Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from...

By ai_lauren - United States - Bayonne

Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML

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Work

Walk on the wild side

Thanks for the miracle

RIP in peace

By myheart75 - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

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By mareecasellafml - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my soon to be 12 year old daughter's birthday. On my break at work I texted her how much I loved her and happy birthday. She replied with, "K, when will you be home? Mom won't let me open presents until you're here." Good to know I'm loved. FML

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By ALL PRAISE TO THE NIGHT MOTHER - United States - East Greenbush

Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML

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By Morrowindwhore - United Kingdom

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

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By GuardOtto - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

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By lauz - Australia

Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

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By forgotten - United Kingdom

Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who I was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as 'some weirdo had walked into her house.' I am that weirdo, she wasn't joking. FML

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By emonsteadman - United States - Denton

Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML

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By suicide - United States

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

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By - 19/1/2020 18:00

Romantic gesture

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

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By pussyface96 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML

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By GetOutOfMyHouseLoser - United States

Today, my unemployed scumbag boyfriend sold a painting I had just bought so he could buy phoney drugs that he told me he had quit. FML

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By JennyPenny - United States - Lawrence

Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

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By MarsMayFall - United States

Today, I was performing for a fairly large crowd with my band. I decided it would look cool to stand on one of the speakers and sing from there. It did look pretty cool for a bit until I tried to step off and fell face-first on the floor mid-song. FML

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By None - United States

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

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By murphy - United States

Today, though I'm normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy. FML

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By Jenna - United States

Today, I was making pudding and accidentally spilt some on the floor. I had no idea until I slipped in it, throwing the bowl of pudding on my head. My mom promised to take me to the hospital as soon as she got a picture. FML

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By ScorpioQueen - United States

Today, I decided not to park in the parking garage on campus, in an attempt to save the $8 it would have cost me. Instead, I parked in a surface lot (about a mile away) and got a $50 parking ticket for not having a permit to park there. FML

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By TheFatOne - United States

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

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By Noah

Today, a friend pointed out to me that I bear a striking resemblance to Anne Frank. I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I'm inclined to agree with him. FML

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By heshay - United States

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

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By oh no - United States - Vallejo

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

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By kenabrookee - United States - Northridge

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

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By fuck my goddamn life - United States

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML

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By pixie09 - United States

Today, I got sentenced to 20 hours community service for having a boy in my room an hour after floor hours. If I don't do the community service, I could get kicked out of the dorm and put on probation at my college. We were breaking up. FML

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By sucks - United States

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

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By No Nip

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

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By tamponmayhem - Canada

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

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By greatdriver...4 - United States

Today, I tried to back out of a spot in a parking garage. I did a 12 point turn, hit the car behind me and still didn't manage to get out of the spot. Everyone was staring at me, and the attendant had to come over and move my car for me. I have to park there every day. FML

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By idkmybffjill? - United States

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

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By wetsheets - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

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By minikat

Today, my parents woke me up and grounded me for the "disrespectful" things I said to them in my sleep. Apparently I say these things every night, and each time I do they extend the grounding. FML

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By fartz - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

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By 00bsg - United States - Salem

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

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By Anonymous

She missed everything

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep 3 min into the 25 min TV show sex that we waited all week to watch together. FML.

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By Iknoweverything - United States - Mankato

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML

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By ugly - United States

Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

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Top comments

By thecouchisalive | 20

#6148375 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:47

They're making a point.

By LifeMD | 14

#6148385 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Hey, at least it's not three rejection letters from three different colleges.

COMMENTS

By thecouchisalive | 20

#6148375 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:47

They're making a point.

hard_candy | 25

#6148423 - Friday 19 December 2014 11:46

they did a pretty good job at it

Murilirum | 23

#6148440 - Friday 19 December 2014 12:26

I was thinking more so playing hard to get... In to.

I'll see myself out, sorry... *door shuts*

niallo | 23

#6148476 - Friday 19 December 2014 14:01

The point is that they Really don't want you. Sorry OP. Don't let it drag you down. There IS one somewhere that wants you.

Nevermind212 | 11

#6148685 - Friday 19 December 2014 20:24

We don't accept you
We don't accept you
We don't fucking accept you

By xxughmylifexx | 15

#6148376 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:50

Dicks

Dave_Davington | 33

#6148377 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:50

Vaginas

jerryj | 27

#6148404 - Friday 19 December 2014 10:58

Asses

A07 | 48

#6148406 - Friday 19 December 2014 11:00

Breasts

hard_candy | 25

#6148424 - Friday 19 December 2014 11:47

balls

GOtllt | 17

#6148468 - Friday 19 December 2014 13:42

Foreskin

quickit | 24

#6148474 - Friday 19 December 2014 13:59

Bacon

ThreeSheetsGone | 12

#6148495 - Friday 19 December 2014 14:32

Squirrels

Roskie | 16

#6148527 - Friday 19 December 2014 15:47

Goose

xleanne_aLly | 23

#6148533 - Friday 19 December 2014 15:59

Chocolate shake

False_Stupidity | 41

#6148739 - Friday 19 December 2014 22:16

Penis

tony1891 | 22

#6148819 - Saturday 20 December 2014 0:55

did Someone say bacon?!

orbit | 22

#6149073 - Saturday 20 December 2014 7:40

Yes but it was just someones bacon perfume

RA91 | 26

#6149233 - Saturday 20 December 2014 15:33

LMAO!!! These replies are priceless!!

aabbccddeeffmmll | 6

#6152637 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 3:46

Ikr

By iop330 | 22

#6148378 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:52

Well you got to love a tricolon.

By ekdfml | 20

#6148379 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:52

that happened to me too. fyl indeed

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6148382 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:55

So not only did you get rejected, but you got rejected by someone with OCD.

stayr4d | 12

#6148451 - Friday 19 December 2014 13:11

Or an idiot.

By underthesea12 | 24

#6148383 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Let's hope it wasn't a community college.

By thevelociraptor | 31

#6148384 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Sorry Op, they were just a little too thorough.

By LifeMD | 14

#6148385 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Hey, at least it's not three rejection letters from three different colleges.

Econforthwin | 15

#6148607 - Friday 19 December 2014 18:18

Very good point, in the end you only lost one.

By anoniemm | 13

#6148388 - Friday 19 December 2014 10:00

Sounds like you've dodged a bomb, seeing as they are so good at math ?

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6148438 - Friday 19 December 2014 12:17

China Illinois is the best at math!

By patrickeli | 15

#6148390 - Friday 19 December 2014 10:00

Way to emphasize bad news