Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML
Today, feeling ravenous and hungover, I sneakily ate my roommate’s leftover pizza. Halfway through, I realized it wasn’t pizza, it was a frozen waffle with ketchup and cheese they’d left in the box as a trap. I fell for it. FML
Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML
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Top comments
Markovski 18
Should've stole food back..
SlimDanny 15
Thanks for breaking this down for us.
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Comments (71)
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
I understand you are sick of it but it is NEVER ok to prank someone with medicines. That can end up pretty badly for the victim and ultimately for you. Try to solve the situation in a more mature way: demand that he replaces the food he took, maybe lock what doesn't need to be in the fridge. Or simply change flat / flatmate.
aloha_oe 24
I feel your pain OP, I've had my share of food-stealing roommates. Even when you say something to them, they will keep doing it and pretend they didn't do it. Also happens unbelievably often when you don't buy the cheap but the good stuff cause you wanna treat yourself for once.. :(
jadenjacksonm 14
Well, shit.
ajs1987 15
The fact that this was posted in the "intimacy" category brings up a lot of questions.
Qwermy 16
OP said "guess what I had to eat". based on the category, I would guess it was a dick
tanishpradhan 20
Laxatives. Worst idea ever.
wheresmymary 22
Maybe next time just talk to your flat mates
ZombieSazza 34
Doesn't always work. I've spoken to my flatmate time and time again and he just ignores me, pretends he doesn't eat the food or leaves the wrappers on the kitchen worktop with a massive mess. It's a nightmare and it drives me nuts. Some people are judge complete dicks.
santosb1 11
He was like, I've been taking his food all the time, i'll be nice and leave his pizza alone this time :)
meghancuma 14
I think this is called karma
interesting33 37
I thought people only did that in sit-coms :P
LPisLame 16
Well...there's no way in hell you had a hangover. Lol.