Today, after climbing 5 flights of stairs I walked into the restroom to take a piss. I was winded but trying to keep my heavy breathing to a minimum. My plan failed when I almost fainted inbetween two guys at the urinal and started gasping for air. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I had to take a serious piss. I started urinating and leaned back slightly on my heels. Somehow I lost my balance and fell backward, hitting my head on the wall behind me and spraying myself and my entire bathroom with my own pee. FML
Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML
Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML
Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML
Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. On my way home, my legs gave out halfway up the stairs to my apartment, and I had to awkwardly sit there until I could crawl the rest of the way up. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML
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Top comments
yes31601 16
They probably think you REALLY had to go
Cynical_1 26
Maybe you should stick to the elevator.
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Comments (10)
yes31601 16
They probably think you REALLY had to go
RichardPencil 32
With your breathing, they probably thought you were jerking off.
Cynical_1 26
Maybe you should stick to the elevator.
Catdragon 40
Watch Another
heftysmash253 6
Sounds like you're piss out of shape
heftysmash253 6
Sounds like you're in pissy shape
MissMizery 19
Piss before climbing 5 flights of stairs???
Cali 57
Less weight to haul up the steps... I like how you think.
Qandol 26
I think it's time to hit the Gym, hiking trails, if you can't do 5 floor, it seems a very unhealthy lifestyle. Start doing a little hiking, jogging, and running or gym, one step at the time. By the end of the year, 5 flights of stairs to 50 flights of stairs won't be enough for you:) good luck!
Viewerv 2
Time to work on cardio! I recommend swimming. Great on joints and good for lungs!