By Darwin_Award_Winner - 07/06/2012 12:10 - United States - Beaumont

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML
I agree, your life sucks 7 708
You deserved it 36 296

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Hiimhaileypotter 52

It's not normal to shave with a pizza cutter?


Flyersfan54 4

Because he was drunk.. You do dumb shit when you're drunk.

Brings pizza face to a whole new level, doesn't it?

trevino180 4

Who said he was shaving his FACE

I don't drink. I feel srry for those who do. It doesn't make you any cooler. Idc who you are. Also, it makes you look like a complete dumbass if you are drunk. I say Op...this is a sign to stop drinking or at least drink less if you can't stop.

Alwayspullout 7

Oh wow 50, you inspire me... Actually, stfu, no one cares...

Whoever thought getting intoxicated was "fun" must have been dropped as a child.

SW500 13

That's why I prefer being stoned. The thought of cutting it would never cross my mind. Besides, when I'm drunk I tend to fall over more than most people and end up really sore the next morning. I don't particularly like that feeling.

JustDerpin 11

Actually, 50, I feel bad for people who don't spell out the whole word. Can't they just type a few more letters?

Guys! Texas. He was in a drunken state! Apparently, all of texas was drunk. XP (note that's sarcasm back off I'm from Texas too. :P)

aaahhhfire21 0

So 8 or 12 slices of facer-roni?

50 - I don't drink, either. But that's my business. Who cares if you drink or not? And judging by your spelling/grammar/syntax, I highly doubt you're being entirely truthful with us. How wasted were you when you typed that?

fromthesuck 8

The ONLY point where I agree with 50 is that op might take this as a sign to change his habits some. Other than that: you sir... Are an idiot!

tjv3 10

Great you are from my state. Thanks for making the rest of us look bad

Wait... so this ISNT a good idea...? meh, got it out already, too late now..

rockaroths 15

Today, in a drunken state... YDI

50- most people don't do it because it's "cool" some people do it because they like it. eating food doesn't make you any cooler. I guess you should stop.

e.g. Captain Morgan 100, stop texting my ex, kthxbai. :P OR something along the lines of such :D

You have a point there #48 it might not have been his face he was shaving... Imagine if he was trying to shave his pubes with the pizza cutter? O.o

Who said he was trying to be cool? People can't just go out and party?

Hiimhaileypotter 52

It's not normal to shave with a pizza cutter?

Damn straight. Real men use chainsaws.

baddawg365 0

Nope a rusty hack saw is the way to go. Or a dull surgeons scalpel

Just be sure not to cut your pizza with a razor

Dr0reos 8

Just crazy glue your nose back on and walk it off

I wasn't that drunk! Dude. You tried shaving with a pizza cutter...

WearingHats 14

A rusty hatchet and tabasco.

MerrikBarbarian 9

Chain saw? I'd pay to see that! Though probably not enough to cover the ensuing hospital bills...

Obviously not, or it wouldn't be an FML. Or, at least, it would be more like: Today, I got wasted and gave myself a good, close shave with a pizza cutter. Now that I know that I'm a MacGyver style genius when I'm drunk, there's even less motivation to avoid alcoholism. FML Username suggests this behavior is common, and *SPOILER ALERT* that it won't end well.

I would think he would be unable to post anything about it were he really a Darwin Award Winner.

Darwin Awards are awarded to people who lost their ability to reproduce, whether from death or loss of genitalia.

I read the fml wrong and thought OP said they shaved a piece of pizza. My bad

Wait, what? How can... You know what? Never mind. I actually felt myself get dumber trying to rationalise your thought process.

^ and that my good sir is why you don't comment when you're "high as ****," high as hell, yeah that's alright, but when you get in to the "high as ****" zone just watch some south park.

mandadarling 10
xactownife 7

If it worked then why would this be an FML?

sporty1200xlr 6

Shaving while drunk. Never a good idea.

I agree, last time I tried that I cut my ex-boyfriend's balls.

You were drunk for cutting him, or he was drunk for letting you near his balls with a razor?

RedPillSucks 31

You should have shaved his balls with a pizza cutter

25- Sounds like an effective birth control method.

ZAE06 0

if he had any to begin with

73: I'll let you know if it is effective in a couple of months.

outstandtacular 11

Lol! Oh, OP... YDI all day every day and twice on Sunday.

egc573 40

If you're still alive, you're not a Darwin Award winner yet. Damn close, though, if you keep this up.

perdix 29

Did you cut your face into New York-style wedges or Chicago-style squares? I hope you splashed your face with Cheesy Bread when you were done.