In on it

Today, my 17-year-old son attempted to rob the bank I work at while I was off shift. FML

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

Today, my sister was on television. It would have been great if she weren't being handcuffed for burglary. FML

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

Wingnut

Today, my son actually tried to get out of being arrested by claiming he was “an agent” and unless they let him go, his employers “from the government” would come looking for him and there would be “consequences”. The officers eventually got their breath back from laughing at him. FML

Dumbass

Today, my son is an idiot, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him a job as a cashier in one of my stores. Within half an hour, I was sent security footage from that store's manager showing my son on his phone, ignoring customers, picking his nose, and stealing money from the till. FML

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML

Parenting in 2021

Today, I found out my son's dad stole his unemployment card and took the money. My son was homeless at the time and using his dad's address for mail. FML

Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML