Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
LazyDaze82 9
Idiot son? Don't you mean bad parant? Any parent or responsible adult knows to keep dangerous materials and chemicals out of reach of children, you should have had that stuff in a high cupboard or in a locked shed. He could have died and you call him an idiot because you never taught him what was dangerous, I mean wow!
Lillith_fml 5
ummm, no, you cant die because of ingesting baking soda, unless you have some metabolic/respiratory disturbances
WonderBlunder 0
Parents who call their children "idiots" should get some parenting books.
sheilatothemoon_ 0
hahahah, great parenting
Fop 6
YDI for calling your son an idiot.
shinyred 0
Your son isn't an idiot. He understands that baking soda has that kind of reaction but since he's little (I'm assuming this based off of the use of the word tummy) he doesn't fully understand. This is perfectly normal! Kids get into things, my brother ate poisonous mushrooms from the yard, I ate a bottle of baby apsrine and we are not idiots! So cut your kid some slack because he is just being a normal kid who actually sounds intelligent for his reasoning behind consuming baking soda.
Fop 6
#23, You're the idiot here, you're hardly literate.
palmtrees 1
you beat me to it haha
DotDootyDot 17
Seriously, if you are able to call your own flesh and blood "idiot" just because he did something like that, YOU are an even bigger idiot. Wtf? I doubt you've never done anything during your childhood. And be a better parent to that kid, you moron.
thedonkeh 0
yea! i agree with #30. not cool, man :/
sireen 0
you're calling him an idiot but.... where the he'll were you when this happened?
portable_chicken 0
blunt? Oh come on. Are you saying that australians arn't as 'polite' as americans? bullshit! Ok then, what would you call your child if they ate baking soda. Unless your a freaking saint i doubt you would be calm with them.
Jimboom 12
Well.. you know what they say about the apple never falling very far from the tree. ;-)