Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
Today, I went out on the porch to smoke a cigarette and then my two year-old son locked me out. I didn't have my cellphone so while I was waiting for my husband to get home, he pooped, smeared his poop all over the floor and glass door, then tried to "mop it." It was literally a shit show. FML
Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML
Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML
Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML
Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML
Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
Today, I spent two hours convincing my 3-year-old son that he can't poop on his 4-month-old brother out of retaliation for the baby pooping on him. He did it anyway. FML
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Top comments
Amburito 0
Woop his ass! That kind of behavior is unacceptable :l
whitesox365 0
You rack disciprine!
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Comments (169)
krakadilian 0
Punch em.
Gil2112 0
Slap the little shit!!
lulzmylife 4
*sigh* And this is why some people shouldn't breed. Congrats on your future axe murderer. I'm sure I'll enjoy paying for his prison time with my tax money.
nateshannon1 4
yeah my dog did that too! all you gotta do is give him a good thwack in the back of the head (or kick him, thats what worked for me) and tell him "NO! bad _____" fill in the blank with a racial slur or a profane name for the full effect.
Spoonz 4
Well, at least it's leather...
wydner31 0
itll only get worse unless you fix it now. he will have trouble making friends with an attitude like that. and thats probably the least of your worries
Alderman55 0
Hahaha your sons a badass!
IPoopedOnU 12
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA u have a very strange son...
lazyysundayys 0
You fail as a parent.
MissPunchYouOut 5
Ik how to fix your kid! GIVE HIM A NICE BURNING OLD FASHION ASS WHOOPIN