Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML
Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML
Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, my nephew asked me to help build his science fair volcano. I got too invested in making it realistic and used way too much baking soda and vinegar. The eruption shot across the kitchen, hit the ceiling, and dripped red food coloring down the walls while my sister stared at me in annoyed shock. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML
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Top comments
midget_chinese 0
he's not too far off the truth :P
DirtyDiana_fml 0
woah only 1 comment? but idiot is harsh.
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Comments (341)
Bedford_Sparkz 0
One the kid doesnt know what hes doing because not many kids do that... second the mum might have been in the garden or in the living room, i think the kid is 8+ because how would he know that baking powder can make a big fizz, i learned at 9 that that happens, give the woman a break!
NobodyUKnow 0
IF HIS IDIOT MOTHER WOULD HAVE BEEN WATCHING HIM, MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, HE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN IN INGESTING THINGS HE'S NOT SUPOSED TO. YDI FOR BEING A SHITTY MOM AND NOT WATCHING YOUR KID!
saunder 0
yea idiot sons mostly came from idiot parents :P
acoustichippie06 0
YDI because obviously it's a young kid because only kids under 10 would say tummy and that doesn't make him an idiot. You're the idiot for not teaching your son.
Ashleigh_85 0
They are from Australia, the word Idiot is thrown around a lot over here.
timtam24 0
Yeah, but we don't call are family members/ friends idiots unless it's a joke or something. This lady's a bitch and her son probably did it to try and get away from her. YDI
Ashleigh_85 0
how do you know that this lady is a bitch ?? it is very hard to tell if she was joking or being serious when it is just words on a computer screen.
BlahBlahBlahpoop 0
ive never heard a mother call her son/daughter an idiot before ever unless they were horrible parents
aback 5
God, you're a bitch. Did you think kids are born automatically knowing everything?
jillie_fml 0
If your son is an idiot it can only be your fault, because you're a f'n moron
triplethreat13 0
your son is not an idiot. he's creative. you're an idiot for calling your young child an idiot.
adventurepaws 0
What kind of parent calls their child and idiot? seriously. You don't deserve kids if youre going to call them crap like that.
chels070809 0
As far as I'm concerned, you don't deserve that "idiot" son. Do us all a favor and get your tubes tied. F your poor son's life for having to deal with a mother who would call her own son an idiot. Thank God for Defax.
Bedford_Sparkz 0
Thats harsh