favorite

Work

Out of it

I don't wanna

Rich people problems

By shitfaced - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22561

You deserved it

9415

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I got pulled over and was given a ticket because my exhaust was too loud. I got this ticket while on my way to get said exhaust fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13182

You deserved it

988

Favorite

By child - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21331

You deserved it

1545

Favorite

By LadyLou - Australia

Today, at work, a customer told me that my teeth would make a very pretty necklace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25219

You deserved it

1958

Favorite

By Gullible - United States - Cleveland

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he was thinking about us taking a break. After an hour of crying and him saying it would be okay, I accepted it. When I asked when the break would start, he replied, "What are you talking about? I only said I'd thought about it" and then laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42103

You deserved it

7329

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 23:00

Retail stinks

Today, a pipe leaked in the store I work at. I had to smell sordid waste for more than 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1198

You deserved it

Favorite

By Vitani_Verci

Today, one of the kids at the daycare center I work at was so excited at the fact that his constipation was over, he felt the need to bring me his fecal matter, in his hands, to show me. Guess who had to clean up the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22865

You deserved it

1763

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn't what it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41361

You deserved it

2510

Favorite

By Anonymous - Hungary - Szeged

Today, while at church, I received a text from my girlfriend, saying, "It's not working. We're over." Not only was my phone not on silent mode, I was sitting directly beside my now ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37804

You deserved it

4467

Favorite

By K. - United States

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28759

You deserved it

3636

Favorite

By smiles22 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a back-up girl if we break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35572

You deserved it

4473

Favorite

By Better not - United States - Kenai

Today, while on vacation with my boyfriend, I decided it would be a good time to try getting intimate with him for the first time. It turns out his penis is so small that I get more enjoyment from a tampon applicator. We're stuck in this cabin for another 5 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6037

You deserved it

2266

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was shopping in an upscale store. As I was changing, I heard one of the snobby saleswomen say to mine "You shouldn't bother. She isn't going to buy anything." Determined to "show her", I purchased everything I'd tried on. It came to around $500. My credit card was declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16816

You deserved it

80404

Favorite

By FML136969 - United States - Oxford

Today, I tried channeling Mr. Miyagi by catching a fly with my bare hands. It turned out to be a wasp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22728

You deserved it

50220

Favorite

By poisonivyretard - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35488

You deserved it

51851

Favorite

By Livingthedream

Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML

I agree, your life sucks

2839

You deserved it

432

Favorite

By Fran - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49386

You deserved it

3355

Favorite

By wahwah - United States

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39079

You deserved it

6247

Favorite

By wow - United States

Today, I was getting my picture taken. The woman taking it told me to smile, so I did, showing my teeth. She said, "Please, be serious about this." Slightly offended, I smiled with my mouth closed. She then said, "If you can't be serious, we won't do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35514

You deserved it

3113

Favorite

By nikaea - United States - Everett

Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47768

You deserved it

3536

Favorite

By Michelle - United States

Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61884

You deserved it

6446

Favorite

By madaskueuchiha - United States

Today, I got a call from my parents' divorce lawyer. When I answered the phone, she thought I was my mother and told me the details about my parent's divorce. I'm a 13-year-old boy who sounds like a woman and just learned that my parents are separating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68684

You deserved it

3867

Favorite

By soso - Sweden - Bor

Today, my boyfriend of two years logged into my Facebook account and broke up with himself. He is now receiving loads of sympathy, while I'm being accused of lying about it to save my reputation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32380

You deserved it

3037

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47600

You deserved it

21406

Favorite

By shakyhands - United States

Today, my dad was stupid enough to think that the kitchen sink is a good place to clean a gas tank. Now, the whole house smells of gas fumes and I'm about to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32659

You deserved it

4199

Favorite

By serverdessert - United States

Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48442

You deserved it

19242

Favorite

By Lil_bit - France

Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7708

You deserved it

44298

Favorite

By caligirl4ever

Today, my boyfriend and I got robbed. He was so depressed about all the stuff we lost, I decided to cheer him up with a lap dance. I told him to sit on a chair. We have no furniture left. He started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1877

