Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia... - FML

By bouncekitty - 20/2/2011 17:04 - United States

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

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In my day…

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By neverdatingagain - 27/11/2016 22:07 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, after three years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed. To my best friend. FML

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By anon - 9/11/2016 20:54 - United States - Laurel

Today, my boyfriend sent me an article about how smelling farts can reduce dementia then added, "You're welcome." FML

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By eringoBRA - 6/5/2011 14:07 - United States

Today, I walked out of my house, waved at my neighbors, walked through my front yard and into the side yard to turn off the sprinkler. It wasn't until I was back into the house that I remembered I wasn't wearing a top. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

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By angrystudent - 7/3/2016 22:47 - United States - Franklin

Today, I spent all day doing a project for myself and then for a friend who's sick. Turned out it was a prank everyone in the class was pulling on me. I missed a baseball game because of it. FML

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By - 29/1/2019 14:00 - Germany - Bad Frankenhausen

Today, I asked my Mom to buy me new shorts. She bought fluffy bubble shorts. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2019 06:44

Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML

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By brileyyyy - 12/1/2010 03:40 - United States

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2010 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

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By mcullen21 - 12/6/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 02:12 - Canada

Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2017 13:00

Today, my husband ate several slices of pizza and one whole ghost pepper. He then threw up all over the living room, hallway, and pile of dirty clothes in the bathroom before going directly to bed. I had to clean it up. FML

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By idontevenlikehamsters - 8/4/2013 00:00 - United States - Manassas

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

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By socialdisease - 22/8/2011 15:58 - United States

Today, my house got egged. Why? As a joke, my friend bought me a doormat that says, "A Canadian Lives Here." I'm Canadian. FML

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By rachlette - 17/4/2015 21:47 - United States - Seattle

Today, I coughed so hard that I fractured two ribs. FML

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By Saradee - 24/12/2012 04:55 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

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By daenerys stromboli - 28/12/2013 18:11 - Ireland - Navan

Today, my parents started fighting at a restaurant. Embarrassed, I went to the restroom to get away and stayed in there for about 15 minutes, knowing how long their fights can last. When I came back, they were gone. They'd ditched me, and left me to walk several miles back home. FML

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By hard_headed - 10/9/2010 10:02 - United States

Today, at work, I leaned back in a chair too far, causing me to tip over and smash my head into a wall. If that wasn't enough damage, my boss keeps replaying the security footage to everyone I work with. My head hurts not from the fall, but the loud laughter that keeps coming from inside the office. FML

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By Phil - 21/12/2008 12:14 - France

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2016 19:44 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss - whose intelligence level hovers a hair above "Herpity derpity derp" - got up my ass and accused me of lying to him. All because I said that just because I'm a network admin, I can't make his 7 year old piece of crap Blackberry magically be able to use 4G networks. FML

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By Emily - 3/8/2010 23:54 - United States

Today, my best friend who I've known since high school is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past 7 months. FML

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By cande - 1/12/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

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By 0stvn0 - 16/3/2012 01:18 - Canada

Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML

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By erockinthesuburb - 19/2/2013 01:49 - United States

Today, I purchased a box of girl scout cookies from a coworker. I wanted to save them for later at home, so I placed them on my desk and then headed to a meeting. When I returned, there was an empty box sitting there with a post-it note saying, "Thanks!" Nobody will own up to it. FML

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By saywhat - 9/4/2013 11:05 - United States - Yakima

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text telling me to turn the radio on to a certain station. When I did, there was a talk show on, and the host was ranting about how important it is for women to control themselves and not be emotional. My boyfriend continued texting me, asking if I was listening. FML

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By anonymous - 5/4/2012 21:53 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2018 14:30

Today, based on recent x-rays, I have the right knee of a 60-year-old, the left knee of a 70-year-old, and the right hip joint of a 100-year-old who's been dead for 15 years. I'm only 19 years old and my doctor says I'm gonna need two walking sticks by the time I'm 25. FML

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By tuppu - 3/11/2010 14:35 - Finland

Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2013 20:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML

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By truecountrybitch - 9/5/2020 23:00

