Health: Today, I got my medical checkup back. Apparently, I'm diagnosed... - FML

By esk - 18/05/2009 08:48 - China

Today, I got my medical checkup back. Apparently, I'm diagnosed with a liver condition generally found in alcoholics. I've never drank in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 346

You deserved it 3 664

Stop talking!

Good kid

Nice try

By Anonymous - 17/10/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way how easy it is to get on my boss's bad side. We were talking about reality TV shows and I'd mentioned how much I despise Snooki, and how useless to the planet she is. Now I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 183

You deserved it 6 355

Et tu, Brute?

By FML - 10/09/2017 16:00

Today, I returned home from my aunt's funeral abroad to find my boyfriend in bed with my sister, who claimed she was unable to fly due to the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 740

You deserved it 296

By Anonymous - 17/06/2010 22:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 206

You deserved it 15 923

By Joel_mama - 27/07/2009 01:12 - New Zealand

Today, while driving home with my parents. I pretended to be asleep so mum wouldn't talk to me. They then took this time to describe what they were going to do to each other when they got home. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 897

You deserved it 20 713

By gullible - 12/04/2014 16:01 - United States

Today, I found out that the April Fool's Day prank my girlfriend and best friend played on me was not a joke, and that they actually did sleep together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 787

You deserved it 3 922

By Jan - 18/10/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, my mother topped someone's story of their child's problems by saying I'm on drugs. This resulted in people showing up to stage an intervention for me. She made the whole thing up and I've never used drugs, but no one believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 535

You deserved it 2 972

Condom advertisement

By Willow McGarrigle - 30/05/2020 02:00

Today, my ex messaged me, saying he got his new girlfriend pregnant and that he thinks I have something to do with it. He thinks I put it in her head that they should have a kid together, when he says he didn't want any in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 120

By Marie - 27/07/2010 07:46 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, "Daaaamn..." As I passed them, one of them said, "She looked hotter from a distance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 178

You deserved it 5 133

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 19:38 - United Kingdom - Bridgnorth

Today, I came home after working overtime to find my dog whining and giving me her "I need to take a shit" face. After changing my shoes, I came back ready to let her out, only to find her giving me the "I just took a shit on your rug" face. My husband has been home all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 399

You deserved it 8 449

By Anonymous - 10/11/2014 14:28 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 541

You deserved it 5 778

By buttuglyforeveralone :( - 05/07/2013 21:37 - United Kingdom - Treharris

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 434

You deserved it 3 480

By sugar - 18/10/2010 12:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 974

You deserved it 3 325

Family matters

By Anonymous - 14/12/2020 22:58 - United States

Today, I met this girl who's perfect. Turns out, since I'm adopted, she might be my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 84

By Crystal_Nicole - 14/12/2013 05:05 - United States - Wichita

Today, my dog played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 465

You deserved it 7 015

Dodged some bullshit

By Anonymous - 23/05/2019 14:00

Today, I went to get drinks for the first time with a guy I'd been talking to. He drank 4 drinks in the span of 30 minutes, and fell asleep at the table. I went to the bathroom before getting the check, and I came back to find he'd thrown up all over our table. Needless to say, I left without saying a word to him and deleted his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 028

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 840

You deserved it 6 838

By whoops.. - 16/01/2015 03:15 - United States - Garner

Today, I learned that when a man in the row in front of you at a movie theater tells you to shut up, you shouldn't tell him to fuck off. He might be 6'4 with a short temper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 684

You deserved it 49 595

Owl be there for you

By No2ndDate - 01/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I went on a date to an owl sanctuary. Today is also the day I discovered my all-encompassing fear of owls, as I cried and pissed myself in front of my date and 15 other visitors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 901

You deserved it 1 528

By TheComedyAudio - 25/02/2018 01:30

Today, I let my roommate borrow my car to go to the store. Later, I saw a picture on Facebook of my roommate and his buddies with my car saying, "Gone for the weekend!" I work at 8am tomorrow and he won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 429

You deserved it 852

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 969

You deserved it 53 031

By sheWontbeOnMyZombieApocteam - 12/07/2015 19:56 - United States - Killeen

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 035

You deserved it 2 865

By crapules - 23/12/2008 04:18 - France

Today, my boss asked me, "Can I give you some constructive criticism?" I said yes. He told me, "Your work is really shit. You have no talent and I can't figure out why I hired you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 886

You deserved it 3 652

By FUCK - 22/07/2013 18:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 224

You deserved it 10 855

By rj - 12/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Goddard

Spicy

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 381

You deserved it 5 799

By Laptop - 25/05/2010 04:44 - France

Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 657

You deserved it 3 713

By painfulintercourse - 22/11/2010 19:36 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 468

