Animals: Today, I had a near-death experience. Went to print a document...

By Canonlizardjet - 13/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I had a near-death experience. Went to print a document and a lizard shot out of the printer right out at me. Gives a whole new meaning to a Canon printer, a fricking lizard Canon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 571

You deserved it 588

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Same thing different taste

I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

By lizardhater - 12/03/2020 22:09 - Singapore

Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 269

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 20:44 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 624

You deserved it 8 869

Spooked

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 05:08

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a makeshift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 791

You deserved it 6 770

By LP - 16/02/2015 03:25 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at work copying some papers. The copier is below a shelf with lots of paper and signage, which suddenly flew off the hinge and hit me in the head as well as the copier. My boss ran in, asking, "Is the copier okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 618

You deserved it 2 378

By OhaiiKid - 07/03/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 480

You deserved it 26 051

By Anonymous - 17/03/2017 19:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, something in my shoe was bothering me at work. After about 30 minutes, I finally had a chance to fix it. There was a squashed lizard in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 900

You deserved it 524

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 12:00

Today, I used a blanket outside for a picnic. Later, while throwing it in the washer, I noticed a lizard jump out to land inbetween the bowl and the side. Then I noticed a wasp had joined it. I'm scared to open my washer now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 050

You deserved it 597

By bad luck Bianca - 17/01/2015 22:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 838

You deserved it 10 193

By Anonymous - 03/09/2013 19:50 - United States

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 396

You deserved it 3 125

By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 17:11 - Germany

Today, as I passed a printout over my shoulder to my mum, I managed to give myself a papercut on my tear duct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 649

You deserved it 2 684

foolest 7

Monday 13 February 2017 14:33

geico's new advertising tactics are amazing

eaglerob 20

Monday 13 February 2017 15:00

Canon's new 3D printer...almost too good

Comments

el_Jeffe_D 11

Sunday 12 February 2017 8:51

Congrats, OP! I literally laughed out loud :-)

Turbuggy 7

Tuesday 14 February 2017 4:28

Me too!

foolest 7

Monday 13 February 2017 14:33

geico's new advertising tactics are amazing

extremereviews 26

Monday 13 February 2017 14:59

Only in Florida

nonsensical 26

Monday 13 February 2017 18:56

The animals and people in Florida are all crazy

eaglerob 20

Monday 13 February 2017 15:00

Canon's new 3D printer...almost too good

Thor1012 28

Monday 13 February 2017 15:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Scorpio1691 29

Monday 13 February 2017 16:26

Their new website is buggy as hell too. and the video pop ups when you submit a coment are damn annoying. Ordinarily i am for change, but this is bad.

Starlight8 14

Monday 13 February 2017 18:38

Me too! I can't barely use this. Lately I haven't been on because of that.

rivenrock 14

Monday 13 February 2017 20:01

It cost me about $1.49 to get rid of the adds. I'm not experiencing any of what you describe. Might be worth the tiny investment.

Dominus101 20

Monday 13 February 2017 15:26

Finish Him !!! Reptile Wins !

Scorpio1691 29

Monday 13 February 2017 16:07

I had not properly laughed at a FML in ages. Thank you!

RichardPencil 30

Monday 13 February 2017 16:58

And I'll bet they gave you one of those cheap-ass "starter" cartridges that has hardly any lizards in it, and then you immediately have to go buy a real one with the proper number of reptiles.