Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
Bedford_Sparkz 0
Im sure most people here have been called idiots by there mums... whats the big deal
LemonFairy 0
But most of them are not called that publicly on the internet so that their mother can attempt to achieve some sort of fail!sympathy.
intrepid00 0
Darwin is disapointed.
ohnoyouDINT 0
So....did the volcano work?
Just_Spiffy 0
:D I was wondering when someone would actually ask that!
11bellacasey 0
wow u sound like an abusive parent
maisie2 0
This is one of the first stories I've seen from Australia. I'm embarrassed about the manner you speak about your son and what that implies about our country. Have a little respesct for the little person you are molding.
Gunpar 0
I love all the comments saying that you deserved it for the simple reason that you called him an idiot instead of the actual FML. FYL.
timtam24 0
... karma ...
Gunpar 0
Boohoo.
iGreen_Day 0
YDI for raising an idiot son.
PurpleHaze23 0
FYL but don't call your son an idiot. He sounds like he's too young to have known any better anyway.
Marie_Murder 0
holy ****. I would be so pissed if my parent called me an idiot. just saying O.o
chemist1 0
HA! Did poison control tell you that you did NOT need to call them? HA! Nothing bad would of happened! Just a lot of burps! LOL! FYL
chocogatto12 3
Not if the kid was young enough. Baking Soda can be really harmful and cause stomach bleeding. Why do you then they tell you to not swallow toothpaste?