You deserved it

447

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11656

You deserved it

73550

Favorite

By Anon - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29502

You deserved it

2067

Favorite

By Lily

Today, I did a sprint in gym class. Despite being the skinniest in the class, I ran slower than everyone else, including two morbidly obese people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2052

You deserved it

2358

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

56869

You deserved it

5524

Favorite

By Ben - United States

Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20960

You deserved it

17304

Favorite

By drama king? - United States - Bolivar

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53438

You deserved it

5975

Favorite

By depressed - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10754

You deserved it

26155

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16955

You deserved it

31187

Favorite

By Sarah - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21701

You deserved it

1710

Favorite

By VtecKickIn - United States

Today, I was driving with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32805

You deserved it

5657

Favorite

By MerryDeathmas - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12506

You deserved it

29869

Favorite

By arachnidphobia - United States

Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30671

You deserved it

3443

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By outthelabyrynth | 21

#6046826 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:09

Well, this story was a slippery slope from the start. Sorry OP!

By lickastick | 27

#6046833 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:11

It makes me so angry when people forget to flush

COMMENTS

By outthelabyrynth | 21

#6046826 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:09

Well, this story was a slippery slope from the start. Sorry OP!

byEyecandy | 10

#6056506 - Thursday 4 September 2014 18:38

Really?

By alex_622 | 22

#6046828 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:10

What a shitty situation for you OP

njgohard | 16

#6046849 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:20

Pro tip: Shit puns turn out to be shit.

CamBen42 | 29

#6046958 - Monday 25 August 2014 1:40

I think I can speak for all of FML when I say that this pun is seriously not funny anymore.

GentlemanBastard | 15

#6046990 - Monday 25 August 2014 2:26

Overused, unoriginal, awful puns are not tolerated here. I'm sorry, we're gonna have to let you go. Please clean out your desk.

alex_622 | 22

#6047026 - Monday 25 August 2014 3:59

Yeah not doing that again...thanks guys

Chezzlova | 5

#6047050 - Monday 25 August 2014 4:32

Damn, you beat me to it.

By mookiemookie01 | 24

#6046829 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:11

Should have used a stick.

foxwasalamb | 24

#6046874 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:40

where are you gonna get a stick at work?

marcus369 | 9

#6046934 - Monday 25 August 2014 0:59

Plungers

dragonkisses28 | 25

#6046937 - Monday 25 August 2014 1:02

Idk #22, there are these people...what are they called? They use these tools with long handles to clean the floor... Sometimes they leave those things in a storage closet of some kind. Anyway, sorry OP. That's pretty nasty. Our toilets flush automatically, but every now and then you have to get in there and do a manual flush.

foxwasalamb | 24

#6046996 - Monday 25 August 2014 2:35

my bad 38, i forgot that "stick" and "mop" are synonymous. thank you for enlightening me

By OBTrice | 15

#6046831 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:11

Some people have shitty manners

Rallred32 | 20

#6047384 - Monday 25 August 2014 13:57

STOP WITH THE SHIT PUNS. Sorry for the all caps, but seriously, everyone who even thought of saying something about shit, don't ever, ever, ever ever ever ever type "shit puns".

soccerguy2o1 | 7

#6047387 - Monday 25 August 2014 14:16

Shit puns

Rallred32 | 20

#6049118 - Wednesday 27 August 2014 3:22

You. I like you. Let's be friends

By ODST_Panda | 12

#6046832 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:11

At least its not taco Tuesday

By lickastick | 27

#6046833 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:11

It makes me so angry when people forget to flush

meli1195 | 31

#6046848 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:19

I just don't see how people forget to flush, especially their shit. It still boggles my mind.

foxwasalamb | 24

#6046873 - Sunday 24 August 2014 23:39

i live with an outhouse, and on occasion i forget to flush if i go somewhere with indoor plumbing. it happens unfortunately

ahippienamedrae | 10

#6046901 - Monday 25 August 2014 0:19

Seriously. if you can reach behind you and wipe your butt, you can reach back there again and flush the damn toilet

sammiesorrow29 | 13

#6047029 - Monday 25 August 2014 4:00

people's cleanliness has become terrible, and there's a prime example. public bathrooms need to be kept on top of by staff. after all they are working there and if there's a nasty bathroom, many people could leave without getting food.