Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML
Today, feeling ravenous and hungover, I sneakily ate my roommate’s leftover pizza. Halfway through, I realized it wasn’t pizza, it was a frozen waffle with ketchup and cheese they’d left in the box as a trap. I fell for it. FML
Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML
Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I was so hungry and broke that I resorted to drinking salad dressing. FML
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML
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Top comments
Markovski 18
Should've stole food back..
SlimDanny 15
Thanks for breaking this down for us.
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Comments (71)
LtBrenton 16
Gotta be a YDI from me. After a particularly bad experience with even the recommended dosage of laxative (imagine the Yellowstone supervolcano erupting out of one's rectum for nine hours straight) I wouldn't wish the laxative prank on my worst enemy. It's very, very easy to severely dehydrate in that situation, and if we're talking the usual 'prank dosage' (i.e. an overdose) it can become life threatening very quickly. However I'm sure you experienced that firsthand. tl;dr: enjoy your magma bruh
XXX_Ehunt_XXX 17
karmas a bitch
martin8337 36
Smooth move, ex-lax.
nastya_nastenka 16
Karma x)
jowihaynes 13
stupidity at its finest
emt1463 10
that's shitty
GreekYogurt 26
That was a shit plan....
MidnightRaven963 21
The real question is why is this in the intimacy section?
sallygee 9
I think putting laxatives in someones food could be dangerous. ydi