You deserved it 8 345

By WaitingByThePhone - 09/07/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I got excited when my cell phone lit up because I hadn't received a single phone call all day. Turns out it was the "low battery" indicator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 811

You deserved it 11 414

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 16:44 - United States - Rome

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 895

You deserved it 10 867

By bathtime - 21/12/2011 04:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 839

You deserved it 4 189

By Ellencrazee - 13/08/2011 10:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from holiday, only to find my house full of small decomposing animals, courtesy of my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 680

You deserved it 5 248

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 05:10 - United States - Novi

Today, after being married for 20 years, I found out that my wife has accounts on multiple dating sites, "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 914

You deserved it 3 561

By desperate - 05/10/2012 09:47 - Malta - Paola

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 954

You deserved it 5 012

By fuckina - 29/11/2010 17:34 - United States

Today, I was speeding a little on the highway. I thought I saw a police car, so I slammed on my brakes, causing the person behind me to rear end me. The "police car" I saw was just a broken down car on the side of the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 879

You deserved it 49 414

A for Effort

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 20:01 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I thought I would spice things up a bit and rocked my man's world, but in the kitchen. Apparently, some of his cum must have got on the tiles because I slipped on it 15 minutes later. In doing so I smacked my head on the fridge.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 623

By burning balls of fuck this - 25/02/2013 22:30 - United States - Oakton

Today, I locked my keys in my truck. The good news is that I have a spare set in my house. The bad news is that my house key is on the same keyring as my locked-in truck key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 602

You deserved it 9 702

Right in the cussy

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 10:07 - Australia

Today, at work, the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 438

You deserved it 3 229

By Gameless Guy - 24/12/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, I learned just how much change a toddler can stuff in to a Nintendo Wii. I also learned that those things are put together with special screws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 141

You deserved it 4 088

By Anonymous - 06/01/2013 21:35 - Sweden - Staffanstorp

Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years old, with no wife or children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 149

You deserved it 2 373

By Anonymous - 25/10/2013 09:01 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, I worked 24 hours straight fixing my company's servers. After it was over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep at my desk. My boss found me an hour later, refused to listen to me, and fired me for sleeping on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 512

You deserved it 4 649

By merse - 18/02/2010 13:20 - United States

Today, my parents decided they won't pay for college because of a Fox News story that said higher education "makes you liberal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 938

You deserved it 3 131

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Top comments

BlondePsycho 43

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Monday 18 May 2009 20:26

You can get liver problems if you mess around with pills. Same thing happened to my grandpa. Only one in my family who didn't drink a day in his life, but his doctors over-medicated him for a heart condition and he died from liver failure. I'd check any drugs you've been taking.

fatfaceunited 0

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Monday 18 May 2009 20:20

well now is the time to start!!!

Comments

fatfaceunited 0

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Monday 18 May 2009 20:20

well now is the time to start!!!

Send a private message

Friday 25 June 2010 8:07

I'm like sooo hungry. FML

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Wednesday 5 January 2011 19:31

thats why you should start.

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 15:37

sorry to hear that. cirrosise id presume. you could always get a transplant?

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Friday 26 August 2011 22:27

A transplant in China? I would rather risk getting minor surgery from a woman.

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Friday 26 August 2011 22:27

A transplant in China? I would rather risk getting minor surgery from a woman.

Send a private message

Friday 26 August 2011 22:27

A transplant in China? I would rather risk getting minor surgery from a woman.

Send a private message

Friday 26 August 2011 22:27

A transplant in China? I would rather risk getting minor surgery from a woman.

Send a private message

Monday 3 October 2011 0:56

First step in alcoholism is denial!

BlondePsycho 43

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Monday 18 May 2009 20:26

You can get liver problems if you mess around with pills. Same thing happened to my grandpa. Only one in my family who didn't drink a day in his life, but his doctors over-medicated him for a heart condition and he died from liver failure. I'd check any drugs you've been taking.

RosarioRivera 0

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Monday 18 May 2009 20:29

Maybe its a mistake... but if its not FYL.

papertigers_fml 0

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Monday 18 May 2009 20:23

well...generally.

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Monday 18 May 2009 20:33

Medical chart mix-up ftw.

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Monday 18 May 2009 20:33

FYL, Sucks to be you...

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Monday 18 May 2009 20:30

"never drank a day in you life"......or so you think o_O

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Monday 18 May 2009 20:36

Awww damnnn, well I plan never 2 drink :D good on you =) hope they can find a cure to it .

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Monday 18 May 2009 21:00

to no.14 in a fair world maybe... depends what country he/she in i suppose

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Monday 18 May 2009 20:34

f*ck you #2...you're an asshole. Hope there's some cure or treatment. FYL. :(

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 108

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 291