Work: Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from...

By ai_lauren - United States - Bayonne

Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML

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Work

Proactive

The smell detective is on the case

Jonah begs to differ

By Ezzie

Today, I got absolutely hammered and noticed this familiar-looking chick. I walked up to her and said, "Oh my god, I know I know you but I don't know where from." Looking annoyed, she replied, "We've worked together for months." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML

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By poolfail

Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

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By jess - 29/7/2020 20:02

Empathy

Today, my friends were showing me infomercials and laughing at how clumsy and stupid the people were. I could relate to every single one of them. FML

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1091

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By Kurochrome - United States

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

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By Alex - United States

Today, I had to get out my birth certificate to prove to my dad that today is my birthday. This has happened before. FML

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34491

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By Anonymous - United States

Pay up!

Today, while driving on the tollway my car overheated and died a few yards from the toll booth. I then had to wait, crying, in my smoking car for a patrol guy while cars moved around me. He had to push me through the toll and the lady in the booth said she felt sorry for me but still took my $3. FML

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By LuvShawn - United States

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

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By fml - United States

Today, after 3 years at my job I received a 14% raise. I was informed I will be transitioned from hourly to salary. I will now be making $1500 LESS than I made last year. FML

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By ouch - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

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By happyturtle - Croatia

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

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By tman - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

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By wtfiswronghere - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my grandmother insisted that Mexicans sacrifice humans every year as part of their Catholic religion. The Swaggart guy on TV said so, and apparently, he can't be wrong, ever. FML

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19620

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

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30105

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML

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By disappointed - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck in through her window. FML

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By Kortnie Peterman

Today, my boyfriend and I found out my Nuva ring comes out quite easily, especially when he manages to hook it around the tip of his dick. FML

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3153

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By studentdriver828 - United States

Today, I got my drivers license suspended until I am 18 for driving without a license. Where was I driving to? My last day of Drivers Ed. The high school where I take Drivers Ed. classes at is across the street from my house. I gave up 3 years of driving to drive 100 feet. FML

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By Lissa - 13/1/2021 01:58

Start worrying

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn’t have me as a pinned text message thread on his phone. But he definitely has his female best friend pinned. He even has a cute nickname for her. The girl he says, "Not to worry about." FML

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953

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2021 20:01

Long road ahead

Today, I came out to one of my best friends as non-binary, and told him (with their permission) that some of our friends were trans. He told us that we were all idiots and refuses to accept us. We've known him since 3rd grade. FML

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819

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By mustanggt - United States - Utica

Today, I finished a repair on my trailer. About twenty miles down the road, one of the joints gave out and the whole thing broke on the freeway, scattering lumber and splinters everywhere. The traffic cop called me the worst carpenter in the whole state. FML

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By facepalmshroomer - United States

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

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10615

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By DonMare - Australia

Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML

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By elaine - 2/2/2021 21:01 - United States - Denver

Are you a wizard?

Today, I tried to prove a point to my six-year-old son who refuses to drink water from the kitchen sink in favor of from the bathroom faucet. I filled up two cups, one with the kitchen water and another with the bathroom water, thinking he wouldn’t tell the difference. He gagged on the kitchen water. FML

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310

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By eyes wide SHIT - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

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45913

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me that I was the one. Not at this moment though, he wants to see how far he can go with his best female friend. But once he's done with her, we can be together. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Marion

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

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By Bittersweet

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

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By 00bsg - United States - Salem

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

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52996

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By rbeast - United States

Today, my girlfriend's overprotective parents decided that I'm a bad influence on their daughter. I'm a straight A engineering student who openly speaks out against drugs, alcohol, and discrimination. Their reason? Someone told them I dyed my hair black. They think I'm a "closet Nazi". FML

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By yeah_im_mad_bro - Canada

Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend gave me an early wedding present. I opened the box and inside was the most adorable cat I've ever seen! It got scared, jumped out, clawed my face and pissed everywhere. My wedding is tomorrow and I look like Frankenstein's bride. FML

