By potatoebee - 03/04/2012 18:19 - United States - Clover

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML
I agree, your life sucks 16 716
You deserved it 27 222

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Jakesterk96 8

Bend down? How tall do you think a 4 year old is?

Lexiloulynn 2

I wonder why he bit your butt in the first place...


You didn't notice him bend down and get near your butt?(:

Jakesterk96 8

Bend down? How tall do you think a 4 year old is?

I hope the priest dragged you to the alter and rinsed your mouth with holy water shouting "The power of Christ compels you!"

Maybe he/she closed her eyes during prayer? I can imagine he/she was praying with closed eyes and bite his/her butt hence the reason why he/she swear. :)

Did you shout out "holy shit" , "god damn it!" ? It wouldve went unnoticed if you screamed "jesus christ!" outloud.

I believe the correct term is "Ass-Muncher".

seriouslythat 6

Taking a new meaning to butt hurt

Wow OP, that bites. Hopefully you weren't kicked out of the church, that would definitely suck ass. Butt, I would say that it's your fault for yelling out those cheeky obscenities.

I hope you didn't call him a son of a bitch.

Oh I do love reading your oh so puntastic posts. Pun on my friend, pun on!

*instinctively* swear at him??? What kinda child are you raising?

What's the point of going to church if you curse at your son you stupid dumb *****

aaahhhfire21 0

Damn cad6 2 for 2 ur on a roll ur normally thumbed outta the posts by the time I read them

#1, she may have stood to sing or pray in which case her posterior would be perfectly placed.

Well, time to pay the confessional a little visit.

Don't worry OP i prob would of did the same thing -_-.

Matty1188 6

Uh, people usually have their eyes closed during prayer.

113- I don't want to be a grammar nazi but come on! Simple punctuation and spelling is not that hard!

nofearjenshere 12

28- you took matching profile pictures to the comment to a whole 'nother level. Thumbs up.

aruam365 24

It could be the phrasing, if OP meant swearing instinctively because of pain that's totally understandable. If they instinctively swore at their 4 year old for being bad, then that's SO not okay.

139, so it's ok to swear due to pain in church? Sure that will cause a scene as well

enaja 0

I once took a sock to the mouth in church.

ScubaSteve96 0

I'm pretty sure your comment originally said 'I once took an arrow to the knee in church' Since so many people thumbed it down you felt the need to change it so people would find it more humorous? Didn't work.

enaja 0

It was that damn auto correct

#3- What kind of sock...The word sock has multiple meanings, and I hope it's not the one I'm thinking of.

That I took an arrow to the knee joke is stupid

If I am, then I'm not going down there without a fight.

4 I'm going to hell in every religion. And you know what? I ******* welcome it!

that's cool hell sounds romantic with all that candle light

Maybe i should've typed "sarcasm" in brackets at the end.

51- you sound like a suicide bomber. Just saying.

More like: "you're going straight to this imaginary place people made up!

Lexiloulynn 2

I wonder why he bit your butt in the first place...

Soft bouncy curved flesh is just too hard to resist

23- And not a very smart one at that, he was biting at the wrong end!

Iron deficiency? That's why kids eat dirt isn't it?

Is it just me or there seems to be quite a lot of zombie FMLs lately ?

KRS_13 0

5- little children do weird me I have 5 little brothers.

I creeped your about me... dafaq is wrong with you? Your profile says you're only 15 and that you like to grind boys at school dances cause teachers are watching? That's not why most people go to school dances. Plus, you post your phone number online? I'd hope it's fake.

^ Da fuq? You're a hypocrite for telling that one bitch to mind her own business, when you're not even doing it yourself. People's lives are for show n tell on the Internet! Duh!

HonestTruth 5

You trained him semi-well. Make sure to tell him not to bite it though. ;)

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missyj0 12

Your picture + description + age = the reason I've lost all hope in my generation.

I agree with 53. stop using tilted bathrooms as well, it gives the photo an annoying tilt.

Seriously?and girls like you wonder why they end up pregnant by some loser and alone by the time they're 16.

flawrblah 0

Quit it, this poor girl is probably calling you all awful things on Facebook to the other middle school kids.

I'm pretty sure she is in a change room judging by the heap of clothes on the floor and likely does not have any money for the dress or it would be a mirror shot from the comfort of her own bathroom.

Epsilonyx 15

You are all such pricks and bullies.

Epsilonyx 15

I'm pretty sure calling a 14 year old girl a **** is bullying, be it true or not. That logic only perpetuates harassment, and it doesn't help that suicide is rampant among teenagers.

Then teenagers these days need to quit being such *******. Every generation has had to deal with bullies, and you guys need to learn to deal with it.

Epsilonyx 15

I'm almost positive emotion is intrinsically related to humanity, so people will react whether or not you want them to. If your solution is "stop being a pussy" instead of "don't bully", there's a serious problem.

I agree with 8. She could have just hit the kid instead. I figured that is what you were implying, since there are no other choices besides verbal and physical abuse.

178- swearing after the kid bites you is not verbal abuse. I doubt the kid was damaged in any sort of way short or long term...

flawrblah 0

Its ridiculous how all the witty comments to this dumbass got deleted.

xXxIracebethxXx 14

209 - You don't know what the OP said. She swore AT her kid. I'm assuming she could have used just about any phrase from, "mother ******!" to "you ******* son of a bitch don't bite my ass!" So, I agree with 178 that it is considered verbal abuse.

woah 224.. this just about the only comment of yours I've ever seen that wasn't thumbed down.

DanielRamos18 0

Coming from a girl that takes a picture with the clothes she's trying on in a fitting room-_-

Awkward, let's just pray you weren't saying Jesus and god while swearing.

FMLoverAgain 7

I think he said Jesus ******* Christ

PicklesMcRaptor 0

Why are you so defensive? Maybe it's wrong? What's it to you?

Well now you can both ask for forgiveness