Animals: Australia? Australia.

Australia? Australia.

By ReptillianFreeloader - 13/02/2017 11:00 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I had to chase off the Eastern Brown snake that's been hanging around. When it doubled back, I fell over trying to move out of its way and landed in a bush that contained 3 separate wasp nests. My body feels like it is on fire and the snake is now in my chook shed, refusing to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 199

You deserved it 659

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Same thing different taste

Those pesky little *****

By Anonymous - 28/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was stung by a red wasp. While my husband heroically killed it, I, the person terrified of wasps after being swarmed as a child, collapsed, sobbed, screamed, and almost vomited from sheer terror. Give me snakes, spiders, insects galore and I am fine. Single flying asshole of doom and I turn into a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 165

By drewB - 12/08/2019 10:00 - United States

Today, it was my first day being home after doing a 4 and a half month hike through the Appalachian Trail. This evening, I stepped out my front door and directly onto a copperhead snake. It thought my leg was tasty, and I went to the ER for the first time in over 20+ years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 150

Lurker

By Katie - 20/02/2011 08:35 - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 068

You deserved it 3 101

By anonymous - 25/06/2016 20:03 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was taking a hike through the Appalachians. I lost my balance in a steep area, and grabbed for a root along the trail above me. It turned to not be a root, but a large, angry snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 537

You deserved it 947

By life_sucks - 16/01/2010 18:46 - New Zealand

Today, this huge wasp started flying around me. I freaked out and started running from it. Then I slipped, landed face-first in some dog poo, and got stung by the wasp on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 027

You deserved it 7 526

Ouchies

By Anonymous - 04/10/2015 23:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was stung by a wasp. Startled, I stumbled and grabbed a nearby tree branch to regain my balance. The branch happened to be the location of the wasp's nest, which fell to the ground and split open. The wasps weren't happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 317

You deserved it 1 959

By Ouchmybum - 03/11/2018 12:00

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 570

You deserved it 239

By Anonymous - 22/05/2009 14:08 - United States

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 486

You deserved it 13 953

By Kira - 24/04/2015 17:09 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 922

You deserved it 13 578

Sleep well?

By Karen - 29/08/2022 16:00

Today, there was a wasp tangled in my bed sheets. I found this out when I rolled over it in my sleep, and it stung me on the lower back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 74

Halfass 8

Monday 13 February 2017 2:06

This FML sounded like a bible story.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 13 February 2017 2:14

Just lock your WiFi with a password and the snake will leave soon enough. Freeloaders!

Comments

jessebelle0714 16

Monday 13 February 2017 2:03

Chook shed?

chocolateteacup 25

Monday 13 February 2017 2:22

Aussie for chicken

Nicoleu 17

Monday 13 February 2017 4:28

Chicken coup. I love Aussie slang, no one can understand us

crazyoliversmum 6

Monday 13 February 2017 5:07

Chook = chicken

rebeccabyram 15

Monday 13 February 2017 7:32

Chicken shed

DarianM 18

Monday 13 February 2017 11:39

Pretty much a chicken coop, somewhere where the chickens lay eggs ect

aussiebloke4578 11

Monday 13 February 2017 14:41

Chicken, mate. Try and keep up

thelittlem 15

Monday 13 February 2017 16:27

it's australian for chicken coop

rebeccabyram 15

Monday 13 February 2017 17:03

chicken coop

finatix 15

Monday 13 February 2017 19:25

A chicken coop.

a_sales 12

Monday 13 February 2017 19:51

Chicken shed

novdestiny 23

Tuesday 14 February 2017 5:18

translating for non-Aussies: The enclosure where OPs chickens live

lolen29 2

Wednesday 15 February 2017 8:20

chicken coop

Twisted_Angel 17

Friday 17 February 2017 14:32

Chicken coop

cantg3taus3rnam3 5

Wednesday 22 February 2017 15:51

chook is australian slang for chicken

Halfass 8

Monday 13 February 2017 2:06

This FML sounded like a bible story.

ralphnader 13

Monday 13 February 2017 2:12

Burn it all to the ground imo.

Calingaladha 21

Monday 13 February 2017 2:13

I guess it's better than being bitten by the brown.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 13 February 2017 2:14

Just lock your WiFi with a password and the snake will leave soon enough. Freeloaders!

Ladisa 28

Monday 13 February 2017 2:20

Straya.

hopsternak 13

Monday 13 February 2017 2:28

this should go in the Australian travel/vacation brochures

jcash52426 5

Monday 13 February 2017 2:34

That snake has you whipped so it looks like you got yourself a new outdoor pet.

bozorozo 4

Monday 13 February 2017 4:54

It says "Australia" underneath like we didn't already know

itssnotfunny 24

Monday 13 February 2017 5:07

When I read this I was like "this sounds like its from Australia." Then I looked back at where it was from, which is Australia. Nice

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 069

You deserved it 410

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 539

You deserved it 51 165

The Top

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 492

You deserved it 53 040

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 688

You deserved it 43 249

Today, the novelty of shaving a heart into my pubic hair for my wife vanished, when I woke up to find a collection of scabs around my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 346

You deserved it 15 746

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 352

You deserved it 8 969

Today, I reached for my lip balm while laying in bed in the dark. I accidentally knocked my bedside lamp, and it fell on my hand and shattered. A huge glass fragment impaled my hand. I just got out of surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 160

Today, I met a close friend of my husband's for the first time. She told me it was amazing that I agreed to be in an open marriage, and asked if sex was weird knowing he'd slept with other women. No, the sex wasn't weird, because we're not in an open marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 353

You deserved it 2 603