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By failure - United States

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

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32639

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By bullsonyourface

Bread is serious stuff

Today, it's my 6-year anniversary with my fiance, but due to a lot of different family issues, I had to drive 9 hours with my dad to go visit them. Long story short, there was a giant argument about bread, my dad stormed out and I'm left to deal with this shit storm. FML

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1342

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Yuma

Today, after buying hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents, my transmission blew up on the interstate heading home. Now, I either have to return the gifts or not drive over 25. FML

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10216

You deserved it

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By frankfukhergood - Canada

Today, I asked a buddy of mine if he wanted to see a movie. He said he was busy that day, so I decided to go alone. Midway through, the couple behind me is making out and kicking my seat. I turn around, and it's my ex-girlfriend making out with my buddy. FML

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55960

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By awkward - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I witnessed a series of nude old people cycling in the city. I was eating. FML

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By silent one - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27195

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By SydIsPrettyCool - United States

Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML

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Top comments

By thecouchisalive | 20

#6148375 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:47

They're making a point.

By LifeMD | 14

#6148385 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Hey, at least it's not three rejection letters from three different colleges.

COMMENTS

By thecouchisalive | 20

#6148375 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:47

They're making a point.

hard_candy | 25

#6148423 - Friday 19 December 2014 11:46

they did a pretty good job at it

Murilirum | 23

#6148440 - Friday 19 December 2014 12:26

I was thinking more so playing hard to get... In to.

I'll see myself out, sorry... *door shuts*

niallo | 23

#6148476 - Friday 19 December 2014 14:01

The point is that they Really don't want you. Sorry OP. Don't let it drag you down. There IS one somewhere that wants you.

Nevermind212 | 11

#6148685 - Friday 19 December 2014 20:24

We don't accept you
We don't accept you
We don't fucking accept you

By xxughmylifexx | 15

#6148376 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:50

Dicks

Dave_Davington | 33

#6148377 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:50

Vaginas

jerryj | 27

#6148404 - Friday 19 December 2014 10:58

Asses

A07 | 48

#6148406 - Friday 19 December 2014 11:00

Breasts

hard_candy | 25

#6148424 - Friday 19 December 2014 11:47

balls

GOtllt | 17

#6148468 - Friday 19 December 2014 13:42

Foreskin

quickit | 24

#6148474 - Friday 19 December 2014 13:59

Bacon

ThreeSheetsGone | 12

#6148495 - Friday 19 December 2014 14:32

Squirrels

Roskie | 16

#6148527 - Friday 19 December 2014 15:47

Goose

xleanne_aLly | 23

#6148533 - Friday 19 December 2014 15:59

Chocolate shake

False_Stupidity | 41

#6148739 - Friday 19 December 2014 22:16

Penis

tony1891 | 22

#6148819 - Saturday 20 December 2014 0:55

did Someone say bacon?!

orbit | 22

#6149073 - Saturday 20 December 2014 7:40

Yes but it was just someones bacon perfume

RA91 | 26

#6149233 - Saturday 20 December 2014 15:33

LMAO!!! These replies are priceless!!

aabbccddeeffmmll | 6

#6152637 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 3:46

Ikr

By iop330 | 22

#6148378 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:52

Well you got to love a tricolon.

By ekdfml | 20

#6148379 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:52

that happened to me too. fyl indeed

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6148382 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:55

So not only did you get rejected, but you got rejected by someone with OCD.

stayr4d | 12

#6148451 - Friday 19 December 2014 13:11

Or an idiot.

By underthesea12 | 24

#6148383 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Let's hope it wasn't a community college.

By thevelociraptor | 31

#6148384 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Sorry Op, they were just a little too thorough.

By LifeMD | 14

#6148385 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Hey, at least it's not three rejection letters from three different colleges.

Econforthwin | 15

#6148607 - Friday 19 December 2014 18:18

Very good point, in the end you only lost one.

By anoniemm | 13

#6148388 - Friday 19 December 2014 10:00

Sounds like you've dodged a bomb, seeing as they are so good at math ?

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6148438 - Friday 19 December 2014 12:17

China Illinois is the best at math!

By patrickeli | 15

#6148390 - Friday 19 December 2014 10:00

Way to emphasize bad news