Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from...

By ai_lauren - 19/12/2014 04:04 - United States - Bayonne

Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML

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Work

Understandable

DINOSAURS!!

Tidy your room

By Anonymous - 5/10/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall with a note saying "Sorry Dude". FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML

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By jesus christ - 1/10/2011 02:55 - United States

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

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By ANON - 18/3/2016 16:04 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went straight from work to a blind date, and I decided to change in my car at the parking lot. Someone pulled up next to me as I had my ass to the window. It was my date. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

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By Swaby - 1/3/2009 08:14 - Hong Kong

Today, I found out I could not go to the Philippines because I have never had Chicken Pox. The school took the radical decision to prohibit students who have never had Chicken Pox to leave the college. I am condemned to stay in Hong Kong in some shitty project because I am a healthy young man. FML

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By WTFisMyLife - 8/5/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend whipped out his proverbial notebook, where he obviously keeps notes of what I do and how I act during sex, and then grilled me about every single one of those things. Now I'm scared to do anything because I don't want to be interrogated about it later. FML

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By tony1401 - 2/2/2010 16:00 - United States

Today, I got another email from Amazon asking me how I like my new Kindle. I don't have a Kindle. It's the one I bought my ex for Christmas, right before she left me while I was deployed overseas. FML

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By MyLegsHurt - 28/10/2015 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

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By crunknasty - 30/3/2013 05:19 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

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By yoyo22 - 5/12/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my friend for vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML

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By Diblo - 28/11/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Diblo's story

Today, I was in a middle school for work experience. One of the teachers was reading the class I was in a story about a man called Diblo. Innocent enough, right? Nope. He repeatedly misread it as Dildo for the entire passage. The kids laughed. FML

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By Noname - 22/2/2009 06:14 - Australia

Today, I did my work, the work of my co-worker who called in sick and the work of my boss who has no idea what the hell is going on all at the same time. I didn't get a promotion because I don't work hard enough. FML

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By CanadianTwin - 6/7/2012 06:52 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I was walking in Walmart with my dad. We walked past the deodorant aisle. My dad said, "Need any deodorant?" I said, "No thanks." He replied, "That was a hint." FML

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By IamAflyingCat - 22/10/2013 09:12 - United States

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2012 00:49 - Australia - Sandringham

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

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By Joey - 11/3/2012 06:51 - Canada

Today, while DJing at a jumpin' wedding reception, my speaker system conked out. I hadn't brought any backup equipment, and 500 guests had the unfortunate luxury of dancing to the sounds of a portable CD player someone brought in from their car. FML

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By daughter - 5/8/2012 07:49 - United States - Kailua

Today, since I'm still recovering from my surgery and can't drive, my daughter drove me to the doctor. When I was done and walked outside, she was nowhere to be seen. Then I got a text: "Sorry, I forgot I have to be somewhere." The closest bus stop to our house is miles away. FML

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By bballer4_life - 14/12/2016 23:22 - United States - Erie

Today, I made dozens of cookies just in time for Christmas. When I went to take out the last pan from the oven, I slipped. In a desperate attempt to catch the pan I grabbed it with my bare hand. My hand is striped like a candy cane. FML

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By hooligyn123 - 4/9/2012 08:53 - United States

Today, I'm quite ill. My new step-mother believes that the genetic wheat allergy I got from my mother would have gone away since she's now married to my father instead. Looks like dad picked a winner. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2009 18:25 - Israel

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before but they usually left early. I heard someone in the kitchen and thinking it was my brother, I said "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma responds, "No we're not." FML

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By Mike - 20/12/2017 01:30

Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML

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By awk1 - 18/6/2013 00:55 - United States - Glennville

Today, I was packing up my stuff about to go home. I shut off my MacBook but was still pretending to work for the last few minutes, typing on the keyboard. A good way through, I realized my co-worker sitting across from me could see that the Apple logo was off. FML

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By lotd - 31/7/2012 23:28 - United Kingdom - Henley On Thames

Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML

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By anonymous - 10/1/2010 05:55 - United States

Today, I was in agonizing pain and couldn't move. My parents said they couldn't take me to the ER until the football game on TV was over. FML

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By Scarred4lyfe - 28/2/2016 22:32 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

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By Username - 15/8/2011 21:38 - United States

Today, I got a really bad sunburn on my face while at the lake. Not to worry, though; my friends made me feel better by saying, "It takes the attention away from your acne." FML

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By Ginger - 8/7/2017 16:30 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I got married. My dad wanted to see me before the ceremony in my dress. The dress I wore was not my usual kind of dress, strapless. The first thing my dad said, "Ginger! You've got boobs!" Not exactly the father-daughter moment I'd envisioned. FML

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By Lisa - 23/8/2019 22:00 - United States - Tupelo

Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML

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By dad - 29/6/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, my daughter had just left for a date with her boyfriend. All of a sudden, she runs back in the house screaming "I forgot to take my birth control!" That is not something a father wants to hear. FML

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By James - 1/4/2020 17:00

Gordon says you SUCK

Today, my sister was so bored during the lockdown that she let me attempt to cook an omelette without turning the stove on, just so she had something amusing to watch. FML

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By smiles22 - 27/11/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a back-up girl if we break up. FML

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By fuck the man-dominated construction business - 19/6/2013 16:18 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, I won an argument against a sexist co-worker. When I left later on, I jumped into my car to drive home, but managed to reverse it into a parked excavator. Guess who's going to hear virginal jokes about women drivers from now on. FML

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By helen - 10/5/2011 03:44

Today, I realized that I give the computer screen a thumbs up whenever I see something cool. I work on computers in front of people all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 08:08

Like what you see?

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my cousin, instead of the girl who shares the same name. She liked it. FML

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By Oops - 26/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML

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By HeMayHaveSomeIssues - 28/2/2014 20:01 - Denmark

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially "kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

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By mack - 25/10/2009 08:54 - Canada

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

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By jilted - 21/3/2009 07:15 - United States

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. The first thing my mom said to my girlfriend was, "Honey, are you ok? You look like you got hives." FML

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Top comments

By thecouchisalive | 20

#6148375 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:47

They're making a point.

By LifeMD | 14

#6148385 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Hey, at least it's not three rejection letters from three different colleges.

COMMENTS

By thecouchisalive | 20

#6148375 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:47

They're making a point.

hard_candy | 25

#6148423 - Friday 19 December 2014 11:46

they did a pretty good job at it

Murilirum | 23

#6148440 - Friday 19 December 2014 12:26

I was thinking more so playing hard to get... In to.

I'll see myself out, sorry... *door shuts*

niallo | 23

#6148476 - Friday 19 December 2014 14:01

The point is that they Really don't want you. Sorry OP. Don't let it drag you down. There IS one somewhere that wants you.

Nevermind212 | 11

#6148685 - Friday 19 December 2014 20:24

We don't accept you
We don't accept you
We don't fucking accept you

By xxughmylifexx | 15

#6148376 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:50

Dicks

Dave_Davington | 33

#6148377 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:50

Vaginas

jerryj | 27

#6148404 - Friday 19 December 2014 10:58

Asses

A07 | 48

#6148406 - Friday 19 December 2014 11:00

Breasts

hard_candy | 25

#6148424 - Friday 19 December 2014 11:47

balls

GOtllt | 17

#6148468 - Friday 19 December 2014 13:42

Foreskin

quickit | 24

#6148474 - Friday 19 December 2014 13:59

Bacon

ThreeSheetsGone | 12

#6148495 - Friday 19 December 2014 14:32

Squirrels

Roskie | 16

#6148527 - Friday 19 December 2014 15:47

Goose

xleanne_aLly | 23

#6148533 - Friday 19 December 2014 15:59

Chocolate shake

False_Stupidity | 41

#6148739 - Friday 19 December 2014 22:16

Penis

tony1891 | 22

#6148819 - Saturday 20 December 2014 0:55

did Someone say bacon?!

orbit | 22

#6149073 - Saturday 20 December 2014 7:40

Yes but it was just someones bacon perfume

RA91 | 26

#6149233 - Saturday 20 December 2014 15:33

LMAO!!! These replies are priceless!!

aabbccddeeffmmll | 6

#6152637 - Wednesday 24 December 2014 3:46

Ikr

By iop330 | 22

#6148378 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:52

Well you got to love a tricolon.

By ekdfml | 20

#6148379 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:52

that happened to me too. fyl indeed

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6148382 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:55

So not only did you get rejected, but you got rejected by someone with OCD.

stayr4d | 12

#6148451 - Friday 19 December 2014 13:11

Or an idiot.

By underthesea12 | 24

#6148383 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Let's hope it wasn't a community college.

By thevelociraptor | 31

#6148384 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Sorry Op, they were just a little too thorough.

By LifeMD | 14

#6148385 - Friday 19 December 2014 9:56

Hey, at least it's not three rejection letters from three different colleges.

Econforthwin | 15

#6148607 - Friday 19 December 2014 18:18

Very good point, in the end you only lost one.

By anoniemm | 13

#6148388 - Friday 19 December 2014 10:00

Sounds like you've dodged a bomb, seeing as they are so good at math ?

ShadowlessSpear | 21

#6148438 - Friday 19 December 2014 12:17

China Illinois is the best at math!

By patrickeli | 15

#6148390 - Friday 19 December 2014 10:00

Way to emphasize bad news