Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/2/2014 22:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

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Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

DINOSAURS!!

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Bitch - 26/5/2019 00:02

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I was cheating on him. Surprised, I replied "No, Tim, of course not!" This might have been more convincing if I'd called my boyfriend by his own name, instead of the name of the guy I'm cheating on him with. FML

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By Remy - 16/11/2013 23:39 - United States - Portland

Today, I was offered a job that pays far more than I expected, being a high school senior. My parents decided they aren't letting me take the job, saying I should enjoy my childhood. They're also not paying for my college, which is why I was looking for work in the first place. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft. FML

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By unluckylassy - 28/11/2013 00:01 - Ireland

Today, after moving miles to be with my boyfriend, I logged onto his computer just in time to see his other girlfriend had sent naked pictures. FML

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By chew toy - 25/5/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2011 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2016 16:19 - United States - South Sioux City

Today, my teacher marked a test question wrong, even though I was sure I got it right, so I went online to check. I found a government-approved website showing proof that my answer was correct. My teacher still counted it wrong, because, "we follow the book". That book's older than I am. FML

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By NotSoYoung - 17/6/2009 16:35 - Canada

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

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By sighoutloud - 16/10/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML

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By comeuntome - 29/11/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

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By JohnFarrell - 24/4/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

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By kaybear13 - 5/8/2015 08:39 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I got written up because apparently leaning on the counter at work is unprofessional, even if you're about to pass out and the counter is the only thing keeping you on your feet. FML

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By badtiming - 15/9/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML

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By Awesome. - 15/9/2011 02:35 - United States

Today, my mom admitted that she always makes me put away the dishes because my obsessive compulsive tendencies force me to arrange the glasses and silverware by size, just the way she likes them. FML

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By Guilpie - 29/1/2017 16:00 - Germany - Heidelberg

Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML

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By fishfloors - 21/4/2017 14:00

Today, I finally broke down and paid someone to clean my condo. Sometime after she finished, my cat threw up. Then my roomba went off, smearing regurgitated mackerel all over the freshly washed floors. There goes $150. FML

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By sfabsits - 17/7/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

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By HylianFox - 27/1/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, my parents had a long discussion on whether a cut on my arm looked like a vagina. FML

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By fallen - 15/5/2017 16:00 - United States - Merion Station

Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML

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By vixenscars - 19/1/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

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By jeremyr5678 - 18/7/2016 23:02

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2015 12:36 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

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By hatemydentist - 18/11/2014 17:45 - Canada - Toronto

Today, it was the fourth time I've had major dental work done, because my dentist messed up my root canal. After almost a dozen needles, three missed work days, over $1,000, and 2 broken tools, I only have a tiny, barely-successful filling to show for it. FML

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By yourwifelovesme - 4/6/2019 12:00

Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 15:16 - Canada

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me by finding orange panties in my closet. His excuse was "they're a Christmas gift." Thanks honey, I get panties that won't fit, and have little brown streaks. FML

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By FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

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By koanroak - 22/6/2015 03:08 - United States - Carrollton

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

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By anonymous - 26/1/2010 12:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my Muay Thai class. We were doing a combination which consisted of a low kick, body kick and head kick. My partner had already done the low kick so I held the pads for the body kick. He kicked me straight in the jaw. I'm a teenage girl and he's a fully grown man. FML

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By PickedOff - 27/4/2012 08:22 - United States

Far out, man

Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

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By Deadpool - 16/7/2019 21:11 - United States - Weaverville

Today, it appears that the cousin who burglarized my house and threatened to kill my wife, daughter and I during a meth binge is more welcome at a family reunion than we are. We were assured last year by family that this wouldn't happen, because we are "good people who have wronged no one." FML

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By em - 3/6/2009 06:50 - United States

Today, I was working and some woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML

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By Fuckedupmom - 23/8/2018 13:00

Ghost Shoes

Today, my 3-year-old daughter has been crying non-stop for an hour because she wants to take off her black shoes. She's not wearing any. FML

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By psychopumpkin - 13/5/2013 14:16 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

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By Username - 14/7/2011 20:09 - United States

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

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By zazzleface - 9/4/2012 12:23 - United States - Bergenfield

Today, my mom was in the kitchen when her shirt caught on fire. Acting quickly, I poured my glass of water on her. Instead of thanking me, she yelled at me for making a mess. FML

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By brown and sticky - 16/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Baltimore

Food poisoning

Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2014 02:43 - United States - Canyon

Today, my boyfriend decided it was time to spice up our sex life. He now watches Sons Of Anarchy when we have sex. FML

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By Soakedandbroke - 26/1/2016 17:05 - United States - Houston

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2016 02:51 - United States - Mission

Today, I was talking to one of my supervisors at my new job. He asked if I knew a professor at the school I recently graduated from, and I decided to babble on about how shitty of a professor he was and how much I loathed his class. He then looked at me and said, "That's my dad." FML

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Top comments

By Beansforbill | 14

#5854595 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:58

The odds of him impersonating Sylvester the cat are much lower than him having a speech impediment ..