Anger management

Today, my boyfriend got frustrated trying to take my entertainment center into the basement, for the kids' game room. It didn't fit, thanks to the horrible design of the house, so he Spartan-kicked it down, breaking it into 15 pieces. FML

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By ticked - 6/10/2009 13:01 - Pakistan

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2013 21:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after spending months learning Chinese, selling my house and everything I own for my big transfer to Hong Kong, my boss decided I should instead go to our other branch across town. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2019 14:00

Alas, poor Mickey

Today, I'm going to a cocktail event, except my dress is wrinkled and can't be ironed, so I got my steam cleaner from storage. I saw what looked like mold inside the water container. Turns out a mouse had got into the water container, drowned and started to decompose. My apartment now smells like death and my dress is still wrinkled. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2011 02:20

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

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By Whoops - 22/1/2013 19:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a haircut. The lady accusingly told me she'd have to thoroughly wash my hair before she started, as it was way too greasy to cut through. FML

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By OhaiiKid - 7/3/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

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By Watchingmyfigure - 6/12/2016 17:55 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/1/2016 19:43 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my husband when we heard a baby coo. This would have been adorable, if we had a baby. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2011 13:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

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Top comments

By Privations_fml | 0

#2104665 - Monday 21 February 2011 0:35

"Well, the surgery took a little less than an hour overall"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" *rrrrriiiipppppp*

You'll have a funny story to tell!

By afdude87 | 6

#2104509 - Monday 21 February 2011 0:11

youve never had surgery have you? youre not very rational and definitely out of it. tool.

COMMENTS

By Lennsik | 4

#2104453 - Monday 21 February 2011 0:00

Well that's going to be a mouthful to explain to your friends.

Reply

flyinpogosticker | 0

#2110758 - Tuesday 22 February 2011 9:53

oranges

Reply

skyler_kitttyyy | 0

#2242681 - Saturday 26 March 2011 3:29

Aww dude I am sorry feel better I got my wisdom teeth out today;(

By chingao | 4

#2104457 - Monday 21 February 2011 0:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

burriedinskin | 0

#2104506 - Monday 21 February 2011 0:10

They where probably loopy from drugs:P

Reply

afdude87 | 6

#2104509 - Monday 21 February 2011 0:11

youve never had surgery have you? youre not very rational and definitely out of it. tool.

By afdude87 | 6

#2104504 - Monday 21 February 2011 0:09

yeah coming out of anesthesia is always fun. sucks you ripped em, but at least you probably didnt feel it. lol

By xNikkiez | 0

#2104596 - Monday 21 February 2011 0:21

Oww.....I got surgery on my canine teeth because they were pushing forward, they bled non-stop and had to go to the hospital because my soup I was eating melted my stitches. FYL

By Privations_fml | 0

#2104665 - Monday 21 February 2011 0:35

"Well, the surgery took a little less than an hour overall"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" *rrrrriiiipppppp*

You'll have a funny story to tell!

By Eerrrh | 0

#2104715 - Monday 21 February 2011 0:46

It's just a flesh wound!

By rattusrattus | 18

#2104767 - Monday 21 February 2011 1:02

Stitches...?

By Adailin | 0

#2105452 - Monday 21 February 2011 1:49

Why would you think "a little less than an hour" is so funny ??

Reply

ohhoho | 2

#2105500 - Monday 21 February 2011 2:09

Nitrous Oxide aka "Laughing gas". Commonly used for surgical dental procedures.

Reply

krazy_glu3 | 0

#2105710 - Monday 21 February 2011 3:19

if you've ever had laughing gas you'll understand. I remember laughing thru-out them pulling out two teeth cause it felt funny when I breathed in. that stuff is fun though.

By beocA | 3

#2105506 - Monday 21 February 2011 2:10

oh well... just means more pain killers.

Reply

Notorias | 4

#2106107 - Monday 21 February 2011 5:50

lol fuck uea

By tyler5713084 | 0

#2105607 - Monday 21 February 2011 2:45

I recently had all 4 of mine removed and I also found everything funny but instead of ripping the stiches I fell over. So it could've been worse for u