Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML
Today, feeling ravenous and hungover, I sneakily ate my roommate’s leftover pizza. Halfway through, I realized it wasn’t pizza, it was a frozen waffle with ketchup and cheese they’d left in the box as a trap. I fell for it. FML
Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML
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Top comments
Markovski 18
Should've stole food back..
SlimDanny 15
Thanks for breaking this down for us.
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Comments (71)
joelp232 17
plost twist....your drunk self was eating your food the whole time
brendejafulable 41
I'm pretty positive it's illegal to sabotage someone with laxatives.
Oppression_fml 19
One who sets a trap for his brother falls in it. You deserve it..
kct101 18
I did that to a guy in my class. he kept stealing my food during class and instead of confronting him I put it in the sandwich... he wasn't in class for half an hour, it was great he hasn't taken it since.
rockwrench 18
It's better, as you found out the hard way, to lay the law down to your flatmate.
TamedLotus 3
Looks like you were hoisted by your own petard!
gloriousjohnson 3
I had a buddy that thought it would be hilarious to piss in the orange juice at this house party he was at. later he passed out on the couch and when he woke up in the morning im sure you can guess what the first thing he grabbed to drink was. that is karma in action right there.
Geckosrock99 33
YDI Don't sabotage people's food. Just talk to him/her about the food stealing like an adult.
Nicsb 16
Not that I agree with what they did. But you say "Don't sabotage people's food" as if it was their roommates, not their own.
buckdharma 38
Does Ex- lax deliver in 30 minutes or less too? Was it the Domino's effect?
victrin 12
Dude, the old laxative prank can be quite dangerous. It's a drug, which means it can effect some people's systems differently. Most likely they would've had upset stomachs as intended, but you could have put them in the hospital. That's why this is illegal. Yeah your flatmates take your food, but you tried to poison them.