By DenBriZel | 31

#5854568 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:47

FYL for the mixup OP but next time id be a bit more careful on how you ask about it.

Comments

By DenBriZel | 31

#5854568 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:47

FYL for the mixup OP but next time id be a bit more careful on how you ask about it.

Reply

_iquitlife_ | 10

#5854607 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 6:08

I wouldn't make jokes about people's speech unless you know them just for future reference
bn

Reply

michaelaranda | 28

#5854671 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 7:29

I dont agree. I think that it was okay for OP to joke around with her boss.

But I think OP would be in the wrong if she didnt explain herself and apologize, as it is quide rude to make fun of the way someone speaks.

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5854700 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 8:33

joking with your boss is certainly OK. making fun of anyone is not.

Reply

TheMathMajor | 26

#5855165 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 20:56

The thing is, though, that OP wasn't making fun of a speech impediment, she thought her boss was imitating a cartoon and joking with her. She doesn't deserve it because the thought that her boss might have a speech impediment didn't cross her mind.

Reply

That_Ginger | 18

#5855259 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 23:46

67- Ignorance isn't a defense.

Reply

reneetlovesyou | 30

#5855373 - Wednesday 12 February 2014 2:18

I don't get why he would impersonate anything during a speech. Especially if he's new.

By Black_Fang_ | 6

#5854569 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:47

Well as long as you apologized afterwords

Reply

Ambient25 | 24

#5854784 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 12:01

If her boss didn't know he sounded like Sylvester before, he does now....

Reply

pinkster2014 | 25

#5855479 - Wednesday 12 February 2014 3:37

...afterwards...

Reply

LadySalazara | 6

#5857088 - Thursday 13 February 2014 17:24

There's always a time and a place for distasteful jokes

By mata2 | 7

#5854571 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:48

Next time don't be an ass

Reply

Peachy2392 | 26

#5854582 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:51

I don't think he was being an ass if he didn't know. He should just apologize and hope his boss is forgiving.

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5854701 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 8:34

if you don't know you should keep your goddamn mouth shut instead of making fun of someone.

Reply

littlekellilee | 45

#5854921 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 15:55

OP could have looked around to see if anyone else in the room was laughing. If no one was, it's likely it wasn't a joke.

Reply

TheMathMajor | 26

#5855168 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 20:59

She wasn't making fun of anyone, though.

Reply

xThatOneWeirdGuy | 18

#5855257 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 23:39

How was he being an ass if he didn't know? Learn to either read or reason. Jesus.

By tigerisabelle | 31

#5854572 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:48

Why would he be impersonating Sylvester? FYL OP, it was an honest mistake, but it's better to assume they have an speech impediment than to not; you can laugh about one, but be extremely embarrassed about the other.

By ElricMustang | 23

#5854573 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:49

YDI since you didn't know if it was real or not. I don't see why your new boss would do something like that, anyway.

Reply

SarahSehhati | 40

#5854668 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 7:28

Maybe he thought he was trying to lighten up the mood of a new boss being present?

By koalabear_55 | 11

#5854575 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:49

FYL OP, you gotta be careful what you say :/ it was an honest mistake, hopefully he can move past that incident. If not GL OP

By Tember12 | 11

#5854585 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:53

People get offended so easily. Just watch it.

Reply

arandomusernameaa | 20

#5854699 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 8:32

People with speach impediments are often extremely self conscience of how they sound. .. It is understandable that he got offended when OP pointed it out

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#5855090 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 19:35

yes people offend easily. especially if you make fun of their disability.

what if I said "HAHA are you two wearing sunglasses because you're blind??? you'd *HAVE* to be. no seeing person would be with either of you hahaha"

Reply

dachayke | 16

#5855144 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 20:31

^ fail at being offensive.

By joeyl2008 | 29

#5854588 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:54

Maybe you should think before you make an ass of yourself.

By MisterDoge | 14

#5854592 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:56

Dont sweat the small things. Just apologize and live on. No way you could have know beforehand and he probably has had it happen before.

Reply

whatwhyhoo | 10

#5854602 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 6:04

Exactly, there is no way to know before hand so why assume anything.
YDI op.

By crazytwinsmom | 25

#5854593 - Tuesday 11 February 2014 5:56

You have to be careful with a new boss until you know things like that.