Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I have accidentally encountered my parents having "sexy time" four times in the past week. I'm an adult. My parents are in their fifties. Their bedroom door doesn't fully shut, so I always get an unpleasant glimpse when I walk past, occasionally punctuated by my mom's pleasured moaning. Kill me now. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I accidentally sent a screenshot of my Tinder conversation to my mom, instead of my friend. Yes, it was dirty. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
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Top comments
MetallicaRules19 4
"ILL KILL YOU AND EAT YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD, if you dont tell me
weemcgreeger 1
no one tell him
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Comments (138)
NeonAgatha 0
lol xD
hottie2hottie 0
aquward... :p
Mauskau 36
awkward*
Guapito91 0
It sounds better aquward...
hottie2hottie 0
haha thanks :)
evillittleme 5
ROFL!!
zemo999 0
A nymph is someone that can't say no to sex....everyone know now? lol
like_its_ya_bday 0
lol damn I didn't know either but I looked at the comments goshes
paragod535 0
Ummm the next person that's asks for the love of god read the previous comments since your to dumb to use google.
ALindsey 0
Why would people ask for "the love of god" on FML?
mcsquanch 0
damn gurl call me! ;)
perdix 31
Your mom's admission was no accident. She was just trying to prevent you from making Daddy another notch in your bedpost. Unless you are the rare nympho who cares about quality as much as quantity, the fact that he possesses a penis means that incest is inevitable, regardless of whether it is tiny or he uses it poorly. Nice try, Mom.
cole86 0
^^ as usual, win
doctorr_fml 9
lol perdix. ur replies always make me laugh. do inciteful.
sourgirl101 29
There's a difference in being a nymphomaniac and just liking to F@$#. That diagnosis can easily destroy your life if not treated. I know someone that has that problem. (She's super beauiful.) Just unable to keep a relationship. The fear of her cheating on them is too great. And ofcourse something she says she's unable to control. So sad.
perdix 31
Phone number or it's fake. I just have to verify the truthfulness of some of the claims here. You know, for the protection of the readers of FML, of course.
sourgirl101 29
1(800)***-HOES-S leave the last S out for savings.
RedPillSucks 33
So she has nymphomania and oral diarrhea (not sure what the medical term is loquaciousareah )?
lana1316 0
wow nice convo
IsntThisAwkward 0
LOL
TomasT 0
So, what are you doing Saturday?
perdix 31
6 different guys. During the week, she'll probably rack up about a dozen. Are you asking to get Sloppy Nineteeths? Just counted on a weekly basis?
muhamad92 1
Just have to take whatever the world throws at you my friend.